Feeling overwhelmed and need to talk.

[Beaser]

I wish this wasnt the case but things are getting overwhelming for me again . The world just seems a lonely place at the moment. I have friends who i seen on the weekend and i do get relief then. Its when i get back to being by myself that i crash. I have an appt with my psychologist today and had GP appt but he cancelled on me . I have had recent life events that have really made me distraught and lonely the main being a relationship breakup.

Im also unhappy at work and i feel like everything is so grey for me.

I have been a life time sufferer of anxiety and depression and being 56 it has tired me out. Im actually quietly proud of how i have managed to keep going and get as far as i have . Im scared about where i will end up from all this as i dont know where to turn . I have tried all my life to be a good person and think i have been .. I have always helped where i could and been a good citizen.

My family seem to have a history of depression and anxiety but i feel i have copped the worst of it . Ive always been oversensitive and let things affect me. I just want all this anxiety and depression to go away.

I have turned to these forums recently and its been a help to me . My anxiety and depression just gets so tough at times.

Where do i turn too in this place i just want to be happy again and want the same for others. Brett

I

[Beaser]

Thanks RX for your great response and interest in my situation.    We were together about 18 months and i guess i always felt a bit as though she had boundaries and struggled to now where i fitted in   .  She has issues with being with other guys who have treated her badly but as she admits there were guys she shouldnt of been involved with.  I found it hard that some of these kept in contact and she struggled with me feeling that way.  She would also never let me tell her i loved her ,which i found hard to understand.   I feel that there isnt any real chance for us at the moment as she doesnt seem to want to hear from me or make contact but is always polite. Its strange but i feel sad that i might have upset her and couldnt be the person she so desperately wanted. I would have loved to have made her happy.  Covid made things so hard here in VIC as she  was really legally the only person i could see for most of our time together. Then when things opened up i felt the need to see friends and i think she felt i was drifting away from her and this made her sad .  I wish i hadnt done that now.   I feel sad that i upset her.   I hope your going ok and thanks again.   Hope to hear more from you if you feel like it.         Beaser

[Guest_1584]

Hi Beaser and thanks for that and ahh, no worries , it's nice to relate.

And l certainly understand the guilt that we might've done this or that or shoulda coulda. l so wish l could have our first 2yrs over believe me , so many things.

She does sound disconnected at this stage though tbh my friend, sorry to say and def' wasn't in a good place at the time for you either- as in she wasn't ready. Such a shame but it's so common as we get older isn't it, we all have things to work through.

Mine included, l held of a lot in early days bc l knew she wasn't in that gooda place , she had a lot of very big things going on that took a few yrs to work through, legal matters. l wasn't all that great myself either so l just wanted to move slowly and take time. Things legally got sorted eventually but took so much out of her too and meantime other things also came along and atm she just doesn't feel like she can cope with anything let alone a relationship.

lt sounds like yours needs some space right now tbh , l know it's hard . We still do talk a bit but l've tried to let it come from her too if she feels like it and not just me so sometimes it's a wk or two but l usually hear from her.

Mind you, not too sure lately if it's doing me much good tbh. l'm prob better cutting the cord if we're not gonna work things out l dunno, looks v doubtful though.  like you though yeah it gets lonely but more so me that special closeness, l really miss that.

We sorta didn't bother with friends much but we have spent many mths apart and all through lock downs too, coming and going between vic and nsw.

Hang in there.  rx

[Beaser]

Thanks again RX.  Yeh youre right i do need to give her space and be respectful of her wishes.  I know its best for me too. Sorry to hear that you get lonely its the toughest thing ive experienced.   Ill keep plugging away and hopefully a few things will turn for the better.  Thanks again.

