Anxious about the beginnings of a relapse

[riddle95]

Hi. I'm not really sure how I am feeling at the moment. The past couple days have been a little weird and I say that because I am feeling anxiety in my chest out of the blue and having real negative/depressive like thoughts/feelings that have come on suddenly. It sort of started around Christmas I would say. Nothing bad has happened that I can identify as a trigger but the other night I got really drunk with some friends at a get together. I had an amazing night and i'm a happy drunk. And then when everyone went to bed I just got really sad and was wide awake and I ended up contacting a helpline because I kept crying about past trauma memories came up and I felt like dying and such. I just remember talking to the counsellor over message and then I eventually went to sleep. Now the past couple days I have felt little bits of sadness and like something is wrong for what seems like no reason. Last year I had major depression / suicidal tendencies and it has been a year (just over) since I was in hospital and I haven't had any real depressive like episodes since. I'm scared I'm about to relapse and I feel like I have done something wrong and like it is my fault that this is happening. I don't know what I should do.

[Truc]

Hi riddle95

When I was being alone and had nothing to do, I usually think of the past and feel remorse about a lot of things, but then when I tried to be more aware, I know if I keep remorsing further, it is not good for my mental health, I have to do something unless it is going to be worse, so I tried to keep myself busy with new hobbies and do things with people, and drink less because I know if I use my body to live, so I can not mistreat my body in that way, so I stopped drinking and maybe just drink in a while. By that, I got back myself, my social life and my career become brighter and better. I think we tend to remorse or recall anything bad before because we are free and bored, I am not sure I could be wrong but I feel so, that is why when my mind is wondering around negatively, I grabbed the guitar, I talked with friends or do anything I think is productive, it is hard to start but I put my mental health on top first so even if I do not like it, I still have to do it somehow. I hope it is helpful because we may have different situations.

[Gambit87]

Hi Riddle,
Welcome to the forums! reaching out takes alot of courage and guts, good on ya.

Depression and anxiety are brutal beasts, just when you feel like you got a handle on things and everything feels like its going well... you get hit by the depression and anxiety freight train.

You know what... Thats ok! It happens.

Its happening to me right now - Ive been feeling a little low in the last few days but I have forgiven myself and im taking note of possible causes and going 'back to basics' as I call it. Self care is so important - and i think ive been neglecting myself lately so its something ive got to change.

forgive yourself!
talk about it! open up to family/friends/psychologist?
self care!

sometimes you take 1 step back, but your going to make 2 steps forward.

we're here for you.