Feeling overwhelmed and need to talk.

[Beaser]

I wish this wasnt the case but things are getting overwhelming for me again . The world just seems a lonely place at the moment. I have friends who i seen on the weekend and i do get relief then. Its when i get back to being by myself that i crash. I have an appt with my psychologist today and had GP appt but he cancelled on me . I have had recent life events that have really made me distraught and lonely the main being a relationship breakup.

Im also unhappy at work and i feel like everything is so grey for me.

I have been a life time sufferer of anxiety and depression and being 56 it has tired me out. Im actually quietly proud of how i have managed to keep going and get as far as i have . Im scared about where i will end up from all this as i dont know where to turn . I have tried all my life to be a good person and think i have been .. I have always helped where i could and been a good citizen.

My family seem to have a history of depression and anxiety but i feel i have copped the worst of it . Ive always been oversensitive and let things affect me. I just want all this anxiety and depression to go away.

I have turned to these forums recently and its been a help to me . My anxiety and depression just gets so tough at times.

Where do i turn too in this place i just want to be happy again and want the same for others. Brett

I

[Beaser]

Hi and thanks again Jay.   

She ended the relationship her words being that she felt i wasnt happy .  Im not sure if this was her way of getting an out.  She also stated she wasnt happy herself.  I guess i never really felt secure and she picked that up ,,this as a result of her keeping in contact with exes who shed met once online.  I just found this hard to cope with as i knew the reason they had met.  I admit it pre occupied me a bit .  She is a good person and im sad that i upset her but it was just the way i felt.  She would also never let me tell her i loved her or say affectionate things and i found this hard to understand.      And yes it is the loneliness that gets me and im scared of being alone forever  . I just miss her but its true i might be just looking at the good points and not the bad side of things.  Beaser.

[Jayj19]

How were you before you met her in terms of confidence and self esteem?

I went through a similar thing and it can really crushed your self-esteem.

Love is blind sometimes it's best to listen to the people close to you.

I found I was blaming myself and making excuses for her, having thoughts I won't feel like that about someone again and so on.

Turns out they were all wrong and I couldn't be happier, I firmly believe to have a happy relationship you have to love yourself first.

[Beaser]

Hi and thanks again Jay. 

I was at times lonely before we met but pretty happy. I was keeping fit and spending a lot of time at my local football club. 

I think we met in a difficult time too.  Here in Victoria during a lot of covid it was either be by yourself at home or be with your partner and as a result we just had each other and no pressure to be any where else.  Then when the state opened after covid i felt a need to socialise again with others.  I think i felt uncomfortable about doing some things on my own and im not sure how she felt about this . 

Similar to you im blaming myself for a lot and im really missing her .

Great to hear from you.       Beaser.

[Beaser]

PS jAY.   When you say you went through a similar thing i was wondering in what way?  I understand if you dont want to elaborate further.   Thanks again 

[Jayj19]

Yeah sure thing Brett, I started having suspicions she was unfaithful but she made out like it was all in mind head.

Turns out I was right we broke up, after that you start questioning youself thinking your not good enough, or it was somehow my fault. I got back into the gym and eating healthy with that confidence and self esteem blossomed. Let me tell you physical appearance does play alittle role but I can say high confidence is what there really attracted to.

My ex Then told me she made a big mistake but when your at your best you can see the bigger picture and have alot of respect for youself there's no chance you'll go back.

[Beaser]

Hi Jay     Im sorry to hear what you went through.   Yeh i know that confidence is a big one.   I admit its something i have never had.  I dont think that she cheated on me i just couldnt handle the contact and emotional relationship she was having with exes , maybe im a bit at fault but it just made feel anxious and unsettled.   Having her message them in front of me and vice versa was hard.      Brett 

[Beaser]

I have an appt today with my phycologist. I have taken a different approach and written things down when its been hard .  The reason being is i tend to relax when i see him and fail to communicate how i have felt at different times.   I feel this may be a better way to go about things.   Im just so up and down of late and when i feel well i just wait to come down again as i feel it is imminent that i will. I am just so tired of all this.        Best wishes to all   Brett.

[Jayj19]

Hey Brett hope you've been well.

Sorry I havnt replied, Christmas is always a busy time of year.😅

I wouldn't change a thing in my situation because I've learnt from it and has made me grow as a person.

The writing things down is a great approach because I totally get what your referring to feeling at ease when you see you psychologist, keep reminding yourself this isn't permanent as much as it can feel that way.

Every step forward is a great achievement! 

Think of it like a see-saw one side postive and the other negative, once you start to really tip the scale to the postive side youll notice all aspects of your life just seem so easy.

[Beaser]

Thank you Jay.         I always appreciate your replies and have so much respect for what you say.        My psychologist appt went ok.      I feel he is seeing me as being an over sensitive  person who lacks self belief.   You know what he is right so i have faith in  him. I have some Christmas events coming up and im going to push myself to go.   It would be easy to not go but i know its not right to isolate so ill give it my best  shot.     Best wishes       Brett.

[Beaser]

So tough at the moment.  I had a bad day yesterday .   I am struggling financially and had to get a new TV aerial which has cost me $600 dollars that i didnt have,.  Its just things like this that really upset me  . I feel really flat today and lonely and im not quite sure about where to turn.  Brett.