Feeling overwhelmed and need to talk.

[Beaser]

I wish this wasnt the case but things are getting overwhelming for me again . The world just seems a lonely place at the moment. I have friends who i seen on the weekend and i do get relief then. Its when i get back to being by myself that i crash. I have an appt with my psychologist today and had GP appt but he cancelled on me . I have had recent life events that have really made me distraught and lonely the main being a relationship breakup.

Im also unhappy at work and i feel like everything is so grey for me.

I have been a life time sufferer of anxiety and depression and being 56 it has tired me out. Im actually quietly proud of how i have managed to keep going and get as far as i have . Im scared about where i will end up from all this as i dont know where to turn . I have tried all my life to be a good person and think i have been .. I have always helped where i could and been a good citizen.

My family seem to have a history of depression and anxiety but i feel i have copped the worst of it . Ive always been oversensitive and let things affect me. I just want all this anxiety and depression to go away.

I have turned to these forums recently and its been a help to me . My anxiety and depression just gets so tough at times.

Where do i turn too in this place i just want to be happy again and want the same for others. Brett

I

[Jayj19]

Confidence and self esteem trumps all issues , everyone can get there by putting in the work! One day you will walk into a room with your head held high with anxiety and then compositions come easy.

Do you find yourself not liking when attentions is on you and feel like your always think people are looking over at you, then you start to think is my anxiety that noticeable which makes negative emotions compound.

[Beaser]

Thanks Jay.   Yeh your right i am not that keen on attention being on me and i do feel like my anxiety is noticable . I think its common for people like me.  I hope your well and always good to hear from you.  Brett.

[Beaser]

Well  i got through Christmas.  It wasnt the easiest time but thankfully some beautiful friends invited me around for a great lunch.   Im off to work today so   im a bit nervous about starting a new year. I certainly hope that tis year can bring me some Happy Outcomes. As one post says Depression and anxiety is just life for some of us.  My best wishes to everyone.    Beaser

[therising]

Hi Brett

You definitely sound like a wonderful person, full of wonder when it comes to the many ways in which you can possibly make a difference in your life. Definitely pays to seek a difference through an open mind. Possibilities cannot enter through a closed mind.

While sensitivity can be like a superpower, it can 100% also feel like a curse at times. For example, if you hold the ability to sense/feel love, you also hold the ability to sense/feel heartache or heartbreak. If you have the ability to sense/feel relaxing thoughts, you also have the ability to sense/feel stressful thoughts or internal dialogue. The ability to sense/feel what is joyful means also having the ability to sense/feel what is depressing. Being sensitive or having the ability to sense involves a massive long list of all that can be sensed/felt so I won't go on.

If you've always been a sensitive person, I imagine you've faced a heck of a lot of challenges based on others not being able to sense certain needs as well as you. I imagine insensitive people are somewhat of a trigger at times. As a 52yo sensitive gal, I have to say highly insensitive people definitely trigger me, often leading me to wonder 'What the heck is wrong with you? Why can you not feel that?'. Whether it involves the need for compassion, greater understanding, a more open mind etc, I can't help but wonder why people can't feel certain needs or callings. A lot of the time I think in comes down to people being conditioned out of feeling so much, a lot of the stuff we easily felt as little kids.

Whether it involves mental sensitivity to the thoughts/internal dialogue/belief systems we feel (including depressing or stressful outdated ones), sensitivity to what we feel on a physical level or sensitivity to what is of a more soulful nature...to feel it all, non stop, can sometimes become a completely exhausting experience. The serious down side of that? Not having enough energy left to feel anything can definitely become depressing. We are born to feel energetic connections, not born to feel nothing.

How to feel our way through life is something that's rarely ever taught to kids. At some point, the lack of education becomes intolerable.

[Beaser]

Hi Rising.

