Anxiety overwhelming

[Hadlee]

Hi All

I am struggling terribly with this latest bout of anxiety.  I have had anxiety before, but this time is worse than any other, and I believe I am dealing with social anxiety now.  It's been so bad in the last couple of days that all I want to do is end the pain.  The trigger was caused by a senior manager at work ripping into me for something she deemed I did wrong in a meeting last week.  There is another meeting scheduled next week and I am petrified.  I feel like an idiot and am afraid I will freeze when asked a question.  My stomach won't stop churning and I constantly feel sick.  Haven't been able to sleep properly and I scared myself on Friday night with having dark suicidal thoughts (I have calmed that down now).  It's horrible as all I fear is doom - can't seem to find any positive right now 😞 

[JessF]

Hello Hadlee, have you ever received any form of treatment for your anxiety? Suicidal thoughts are like an alarm system for the brain, as are the other symptoms you are having.  How are things at work normally?  Is this manager bullying you?

[Lapin]

Hi Hadlee,

I have anxiety from work also, I just want you to know that you are not alone, you are not the only one. There are a lot of people who have anxiety, but no-one will ever know about it. I saw a psychologist which helped me heaps, even just opening up to someone about it was helpful. I also started playing a team sport which boosted my confidence and gave me new perspective on things.
My best friend told me that I have a tendency to zero-in on certain aspects of my life, if you only focus on work and your boss and things aren't going ideally in that arena, you'll end up feeling completely absorbed by it and thus feel anxious and worried. This is NOT the only aspect of your life, you also have relationships (family+friends) and hobbies outside of work, work is just one small part of a large picture of your life.

I hope this helps to put things in perspective, if you can talk with someone about it, perhaps you can come up with an action plan on dealing with your anxiety towards work. 

[Hadlee]

Thanks  JessF.  Yes, I was on antidepressants 18 months ago due to bullying at work by another manager.  The current one only had one outburst and won't be a part of my work for much longer as she is moving on.  I was also going to see a counselor to deal with the anxiety.  Combination of meds and therapy did help.  I have an appointment tomorrow with my doctor to go back on the meds. 

[Hadlee]

Thanks Lapin.  You are absolutely right and have put things into perspective for me.  Unfortunately, my whole life has been consumed with work the last couple of years.  I gave up exercise, socialising to an extend and mediating, which I loved.

There is a lesson in your message - I need to get back to doing things for me.  Thanks again 🙂

[strangebrew]

Hi Hadlee,

you mentioned you previously had done meditating? Have you done the instant calm breath exercises? I have had previous experience with corporate bullying and harrassment and severe anxiety in the workplace and corporate meetings with executives etc. I found if I got into a panic/anxiety attack in a meeting environment, and the fear of being in a situation I couldn't leave came on, I could do the instant calm breath exercises because they seemed to lessen the initial physical symptom of the anxiety attack and I could do it without others being aware so it at least enabled me to get through some of those horrific meetings like you have experienced.

Ultimately though, I did have to get myself out of that job and that company as it had a toxic environment and culture of bullying managers. A job is not worth a severe impact to personal health and wellbeing I have found. It took me a long time to get the strength to move on and management bullying can be a nightmare so I really feel for you and hope you well.

Take Care

SB

[Lapin]

Glad I could be of help Hadlee 🙂 

[Hadlee]

Thanks SB.  I haven't tried that breathing technique, however it sounds like it could really help me 🙂

You are right - no job is worth all the anxiety!  There are also a lot of toxic people in my workplace, which is difficult when I am normally such a happy person.  The politics are ridiculous and hard to avoid at times!!!  I am hoping to get my confidence back then move on to another position/company.  Had two counseling sessions since my first post, and the psych was great.  I'm getting back into the meditation, so hopefully it won't be long before I get the 'old' me back 🙂 

Thanks again.

[strangebrew]

Good Luck Hadlee, getting the confidence back has been the longest and hardest part of the journey for me and I am still getting there.

But if you are in a toxic environment, its not worth it for your health and it really does mess with your self-esteem. Stick with the meditition and sounds like you have a good psych. Its a long journey but its one step at a time.