Anxiety is becoming debilitating

[Manalishi]

Hello, first time poster here, been suffering from anxiety for around 6 weeks now, I haven't received a formal diagnosis yet, but I've arranged an appointment to set up a mental healthcare plan, and over the course of multiple GP and Emergency Room visits we've ruled out just about everything else. During the last week it seems to have gotten particularly bad, with my anxiety/panic attacks increasing in frequency, along with more occurrences of symptoms such as chest pain, and tingling in my extremities and around the base of my skull. Most recently, a new symptom has appeared which is giving me significant trouble sleeping. I'll go to bed, and then start to nod off, and then seconds later I'll get what feels like a massive adrenaline rush, and be completely unable to sleep, even when I was dead tired moments before.

Despite the all-clear from the ER and my GP, it's hard not to be scared when symptoms such as this appear, any help you folks can provide would be greatly appreciated.

[baet123]

Hey Mana,

Sorry to hear that your awake at 3:30am and that your panic attacks are occurring at all hours of the day and night. This sounds very distressing and I am extremely pleased to see that you have posted on the forums and expressed your current thoughts and emotions. This is important to do and I hope you feel to an extent that posting on these forums regularly remains beneficial to you on your journey.

You mention when you have anxious thoughts, you think of the worst case scenario. This is completely normal and in fact, the human brain is wired to always think/visualise the worst case scenario. Particularly when you are suffering from anxiety and severe anxiety, hypochondria and pessimism is common unfortunately. It is so encouraging that you are aware of this and yes, it is a good topic to bring up at your next session.

Congratulations on being called up for a job interview on Friday. That is amazing and it is great news and shows that your progressing. Financial independence is important and it will go along way in improving your self-esteem, confidence and self-worth which due to your conditions is skewed at present.

You mention the remarks and thoughts you have regarding self-harm and suicide are infrequent and pass quickly. This is great, however, you definitely want to mention this to your psychologist and your GP as these thoughts should not be taken lightly. You may also consider phoning Lifeline on 13 11 14 if you feel that these thoughts are becoming more frequent and are lingering constantly.

Have a great week Mana.

Nick.

[Manalishi]

Had an appointment with my regular GP today, explained how the situation had developed since I last saw him and got the holter monitor results (bit of an arrhythmia, but nothing to worry about). After telling him about my DASS test score and my visits to the psychologist he gave me a description for antidepressants, which I'll definitely look into, but I want to speak with my psychologist and ideally my other GP before I start on them. In the last couple of days I've been experiencing stabbing chest pains in the right side and centre of my chest though, and when I told him about this he immediately gave me a referral for a chest x-ray, which was quite disconcerting.

So now I sit here, waiting for the results, and while I'm not that concerned, (I had an x-ray in September when I had my first panic attack, and they found nothing, plus I assume they'll contact me immediately if something's wrong.) I am worried about the flare-up of my anxiety in the last couple of days, with the persistent stabbing chest pains and even more worryingly, an occasional tightness in my chest and shortness of breath. It's really hard to sit and ignore the symptoms when they're just like the warning signs of a heart attack and your mind is screaming "Call 000!", I'm almost at the point where I'm thinking of going to the ER tomorrow just for some peace of mind. (which of course leads to guilt over wasting their time etc. etc.)

Don't really have a conclusion for this one, so, Manalishi out.

[baet123]

Hey Mana,

Glad your holter monitor results were fine and that your heart is normal/healthy. Next time you feel chest pain/discomfort and your worries about your heart/chest, take a moment and tell yourself that your recent results indicate that your of good health. This is super important.

I am glad to hear that you will be starting on antidepressants. I am sure they will benefit you greatly as they did me and many others!

I wouldn't worry about the results. If and I mean if the result shows something dangerous, you would be contacted immediately that day so I am glad you have a good mindset. Of course, it is hard to ignore real pain and real symptoms but keep doing your best and you will power through this!

Nick.

[Manalishi]

So yeah, the last couple of days have been a living hell. Despite my best efforts, I couldn't stop myself worrying about the results of my x-ray, and went on a horrible tangent thinking I had heart failure and would be dead by the end of the week. I had no idea until now that you can have "panic episodes" where panic attacks of varying intensity just keep coming all day.

So yeah, after being in the grips of that for most of Thursday, I saw my therapist this afternoon and got it all off my chest, which helped a lot, and she taught me some progressive muscle relaxation techniques, which seem to help calm me down somewhat.

Oh yeah, I got my medication today, but I'm going to wait until Sunday before I start taking it, going to a miniature wargames tournament tomorrow and I really don't want to run the risk of side effects while I'm at that.

Manalishi out.

[baet123]

Hey Mana,

Sorry to hear that your struggling at present. It sucks to be constantly worrying about your health and it is no way to live. No matter what reassurance you receive, it is always lingering in the back of your mind right? I know it does suck from my own experience with health anxiety but it will get better. Just keep fighting and pushing man. You are taking all the necessary steps and I believe the medication will be beneficial.

Wargames tournament? Nice Mana. I purchased a few industrial terrain sets.

Enjoy the tournament.

Nick.

