Anxiety is becoming debilitating

[Manalishi]

Hello, first time poster here, been suffering from anxiety for around 6 weeks now, I haven't received a formal diagnosis yet, but I've arranged an appointment to set up a mental healthcare plan, and over the course of multiple GP and Emergency Room visits we've ruled out just about everything else. During the last week it seems to have gotten particularly bad, with my anxiety/panic attacks increasing in frequency, along with more occurrences of symptoms such as chest pain, and tingling in my extremities and around the base of my skull. Most recently, a new symptom has appeared which is giving me significant trouble sleeping. I'll go to bed, and then start to nod off, and then seconds later I'll get what feels like a massive adrenaline rush, and be completely unable to sleep, even when I was dead tired moments before.

Despite the all-clear from the ER and my GP, it's hard not to be scared when symptoms such as this appear, any help you folks can provide would be greatly appreciated.

[Manalishi]

Dammit, 4 in the morning and still on here, waiting for a response. Sleep seems like a lost cause, as I just can't stop cogitating on this subject, and I feel like I don't even know who I am anymore, much less what I should do about the situation.

For the last few years I've thought of my sexuality/gender identity as something to be ignored/repressed, a sleeping giant that would consume me should it ever be awakened, and it seems like I was right on the money in that regard.

Amazing what can happen in one day.

[blondguy]

Hi Manalishi

I agree with you so much when it comes to having this figured out and then life does throw us a curved ball.

Just a note on the IBS....I used to have chronic anxiety for a long time and eventually learned that our digestive system is the most sympathetic (reactive) where mild or chronic anxiety is concerned. The lower the anxiety levels the less issues we have with IBS......just from my experience that is!

You having thoughts about being a woman are more common than you know Manalishi except you have the courage to talk about what your feelings and what you experiencing. That makes you a legend....seriously!

You are never alone on this subject. I have worked for people in the fashion industry for years that have had exactly the same thoughts about their sexuality and gender identity as well!

Im sorry that you were alone in the small hours as we do try really hard to answer posts as soon as we can

I think you are an amazing person and it would great if you could stick around the forums with us (if and when its convenient for you of course)

my kind thoughts and please be gentle with yourself too!

Paul

[Manalishi]

Thanks for the kind words and support Paul, if I may ask, did any of these people you worked for actually follow through and begin transitioning? I'd like to know more.

Anyway, decided to tell my brother about it today, as being the only one who really knew about it was doing my head in. It came as a shock to him obivously, and he was skeptical (so am I honestly), but he was very supportive nonetheless, and we were able to laugh and joke about it, which was a huge relief, as I've always thought of this stuff as a very solemn, serious issue. Not sure how I'm gonna break the subject to my dad though, I think he'd be fine with me being gay or bi or whatever, but trans might be a bridge too far for him, and I've heard him make some transphobic comments in the past ("Drag Queens" etc.). Whether this is genuine malice or just a "product of his time" I'm not sure, but I think I'm going to wait a while before letting him know.

As I mentioned, this has bought with it a whole new kind of anxiety. On Friday night I had pain across my chest, IBS flareups, and my mind was racing, it was like my body was in open revolt! But in a way it's quite refreshing, this anxiety I feel is a lot more understandable and rational than the constant fear of death I had with my health anxiety. Having said that, it's still making life difficult, but at least know the reason for it now.

[Kimmih01]

I literally just came out of my 8th doctors visit in 7 weeks for the same symptoms.

The chest pains won’t let up, above my sternum, sometimes feel it in my back and shoulder. Sometimes my fingers feel numb and my arms and shoulders ache. Taking a deep breath seems so difficult sometimes, almost like I can’t.

My doctors believe it’s my anxiety also. I’m struggling to understand how it can cause all of this but all the tests aren’t showing that it’s anything else.

Got sent out with a script for medication and am interested (and nervous) to see if it helps.

[blondguy]

Hey Manalishi

Thank you so much for the kind post! Back in the 1970's and 1980's I had several work colleagues that were proudly gay and very open about their sexuality. If memory serves there were some that did make the transition to become a 'woman' as per their heartfelt beliefs and feelings and were proud to do so too!

Just a note....There was no judgment if anyone made the decision to cross to the opposite gender all those years ago. I dont recall any criticism or silly homophobic attitudes at the time thank goodness!

May I ask how your anxiety is going as the earlier its treated the better our recovery will be Manalishi 🙂

my kind thoughts

Paul

[Manalishi]

Hi Paul

The anxiety was bad yesterday, had a panic attack while I was driving, which was awful, though I was able to stay in control and get on with my day, and I've been good today. I discovered a trans subcommunity within a chat server I'm on, and after talking with some of them I'm now almost certain I'm trans. It's a very exciting time, as I learned that you can experience gender euphoria i.e. the thought of being the opposite gender makes you very happy and excited, which looking back I think I've experienced since I was 14 or so at least, maybe even back into my childhood!

Going to try making a few subtle changes to my appearance to try and look more feminine, and see how it works out for me. Something as momentous as this. it's probably best to take things slow.

Manalishi out.

[jollydolly]

Hi Manalishi,

I've just read through your thread after coming on to the boards to bridge the time until my GP appointment, and I wanted to say WOW! What a warrior you are being throughout this horrendous experience that is anxiety. Sharing your thoughts (speaking, writing, texting....anything!) is such an important way to ease the load and also to process the thoughts, and on these boards, it has the added bonus of helping others. I'm glad that even though this understanding you've come to about yourself may be difficult in some ways, it could perhaps result in a reduction in things like the fear of death/health anxiety. That sounds like progress, a movement towards a resolution, you know what I mean? Good for you, and I'll do my best to come back on in the next few days and see how you're going. Best wishes.

[summerlove91]

I'm have really bad anxiety. It's gotten so bad lately, I feel physically sick and it's making my ocd worse. My head feels so weird, I feel light-headed and look pale. I just need support to get my life back on track. I don't tell anyone how I'm feeling, I want to feel better and manage my anxiety condition. Any support received will be really good, I think that's what really need the most.

[Midean]

Hi Mana, my name is Dylan, im 39 and i felt like i needed to write this to you, as i was reading what you are going through.

Firstly, you are not alone. I was amazed at how similar our condition is, from health anxiety, to panic attacks, to your gaming area being a trigger spot. I have lived with this for around 25 years now, and for what its worth, ive found a combination of medication and therapy have been the most helpful ways of treating this condition. So my friend, you are moving in the right direction in every way, stick at it, and it will get better, i promise.

[Manalishi]

Wow, so many new people! Hello!

Got hammered by depression/anxiety earlier this week, seemed to be triggered by thoughts of experimenting with my gender identity. Still I went through with my plans and felt great for doing it, so I'll consider it a victory.

Again, visiting my psych seems to have improved things, as I've felt a lot better for the last few days. Tonight though I had a depersonalisation episode, which was not fun. Felt like the world wasn't real, and closing my eyes brought me back into "reality". I was also able to visualise things very vividly when I had my eyes closed, and my hands in particular felt disconnected, almost as though they were phantom limbs. Thankfully, it all only lasted a few minutes.

Keeping my head above water for now, Manalishi out