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jess334 · ‎18-09-2013

Anyone have those days where you feel like your right back where you started all those years ago before the medication and therapy?

Today is one of those days. Woke up, had breakfast and then when it was time to go to work I had a huge panic attack. One of those that seem to go on forever, when in reality it was about 3 minutes. All those awful symptoms; heart racing, nausea, fear, hot & cold runs. I gave in, took some meds and went back to bed. It took 40 minutes of meditation before I could relax my muscles and brain.

Luckily my boss is amazing and when I told her I couldn't come in this morning she understood. Now its 3 hours later and I'm trying to think of excuses why I shouldn't go to work this afternoon. Truth is I don't want to feel the panic again. This is the worst thing about anxiety. When we are scared to death of feeling panic again, and all I want to do is sit on my couch where it is safe, but instead I have to get up, be strong and push through. And remind myself that one slip does not mean I'm back where I started. Tomorrow is a new day 🙂

Chris_B · ‎18-09-2013

Hey jess334, it's like a big game of snakes and ladders sometimes. After many years of fighting it and hating myself for not being able to 'harden up' and wish it away, I learnt that some days you just have to write off, reset like a frozen computer and start again the next day, like you said, and having an understanding employer in that situation is vital.

One of the biggest breakthroughs I had was getting to that point of confidence where you can experience the panic, or the depression, and know that it will go away. Doesn't make the present moment any better, but it certainly makes the recovery faster.

best
CB

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Online Community Manager

geoff · ‎19-09-2013

dear Jess, you have been a quite but strong responder over a long period, but I knew that you were still a bit fragile, so I have my rubber gloves on and reply to you as you should be in a caring and loving way. lol

You know that you will feel better, but that's beside the point, once we have this illness still attached to us, and yes I still have it and always will, it's our ability to be able to learn on how to control it, and that's never easy, but as time processes little set backs don't worry us any more, or we have learnt that we will be OK.

You are a strong person and you have had a great deal to cope with, but you have come this far, and instead of your head poking out of the ground now your up to your knees, if you gather on what I'm trying to say. L Geoff. x

LeedsUnited21 · ‎19-09-2013

your amaizg jess

so strong

marry me hehe

Malloryrie · ‎20-09-2013

Hi Jess,

Yep! I think we all have relapses at times, goes with the territory.

It's great that you have such an understanding boss, they make a world of difference. I have one as well 🙂

Yes, you had a slight set-back but guess what? You've got up and pushed through even though I know (as a fellow anxiety sufferer) that it's the last thing you want to do. So good on you! That really is something to celebrate. When in that awful place we really do need to congratulate ourselves for those little wins, as small as they seem, they are HUGE.

I'm sure you know that going to work is the best thing for you to do. That's a really big thing that helps me when I'm having a bad morning - knowing that going to work is the best thing for me to do, no matter how much my insides are fighting with every ounce of my being not too. And you know, that's the hardest step. From there it get's easier.

Distraction, distraction, distraction!

And absolutely, one set back does NOT mean you are going back to where you were. Tomorrow is a new day, and it may not be easy, but it will be a little better than yesterday and so will each day after that until you will be feeling yourself again.

Stay strong, and as my mum says to me, put your battle armour on and fight!!

Best wishes xx

jess334 · ‎20-09-2013

Thanks for the replies everyone.

These forums are great for being able to get some positive support from people who know what it feels like. Its very helpful knowing I'm not the only one who goes through this!

Gonna keep slugging on : )

Jess