[Manalishi]

Hey Nick,

Tournament was great fun, 3-0 clean sweep for me. My anxiety was bubbling away the whole time but I managed to keep a lid on it. (Though I don't know if the ache/tension in my throat was due to that or me having to talk quite loudly to be heard.)

Seeing the psychologist seems to have really helped, been more or less symptom-free since, and I'm not sure how much effect they really have, but the progressive muscle relaxation exercises seem to really help. Starting my medication tomorrow, and I have an appointment with my GP on Monday, so if I get any side-effects I'll be able to let them know immediately.

[Manalishi]

Long time no see folks, just realised I hadn't posted here in 3 weeks, so time for another update!

I've been responding quite well to the antidepressants, and I haven't had anything I'd call a panic attack since I started them. Symptoms still appear from time to time, but I'm able to remain in a calm state of mind, and stop the anxiety/panic from taking over, so overall I'd say it's been a great success! Unfortunately I do get some side effects, mainly IBS, but if that's the price to pay for no more panic attacks then it's one I'm willing to pay.

I'm still seeing my psychologist, and we're working on CBT techniques to finish it off for good, but overall, I'd say the meds have let me get my life back on track.

Main reason I'm posting here is that I've had some other things on my mind lately, and I want to get them off my chest. I've lately been watching a web series that goes into various videogames, and explains what makes them "tick" so to speak, and how they've influenced their genres etc. as well as why the presenters like them personally. This got me thinking about my own personal favourite videogame series, Fallout; but when I tried to come up with an answer as to why I love these games so much, I couldn't really come up with a satisfactory answer. This was strange to me, as I've been playing videogames my entire life (literally, some of my earliest memories are playing Sonic when I was 2 years old!), and I thought I would easily be able to explain why I derive so much enjoyment from them. This got me thinking about how my education should have taught me how to express these feelings, which led to the terrifying thought that maybe when I was in high school, I did know how, and my knowledge and writing skill has atrophied to the point where I'm no longer capable of expressing a meaningful opinion. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I've always felt that I lack the means to properly express my opinion on things that I enjoy, and it frustrates me to no end.

This is in no way limited to writing/games either, as I've grown older, my lack of artistic ability has been gnawing at me, as I have so many ideas for stories/settings etc, but I feel like I have no way to express them. Has anyone else had trouble with stuff like this? any advice?

Apologies if my post got a bit bloggy, but I had to get these thoughts down before I forgot.

Manalishi out.

[baet123]

Hey Mana,

Great to hear from you again. I really think its a good think that your not posting as often as you were as that generally means your doing better which it seems like you are and that is amazing Mana. Really proud of you and happy for you mate.

Symptoms may be there for a while yet, but it is important to as you said remain calm and don't let the anxiety take off. I am glad the medication is extremely effective at present. You mention IBS as a main side effect, have you mentioned this to your doctor and maybe that has something to do with your eating habits?

Such great news about the medication getting your life back on track. What webseries are you talking about? I would love to look into that.

I think you are extremely talented and you have so many great qualities and characteristics. Everyone has some sort of artistic ability, you just need to discover a way to release it! I am in the same boat to an extent lol.

Look forward to hearing about your continued progression and good health.

Nick.

[Manalishi]

The series is called "Talking Simulator" from a Canadian bunch called LoadingReadyRun, they stream it on Twitch. Actually just check them out in general, they do a lot of awesome stuff, including Desert Bus For Hope, a yearly fundraiser where they play the worst game ever made, Desert Bus, to raise money for Child's Play.

As for my IBS, when my health anxiety started, I began eating a lot healthier, which has led to a fairly dramatic uptick in fibre intake, which may have something to do with it. I find taking the medication around meal times helps occasionally, but it's hit and miss.

Been having a lot of thoughts about my life in general lately on top of the creative stuff, might ask my psychologist if we can take a break from the health anxiety for a bit to talk about it when I see her tomorrow.

[Manalishi]

Sheesh, just when you think you've got this stuff figured out, life absolutely blindsides you.

Perhaps I should make a new thread over in the Gender/Sexuality sub-forum for this, but I've already established myself here so what the hey. There's no other way to say this, I think I might be a woman. The thoughts came about yesterday when I saw a picture online of a woman showing off her new tights/stockings, and I thought to myself, "They look great! I want some!", which made me think about how much I'd be ridiculed for wearing something like that. That got me thinking further, and, while I'd rather not really go into it on here yet, long story short is I realised I've been having thoughts about being a woman since my early teenagehood.

I saw my psychologist this morning, and thankfully my nerve held, and I was able to talk to her about these thoughts and feelings. (I digress here to say she handled it wonderfully, I was afraid she'd brush it off in favour of continuing our health anxiety work, or perhaps even dismiss me entirely. But she immediately broke off the health anxiety focus to talk with me about this, and was very gentle and understanding throughout.) Nevertheless, these thoughts have more-or-less completely occupied my mind since yesterday, and brought anxiety symptoms with them, including a panic attack featuring heart palpitations etc. early this evening (no health worries though, thankfully). I just have no idea how to proceed, how my family will react etc.

I don't expect anyone on here to have an answer, hell I barely have a grasp of the situation, and I'm the one who's experiencing it! I just wanted to get this out there, and try and get some support, and maybe even some answers.

Until next time, Manalishi out (or perhaps Manalishe now :P)