[Beaser]

 Sometimes i just feel like im getting nowhere in life.  I now i have to push myself to do things but its just so easy to stay  in my comfort zone. I just work and go to my local hotel every weekend . My anxiety just makes it so hard to leave my comfort zone.  I still live in hope about getting back with my ex but its been six months+ now . Im scared to start dating again even if someone was interested but i dont want to get hurt or hurt anyone else because im not ready. Maybe its ok to date as friends. Life seems to have no purpose at the moment and it scares me.    Best wishes to all Beaser

[Guest_1584]

Hi there beaser , just stumbled over your latest , dunno how to find things here lately so that was a stroke of luck there alone.

But l hear you with all been in a very similar place last 18mths or so now myself and for yrs earlier on too. Your doing well though at least getting time down at your local , take my hat of to you l wish l could do that. l've always struggled going out for a beer on my own though, dk why.

l have been getting out and about a bit though. l go have lunch with the whales,tehre's people there and often quite a nice crowd, go kayaking, fishing the other night and just a few things like that. l've been trying to push myself out over wkends for a day too- to somewhere.

but l sure know the loneliness and am l ready - like yourself. ldk my friend.But as long as you were honest about where your at with anyone new then she could make up her own mind. There are a lot of women out there in the exact same place too, right one and you could be there for ea other- maybe. l know there's a lot more to it though.

l've tossed and turned with giving up on my sitch too, as well as would l even be in the right place for somebody new anyway- the whole mix. with age l just don't wanna waste yrs um ahhhhing in limbo though you know, but at the same time, maybe things would just happen if l relax. But now there's been a new turn with ex just over last wkend actually so atm it's back to a maybe - for now. l'd decided l'd give it until the new yr but if things haven't gotten back on track by then then l'll try to let it go for good and move on.

You know what though , maybe it's ok to just have no purpose for awhile, roll along , do whatever you feel like doing for awhile and the cards fall where they may. Have asked myself the same 100 times last 112 mths.

Take care eh.  rx

[Jayj19]

Hi id really like to give you some tips that have helped me tremendously getting out of the funk and tapering of medication, if your interested 🙂

[Beaser]

Hi Jay im happy to  listen about how to get out of the funk as you say. Maybe just gently as i can get a bit overwhelmed with too much heavy stuff all at once. Thanks for the interest.

[Jayj19]

1. No worries I'll try explain it as simple as possible if that helps and wait for your reply if youd like me to keep going

I believe anxiety and depression are all  related to chronic  stress/overthinking which is generic, it could anything  work, finances,relationships ect.

Think of your brain like a computer  and you have so many programs open at once and stress is the fan. Now this short term is fine and actually helps the computer with the excess load, but when it's for an extended peroid of time things start to freeze and crash we can label this anxiety, basically the body's alarm bells.

Now if you kept this behaviour up pretty soon your computer is going to get the dreaded blue screen, we can call this depression this is our mind overloaded for to long and saying enoughs enough I need a rest.

Let me know if you'd like to me to go on 🙂

[Beaser]

Thanks Jay.  I certainly agree with the overthinking . Ive been a big worrier all my life.  I have also ruminated to the point of exhaustion at times. This has lead to me struggling with life in general . Im 56 and very tired from it all .   Ive had a relationship breakdown this year and left a job i was in for the best part of 15 years, my mental health is very fragile with all that has gone on .  Im also scared about where im heading in life.        Best wishes   Brett.

[Jayj19]

Hi Brett , I hope you had a great day.

Whether your 20 or 70 your never to old to start living the life you deserve, I think a good start would be try to quieten your mind down and stop that negative snowball effect thought pattern.

1. Be mindful when your having negative thoughts and remember there just that thoughts.

2. Do the "guided Wim Hof method breathing" on YouTube as much as you can throughout the day, this was a game changer.

3.i feel like when your going through a depressed state your mind looks for dopamine fixes as an attempt to make you feel better, this could be food, constant scrolling/browsing, porn, drugs/alcohol ect

These are short lived and only make you feel worse.

Think of it as your trying to refill your dopamine bucket up, but all these little quick fixes are holes in your bucket preventing it from filling up.

4. Don't compare youself to others

I find it always good to speak to someone because when your in this state your thinking irrational.

I hope this helps you 🙂