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Chris_B Forums etiquette: give support to receive support
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, particularly any new members who may be reading. From time to time, we get contacted by members who are unhappy that they haven’t received a lot of replies to their posts. Our community champions work very hard to make sure that all newb... View more

Hi everyone, particularly any new members who may be reading. From time to time, we get contacted by members who are unhappy that they haven’t received a lot of replies to their posts. Our community champions work very hard to make sure that all newbies are welcomed when they first post, and we understand that it’s a big step to post for the first time on a forum like this, especially if you aren’t feeling great. It’s important to remember, though, that these forums are a community of real people, just like you, not a one-on-one support environment like going to see your psychologist. To get the best out of being here, one of the best tips we can offer is give support to receive support. Being a good community member means: participating in different threads (not just your own), replying to people who have taken the time to reply to you (even if it’s just to say thank you), and... posting words of emotional support and encouragement when you see others who are hurting and reaching out. You don’t have to feel obliged to solve the problems of others: that’s not what we’re here for. But you can offer empathy and what you’ve learned from your own life experiences, even if it’s just a line or two, eg. “I don't know what to say, but I want to give you my support and tell you I care about what is happening to you and hope life will get better soon.” Try to develop an interest in the journeys of others here on the forums. You may be surprised at how good being an active, caring member here can make you feel. For those of you who have had good experiences giving support here on the forums, please post in this thread here and let us know how it has helped you on your journey.

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asianaussie Is it bad to be conflicted about wanting kids because of my toxic parents?
  • replies: 9

Heads up, I'm not expecting a baby nor in a relationship. I'm at a stage where my friends/peers are having kids, and I've spent time babysitting them. Many of my friends enjoy parenthood and seem to treat their kids well. It gives me resentment becau... View more

Heads up, I'm not expecting a baby nor in a relationship. I'm at a stage where my friends/peers are having kids, and I've spent time babysitting them. Many of my friends enjoy parenthood and seem to treat their kids well. It gives me resentment because of my own relationship with my parents.On surface level, my parents were abusive and uncaring. As a child, I was beaten and chastised, from being 'naughty' to failing a subject (particularly Maths). I was banned from attending any friends' parties and was enrolled into tutoring schools for extra homework. Even when I got A's for something, they would not care. But when I got B's or even C's, I would be screamed at and told 'what's wrong with you? You're so stupid!'. As I grew older, I was chastised for 'talking to boys', to the point where they locked my social media accounts and I was sent to an all-girl's school. On top of school work, my weight and appearance became the butt of jokes/comments, being told I was 'too fat, too ugly.' My mother went into my room several times and confiscated things, confronting and accusing me of 'doing bad things about the family to gain popularity'. My father was very withdrawn and did not attend any school awards, my musical/drama performances. In fact I was also criticised for doing performing arts and they went to the Subject Heads, to force me to change subjects .Even as an adult, I am still dealing with the mental fallout of my parents and they still refuse to accept any wrongdoing. They say that I'm 'a snowflake', and that 'this is the Asian way, get used to it'. But who tells their kids they are worthless? Who refuses to attend any single showcase and not acknowledge any success, hard work or struggle? Who dismisses and jokes about their issues? Who walks into their room, takes things and confronts them with it? Now at 25, they are nagging about 'having grandchildren' and 'marrying'. I feel so conflicted about marrying and having kids right now, because I fear I will be a bad mother. I do not want them to go through the same thing as I did. I also have mental health issues and would fear they would be affected. Is this wrong?

Anicca My dog has cancer
  • replies: 10

I found out last week that my 13 year old Schnoodle dog has a cancerous tumour on his leg. I don’t have friends or family and live alone. My dog is my companion and I could not love him more. I have GAD and major depression and Bipolar type 2. I am f... View more

I found out last week that my 13 year old Schnoodle dog has a cancerous tumour on his leg. I don’t have friends or family and live alone. My dog is my companion and I could not love him more. I have GAD and major depression and Bipolar type 2. I am finding it very hard to cope with this news. The vet had tears in her eyes when she told me. She said she was not expecting this. S is a very active and puppy like dog. We go back to the vet in 4 weeks time to see if the cancer has progressed. He doesn’t know he’s sick. I cooked chicken, rice and carrots for his dinner last night which I only do if he’s been unwell. S looked at me and wagged his tale so big, he wanted more! I don't cook it all the time because I want him to have a fully balanced diet. I worried this year when he turned 13 but I was planning on having another 4 years with him. He looks like he is in such good health. He developed a cough at the same time and the vet said he has a collapsing trachea. If it gets worse it can be treated with medication. I had no idea this was coming. Nobody does. He will have the best life I can give him. He may need lump removed but I worry that more will develop . I feel calmer for having reached out to BB. Thank you.

