Apprentiship issues and extreme anxiety about working in general

[Slaugh]

Hi all,

I am currently a 4th year electrical apprenticeship desperatly trying to keep it afloat whilst suffering what I can only assume is a type of work anxiety and depression.

I am 32 married with one child. In my short life in the work force I have had 9 jobs all which I have been made redundant almost right on the 18 month mark, give or take a few months. My goal as an apprentice was to start my own business so i can avoid getting sacked from jobs every 1 and halyears.

I began this apprenticeship with 5 years experience in the telecommunications feild over 3 jobs.

Now I have 3 years experience as an electrician and very close to finishing my apprenticeship but one catch...i don't have an employer and I don't believe I can stand the thought of taking on what would be my 3rd job under this apprenticeship.

The first job I was made redundant after 2 and half years. The next my boss fired me because I enroled in school when he insisted he needed me full time. The issue here was we both agreed I would work full time for 6 months and then re enrol back at TAFE. On the 6 month mark and following on for 4 weeks after, I requested to be enrolled daily. My boss just blew me off and continued as business as usual. So I took the initiative and enrolled. Told him, which subseqyently lead to my dismissal.

Now the truth is I have come to a conclusion in my own head about what is happening in my working life and I really can't see what else it can be. That truth is that I am not a likable person. What I have found is on the 18 month mark my collegues have spent enough time with me to know they can't stand being around me. I don't blame them... I am always stressed at work no matter the job, overly cynical, shy (which comes off as snobby to many extroverts), I am a heavy smoker (so I constantly stink), and I am not interested in talking about women in a deviant manner (now you can tell I work around tradies)

Now over the 14 years experience I have had in the workforce I have hit a brickwall. Some would say a nervous breakdown. This new job I have as an apprentice was a favour from a very good friend of mine, however my anxiety about failing again far outways the gratitude I have for my friend getting me the job. I'm absolutely terrified about working for someone else as I know I can never trust an employer. (My friend is not the employer, he just put in a good word for me). I am very close to finishing but simply can't stomach the thought of working for someone.

[Croix]

Dear Slaugh~

Welcome and thank you for your post.

It looks to me like you have two problems, not one. On the one hand you need to completer your apprenticeship. This, as a 3/4th year apprentice has two upsides.

The Federal Governments paper on why apprenticeships fail/succeed stated that employers tend to get back their investment in training and supervision in those last two years ,and as a result are getting value for money.

Additionally you do not have that long to go.

Now for the important bit. All though your post you are down on yourself, obviously at least in part due to a most unfortunate employment history. As someone who has suffered from depression, and long-term anxiety I'd suggest visiting my GP and setting out everything in a long consultation with a view to being tested for these two conditions.

I'd also suggest writing everything down first, particularly your feelings and lack of hope and trust. See if the doctor thinks you to might be suffering from these illnesses - you don't have to be born with them, they can come on later for a variety of reasons, and are subject to treatment

Not fitting in with the crowd is not a reason to be out of work, cash difficulties by some small employers sounds closer to the mark.

On the plus side you are strong enough to keep going for many years and did not meekly submit when your ex-boss failed to allow you to go to TAFE.

You mention you have a family, are you in a supportive environment at home?

Please write more and say what is happening.

Croix

[Slaugh]

Thank you very much for your reply Croix.

Yes, I have a very supportive home. My wife is one of the most generous and understanding person I have ever known. My immediate family and even my in laws and my siblings inlaws are all extremely supportive. I really do have a very close and supportive family. Im very lucky to have a family like I do.

[Slaugh]

But there are details I could not mention due to the limit of the post.My boss who didnt let me attend school was my cousin's husband. He approached me at my brothers wedding in 2013 and mentioned he was starting an electrical company with two collegues of his and wondered if I would like to sign up because of my previous telstra experience. I was reluctant at first as I had just completed a traineeship for a cert 4 in IT networking and really didnt want to go through anymore training. However, although I loved the idea of becoming an electrician I was still employed with a telco company, but a redundancy a few weeks later ended that job so I began working with him as an apprentice.The first two weeks I was working 7 days a week for 12 hours each day and got quite sick but I took everyday as it came and obtained heaps of new skills. The 5am to 5pm days were taking its toll. Most days were 10 hours minimum. But I pushed through and all seemed good.Then going into my second year my cousin's husband just upped and left the company. No warning at all, he just left. As far as I know it was a rather bitter departure from his collegues. So I was left with these two for collegues of his who had some serious baggage with my cousin's husband. 6 months later they called me in and quite literally (yes, i mean it literally) made up a whole bunch of excuses about my behaviour. Not one was true and I knew they knew it. The major complaint was my punctuality. I would like to point out that I have never been late to work in my entire life. My anxiety simply doesnt allow me to be. I never been later than 15 minutes early for my shift. Anyway once I was made redundant I called my cousin's husband to see if I could continue my apprenticeship with him.Luckily he had started a company syraight after he left the previous one. He signed me up but with conditions not known by the apprentiship agency such as taking me on as casual and no overtime pay. I didnt mind because I was still going to school (even though I wasnt being paid to be there) and was moving forward.Then he "asked" me to work full time essentially threatning my job with his request.

That'sit in a bit more detail, however, I have had social anxiety for longer than I can remember, something that was noticed by teachers when I was in kinda. It was suggested to my mum that I stay down to develop social skills, however I am a twin and my mum didnt want to seperate me from my brother. I am glad she didnt.

[Croix]

Dear Slaugh~

Thank you for coming back, and giving more details of this most unhappy situation. Also I'm grateful for your thanks, it makes me feel good to be appreciated.

I'm afraid my thoughts haven not changed, even in light of your new post. Looking after yourself first and seeking medical help for long-running anxiety is a must. I can say from personal experience that it was not possible for me to get out of it by myself - even with a supportive family like yours - incidentally we are both blessed there.

Once such matters are more under control the new job will be more comfortable and hopefully you will be able to do both the time and the study to gain your full qualification.

You have my best wishes

Croix