Thank you for your kind and well thought out reply.  You seem to have a great understanding of things.    You are right about being sensitive ,while it has many strengths like compassion it can create feelings of hurt when others arent intending to be that way.  It also for me gives me ups and downs from one day to the next.    I think being sensitive and anxiety and depression are heavy load for anyone.  Im trying to accept that while ive made many mistakes as a result ive done my best and have been a kind person and never intended to  hurt anyone along the way .       Brett.

[therising]

Hi Brett

Being super sensitive, which can include being able to sense feelings in others, can be an added challenge when it comes to managing emotion/s. I have an extended family member who manages the challenges of being super sensitive. Can recall a time where she was full of dread before going to work each shift. She dreaded it because she would have occasional panic attacks for what she believed was no reason. She just couldn't understand it, why they'd suddenly come on. I asked her if the people she was working with were stressed or anxious. After some thought she was surprised as she realised all the people she'd been working with had been highly stressed. She was picking up on feeling their stress. She could feel it the second she walked in the door. She started to approach work in a different way, practicing emotional detachment exercises before going into work. The panic attacks stopped. To be able to feel for other people, even when you don't fully realise you're feeling their emotions, can be a dreadful kind of experience. Feeling based on other people's stress, their anger, their level of depression, their narcissistic detached self serving ways etc can be such a challenging experience. It can also help explain at times some of the intense ups and downs. You can be up before interacting with a certain person who brings you down, based on how they feel. Can go the other ways too. You can be down until you start to feel the up someone begins generating in you. To develop the ability of getting a feel for people's nature and mood at any given time is something that can make a constructive difference. Learning to read people can make a difference.

Emotion or energy in motion is something we can definitely feel. The way someone puts our energy in motion, whether it be positive or negative, can determine the kind of day we're going to have. Are you someone who's naturally able to get a sense of where people are coming from, when it comes to emotion? To become the observer of people without getting emotionally involved in what you're observing is definitely a skill worth developing at times. Btw, you can still feel for people but the difference is you can choose the level at which you feel (from completely detached all the way through to being completely connected).

[Beaser]

Thanks again TR

You certainly have a great understanding of things  and put things into words so well.   Youre right about picking up on others vibes and it does effect me.   I am also struggling since covid with going to Melbourne  . Im not scared of covid its just my nerves have taken a hit.  I had a friend ask me to go away for a few days on the other side of the city but i needed to decline. . I feel bad but im doing my best its just my nerves are so fragile ATM.    Thanks again   Brett.

[Beaser]

Feeling very flat lately. Im not sure if its the Christmas or New Years thing.   I feel so lonely and my only relief is to visit my local Hotel ,just be around people.    I really miss my ex partner. I have been doing the right thing and leaving her alone, just a text at Christmas and New Years.        Im starting to just accept that my depression and anxiety is just the way it is for me. Ive done my best im 56 and worked since i was 16  .  My mind has been a constant battle for me but its not my fault. As everyone says it is what it is.        Best wishes Brett.

[Jayj19]

Hey hope you've been well, it's awesome to hear you got some great friends that invited you over for christmas thats evidence right there people do care about you. A piece of advice never accept your an anxious/depressed person, I remember the feeling when your in that headspace almost like there's no escape and your stuck.. let me tell you that is 100% not true and you'll be amazed how good you can feel.

Do you have problems getting up in the morning and problems getting to sleep at nights?

[Beaser]

Hi Jay'

So nice to hear from you again.  

I hope things have been good for you .       Yeh i understand about not accepting that im an anxious depressed person . I know that its hard  to be anywhere else when you think that way, i guess its just that im  tired of fighting it Jay. Maybe in a way by accepting it i dont  feel the need to fight it . I will do my best to look at things differently and i respect and understand your advice.     

In answering your question yeh i do struggle with finding motivation to get up and face each day as i know that my day will be hard.    I fall asleep pretty well as im usually so exhausted by the end of the day and its a relief to put my head on the pillow and escape my thoughts.           Thanks Jay   Always good to hear from you and other friends here..     Brett.