Clarissa26 Feeling broken at the moment
  • replies: 2

Hi everyone, I am not sure where to start but I feel like reaching out may be a start. I feel so much at the moment, lost broken, sad. I feel like I take on everyone else's worries. My husband has not been himself, worrying about money matters and th... View more

Hi everyone, I am not sure where to start but I feel like reaching out may be a start. I feel so much at the moment, lost broken, sad. I feel like I take on everyone else's worries. My husband has not been himself, worrying about money matters and that makes me worry. I hate it. I feel sick in the stomach, hot skin, want to just curl up in a ball and cry. I am also finding it hard to sleep so I am just tired. I often say to myself the storm will pass but I am hating being in the storm at the moment. My sister always tells me when I feel like this I need a plan to find my way out, I just feel so foggy at the moment I am not sure where to start. I am going to make an appointment with my GP to talk about stuff. I just hate this feeling.

ClaireBell I can't stop thinking about my last trigger and anxiety attack- how do I stop
  • replies: 2

I recently had a phone call with a family member (cousin), I had to tell her that due to an unavoidable university assessment that required me to travel, I couldn't come to her wedding. The conversation was horrible, I tried to apologise and tell her... View more

I recently had a phone call with a family member (cousin), I had to tell her that due to an unavoidable university assessment that required me to travel, I couldn't come to her wedding. The conversation was horrible, I tried to apologise and tell her why I couldn't come and she kept cutting me off, telling me my excuse was invalid, that I should just fly in and fly out (I had to travel via plane to get to her wedding) on the day. I tried to explain that emotionally and financially, I couldn't afford it. I think the trigger happened when she started to blame me for her stress, she said that I was ruining the wedding, that she had to rearrange the seating plans and that there would be consequences for my actions. An onslaught of verbal abuse occurred there after and I kept telling her she was hurting me emotionally, and that this argument wasn't worth our relationship as family members. I told her I was on the verge of an anxiety attack and she didn't stop. I had to hang up and I broke down. I don't actually remember half of the conversation, my boyfriend filled me in, I think I blacked out to some extent, I don't know. I cried for two hours, I couldn't stop shaking, I felt like I just couldn't think or breathe and I have never felt so out of control. My aunt rang me afterwards and yelled at me, asking me what I said, I told her and she accused me of lying saying I was causing my cousin all this stress. I think this opened the flood gates again for me. I actually felt fairly broken for a bit afterwards, I felt like the bad guy, the cause of all this pain and I can't stop thinking about it. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't regulate my body temperature (I was hot and sweaty despite it being a very cold night). It's now been four days since, and I'm still having nightmares, I don't know how to stop thinking about it. I feel like I'm overreacting, but I can't shake it, I keep trying to think about what I could have said or done to make it better. I don't know what to do-is this normal?

vincy Anxiety
  • replies: 2

Hey I’ve been dealing with anxiety and stress (more specifically social anxiety), how can I deal with it?

Hey I’ve been dealing with anxiety and stress (more specifically social anxiety), how can I deal with it?

Laura_ado Laura_ado
  • replies: 2

My ex husband forced me to do an abortion at the moment he learned that I was pregnant he took me twice to the abortion clinic. He uses to say horrible things about my body how it would be destroyed after pregnancy, he never helped me with anything o... View more

My ex husband forced me to do an abortion at the moment he learned that I was pregnant he took me twice to the abortion clinic. He uses to say horrible things about my body how it would be destroyed after pregnancy, he never helped me with anything or got involved with my pregnancy. I thought after I had a baby he would get better but things got worse, he used to go to brothel come back home so late, telling me every day how ugly and destroyed I was. Never helped with anything with the baby. Things escalated so much that he started being physically abusing me when I was with my son…. I decided to leave my place. Now, after 3 years he decided to be the best dad in the world took me to court and wants custody. is it possible a dad who rejected his son starts to love him after a long time?

