forgotten who I am

[del]

lately I can't shake off the feeling that everyone is judging me. I become so anxious and nervous around people, even my closest friends and family, all I think about when talking to them is wondering what they are thinking about me. It is almost like I have forgotten who I am, and how I use to act? I use to be such an outgoing and confident person.. I don't know how to go back to that?! I constantly feel like I need to drink in order to relax and often take it too far and just embarrass myself, which leads to me being even more anxious.

I can't look people in the eye anymore and if there is even the shortest silence between conversations I start to freak out. How do I fix this? Is this anxiety? I just want to be back to my normal self again 😞

[anna3]

It's good that you noticed this change in your behaviour.
Having had anxiety earlier this year I definitely recognise your description and I would say yes, it does sound like anxiety to me. This is really helpful for you to know, and from here you can:

Chat to someone close to you about it
Make a doctors appointment to explore medication options (the one I am on is really effective I've found)
Find a good psychologist (this takes a little while, don't just go for the first one you find)
Make looking after yourself your number one priority. Thiss might mean cutting back on your workload until you feel better and making time to do anything that you notice helps you feel calmer e.g. listening to music, having a bath, exercising, reading, watching TV- remember this is not your everyday life, it is just a period of coping that you need to go through before you start feeling better. Give yourself some slack, and ask if others can do the same if that's an option for you.

[Chris_B]

Hi del,

Welcome to the forums.  Anxiety is frightening when it comes on, and when you think you can't go back to how you were before, which then becomes a loop: 'what if I stay like this?'

All of anna3's suggestions are good ones.  Good that you've identified drinking is short-term gain for long-term pain.  Cutting back on that would be a good start until you can get some of your symptoms under control.  There's a fact sheet about alcohol, depression and anxiety here that may help: https://www.bspg.com.au/dam/bsg/product?client=BEYONDBLUE&prodid=BL/0058&type=file

When I've been having severe depressed or anxious episodes I have had to make a conscious decision to cut alcohol out entirely, because the 'mood hangover' was too much for me personally.

Check out this section of our website too for tips on managing stress: http://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/recovery-and-staying-well

When you go to your doctor, explain everything to him/her as you have above, including the behaviour changes.  It will help in getting you the best treatment as anxiety comes in many different forms.

And please keep posting here for support, whatever's on your mind.

best
CB

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[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Del,

You are getting back to your old confidant self.   Your thread is very clear and supportive.    A bit of alcohol can turn into a lot but you seem to be on it.   I think the main thing with anxiety is that you can stop doing the activities that you love whereas it would be better to maintain them and keep an eye out for any anxiety triggers.  Find the balance and be less hard on yourself.

I am having a social next Tue for some friends I fell out with.  It's a huge effort to re-connect but I felt it was time to put the past behind each other.   A mutual friend is coming to be the Peacemaker.  Maybe that's what you need.  A buffer.  Someone to ease you through the anxious moments without judgement.

Maybe it's a risk to put ourselves in difficult situations but even going over a zebra crossing is full of risks too.  Pouring boiling water into a cup.   Shaving.   Parking a car in a heavy  trafficked street with horns blaring.    Even running a bath if you get a call and forget the water's running.  I mean, the next step to being social and mixing it up outside the house is on a par with all these domestic things we must cope with.     My dad was home on stress leave when I was a kid and he couldn't even boil the kettle and make toast at the same time.   Plus carried two sets of spare car keys incase he locked himself out.    Stress, anxiety and a bit of OCD.

Good Luck getting back to your real self.   My nephew/niece christened me The Real David cos there is another Uncle called David.  But he's a completely selfish type that doesn't connect with anyone whereas I am a musician that maybe gets too involved. Being your true self will probably make the alcohol dry up a bit.

Adios, David.