I’m so horribly unattractive

[PsychedelicFur]

I’m so horribly unattractive.

my toxic ex told me I was a ‘6/10’ and ‘plus size’ and embarrassing looking. That is why he showed me photos of other women in bikinis.

I’m that unattractive that he lost interest in me and started treating me like garbage. I know deep and meaningful relationships are not based off looks but he made me believe that I wasn’t very good looking. Even though I have had people, strangers come up to me, hundreds of time and compliment my eccentric clothing or my long wavy ginger hair.

he said to me once ‘you’re looks don’t matter anyway because you are only a 6/10.’

I’m starting to believe what he said about me. ☹️😢😭 please give some suggestions or advice.

many thanks,

lots of love,

PF.

[Croix]

Dear PsF~

I had a look at some of the songs by the artists you mentioned and the following phrases struck a chord

On a toxic parent:

Natalie Imbruglia
Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
But you crawled beneath my veins and now...

On having genuine sympathy and and understanding, not just more misunderatanding and being brushed off

Billy Joel - Honesty
But I don't want some pretty face
To tell me pretty lies
All I want is someone to believe

On you despite how you feel

Cyndi Lauper - True Colors
And the darkness inside you
Can make you feel so small
But I see your true colors
Shining through

I'm afraid in separations the worse party will make up any excuse, so it is no surprise your mother is doing this. Grab anything and twist it.

Like me you have a template for the future -what not to do bringing up a child and in your case how if a separation is a must then this path is wrong, and kindness and consideration of offspring should be at the front of the mind by both parties.

As you know the world is not always like that , I'm sorry it's the way thngs are. I do consider you a tough person and you will get though it all OK.

Croix

[PsychedelicFur]

My three favourite songs from those particular artists. Thank you. As usual your insightful response soothes and somewhat comforts me, Croix.

hope you are ok.

[Croix]

Dear PsF~

I guess I was lucky to find songs that resonated, maybe a bit of luck involved, however snatching a phrase here and there that seemed to fit, as did the various moods in each song.

I'm sure you know why I bring up places of mental retreat and make suggestions. Basically thay are wild guesses (as you would no doubt have figured out) however if I look at myself at times of difficulty it has been very easy for my mind to keep dwelling on the problem, and that's a self-reinforcing loop.

I guess I look at my place of mental retreat as a sort of respite or circuit-breaker, and it does do the job, even though it takes practice to be able to do it. It does not change events in the outside world but does lend a bit more ability to deal with those things and even comfort others if needed.

As I think I mentioned mine involves the forces of nature and the sea.

Croix

[PsychedelicFur]

BDD is debilitating. I wish people understood where I am coming from. It’s such a misunderstood disorder.
😣

[Croix]

Dear PsF~

Yes, I know, as do many here. This lack of understanding is something that particularly worries you, could you say if it is one particular person you would want to understand better?

The reason I ask is that I am wondering if something has happened or somebody has said something that has made you feel this particularly painfully at the moment?

Croix

[PsychedelicFur]

Hey Croix, how are ya?
I hope you are well. What have you been up to?

It just sometimes I hear people say to people with BDD “it’s all in your head.” I, myself have had that response once or twice in my life.

it just got me thinking about how debilitating this psychological disorder genuinely is to live with.
I’m not trying to invalidate other people’s struggles, by no means either. Hope it does not come across that way. We all have our own struggles. BDD to me seems to be really intense to live with. Tired. Always so tired mentally. Trying not to mask my autism anymore either too.. which is super difficult. Masking is another thing that is enormously difficult and really draining to deal with, for me personally.

PF

[PsychedelicFur]

I’ve been overthinking again : I need to let it out and get some insight from others.

Ok, so I need some more insight. My ex narcissistic boyfriend treats other girls he isn’t dating with upmost respect. For instance he is close friends with a lady who is a cousin, by marriage, he still is really close and friendly with her. She is dating someone so there is no chance for any romantic involvement between them, from what I know. - even though there is absolutely no romantic connection whatsoever, or at least from my observation. He calls her ‘Big Sis’ and she calls him ‘Little Bro’ and he would put on such a beautiful display at their house when he visited. How come he could cook with her, when I was there, but when I dated him he told me to get out of the kitchen and let him do it all?! And he was like that with previous girlfriends. How come he treats girls he is dating like trash yet he treats girls he has no romantic involvement with like goddesses??

He seemed like a completely different person when we left her house. He was so loving, charismatic and gentle when we were all together. We would always be at her house quite frequently too. When I told him ; “I just want to be with him this time and spend time with the man I am dating.” He told me ; “You are being so clingy and asking for too much.”
Could he be looking at luring these other women in for potential supply? He would LEGITIMATELY go out of his way to help these other girls and put on a good front for them. Even though they would constantly show him and give him signs that they were not at all interested.

And when I was with him by myself he was horrible and highly manipulative. I just need some more insight. Why does he put on a good show for her still? They still seem to be quite close despite her knowing what went on between both of us. He is liking her photos and posts, as I am friends with her but not him. It still baffles me..
thank you. I just really needed to get this off my chest. As it really confuses me. I need insight. I don’t like him and what he did to me. And I haven’t spoken to him since I broke up with me Late March.

[PsychedelicFur]

When I say by marriage I mean she was her mother was married to my uncle and then they divorced by I still talk to her.

Just sending out a clarification there.

[PsychedelicFur]

A spelling error is in the previous message - when I say marriage I meant her mum married my uncle and we are cousins that way.

[Croix]

Dear PsF~

It's all abut control. They used to be called 'street angels'. It meant that in public, with other people, especially the friends and relations of the person they were concentrating on they appear pretty well perfect. Polite, well mannered, helpful, reliable, humorous and so on -a perfect person.

They saved their dominance and control for the person they had in mind, starting again by looking and acting perfect to secure the relationship, a posture that slipped over time until they were in control.

That was by all sorts of means depending upon what their instinct told them was the best way, what buttons to push.

It put him in a good position, nobody would believe this lovely person could so anything wrong, while the victim was mostly disbelieved.

Do you think the above description in any way is similar to what you are talking about?

Croix