expressionless Emotional regulation and anxiety
  • replies: 6

Hi guys,does anyone have an tips on emotional regulation or why this may be happening in my particular scenario. So I find myself able to regulate my emotions fairly easily when by myself if something arises that may cause stress(examples of work cha... View more

Hi guys,does anyone have an tips on emotional regulation or why this may be happening in my particular scenario. So I find myself able to regulate my emotions fairly easily when by myself if something arises that may cause stress(examples of work changing time, something going off schedule etc). However when I am with my partner this proves a lot more difficult. For example the other day when we were meeting some friends, he was a little late to pick me up. When he got to me, I started getting really anxious about why he was late, started crying and all that. However if this situation arised by myself, I would tend to calm myself and tell myself that it doesn't matter too much. It's like I tend to overreact more when he is present, and I just want to be as strong (or as quick) to change my behaviour and calm the anxiety earlier before it becomes a big thing.Any tips or thoughts??

Tote442 House is a living hell
  • replies: 4

I live in a sharehouse where a housemate is on the lease and is the boss of the house. She doesn't tolerate disagreement very well and is fairly black and white. The house is meant for her exclusive undisturbed enjoyment. The rules of the house are s... View more

I live in a sharehouse where a housemate is on the lease and is the boss of the house. She doesn't tolerate disagreement very well and is fairly black and white. The house is meant for her exclusive undisturbed enjoyment. The rules of the house are such that we have to minimise any inconvenience to her. For instance, at night, I have to sleep with my door ajar, tiptoe in the hallway and not flush the toilet in case this wakes her up. She is completely neurotic about the roster and holds others to a higher standard than she does herself. Yesterday, I found a message on the fridge saying, "PLEASE REMEMBER TO CLEAN THE BATHROOM AND TOILET!" I've been doing this already. During her roster weeks, she's been doing a half hearted job. On my weeks, I'm fairly thorough, but even then, it feels like she's still suspicious of me. This has been an obsession for her even though she leaves both sinks stacked with dirty dishes along with the bench space and food is left out - although I'm not allowed to do this. Her stuff is everywhere, but if you leave anything in the common areas, it's moved or she complains. You can't cook without her watching a movie on the projector with the lights off - so I feel like I'm disturbing her. She frequently berates and micromanages her daughter who also lives here. She uses foul language too. Text messages and talks are relentless. Sometimes I get accosted first thing I wake up in the morning. There is a long list of texts from her on my phone, but when I sent a few texts to her about the bills, she said I was pestering her in a very long message. Her texts have a creepy friendly tone with many smiley face emojis. When I'm in the same room as her, she is often moody or silent in a tense way. When she makes small talk, you can tell very quickly she's not interested in you in the slightest. I barely spend any time in common areas anymore, but this hasn't stopped the relentless messages and talks. Other housemates quickly realise she is the boss and are careful not to challenge her in the slightest. I've just had enough. I can't cope here. She begrudges what little personal space she allows me. She seems like a loose cannon. I have to be careful not to set her off. It's been disastrous for my mental health

mel_0727 How to deal with family giving you anxiety
  • replies: 2

I am currently in Australia with my husband. My brother wants to come here to study. My mother in law wants to move in with us. My dad is overseas and causes fights with my mum and neighbours for past grudges. My mum nags all day which irritates the ... View more

I am currently in Australia with my husband. My brother wants to come here to study. My mother in law wants to move in with us. My dad is overseas and causes fights with my mum and neighbours for past grudges. My mum nags all day which irritates the 4 of us. I feel I need to fix all of this, but don’t know how and this is driving crazy. My heart rate increases n have anxiety. Any suggestions on how to cope ?

Abi_Judd Hi
  • replies: 5

Hello, Im Abi. Im 14 years old and i was diagnosed with anxiety last year in February. It's really stressful for me. If anyone has any tips or rick for calming down during a panic attack during school, it would really help. No one's probably gonna re... View more

Hello, Im Abi. Im 14 years old and i was diagnosed with anxiety last year in February. It's really stressful for me. If anyone has any tips or rick for calming down during a panic attack during school, it would really help. No one's probably gonna read this so it probably pointless but i would really appreciate it if you could help a girl out.