anxiety, depression i dont know anymore i need help!

[kath_ian26]

im 21, ive suffered anxiety adn depression for 2 years now ever since i got assulted by a taxi driver, i havent spoken to many people about how i fell and how to handle things but now i am stuggling and need help! it started 2 years ago when it happend i was 18 my boyfriend and i struggled with it together and we split 2 months later i have never really had any closure with the situation as when the police interviewed him he flew back to india the next day and havent herd anything. i had severe anxiety for the first couple months i couldent leave the house or do anything see friends go out have fun every thing was dull and lifeless. i was a smoker and couldent smoke anymore or drink even fizzy drinks like coke and fanta as in my head i would think its going to make my anxiety worse. it was all in my head, as time went on i started feeling better but still hated being alone by myslef, 6 months later me and my boyfriend got back together and i got pregnant 1 month later! i now have a beuatiful 18 month old  boy which i was so happy about i still had anxiety through my pregnancy but not as severe, i was always calling the police to find out if they had any clues as to whats going to happen and they told me they were trying to get him back from india but were waiting for some other people to sign off so they could go extradite him. i went to the police station in december last year and explained to him i wanted to drop the case because i was constantly thinkng about it and i couldent get it out of my head and wanted to start fresh with a clear head! he told me not to worry as it will still take a few years to go through so he told me to relax and stop thinking about it and when it happens if i still dont want to go through with it then thats fine he also told me other information which i didnt know about involving another girl who i did not know. anyway 1 1/2 months aftrer seeing them someone rocked up at my door last week and said that i have to go to court in a month to give my evidence and sign my statement the guy will not be there as he is still in india but they want to hurry up thee process, thats when i started feeling like this again i was starting to feel happy and normal again but that came crashing down pretty quickly! i have been crying since he came over and am worried me and my partner will go through the same things that happened last time we were to stressed! im so scared and nervous i dont wat to feel like this i have my son who i need to be happy for!  i also work full time which makes it even harder to have a rest. i went out last night with my friends and i had a couple of drinks my partner came and picked me up and as soon i got home and had a shower i could feel my anxiety creeping up on me like it always does! i had a full blown anxiety attack and felt like i was dying and i was stuck in this hole again! i had to walk outside and breathe felt like i was going to be sick and i was having a heart attack! it felt like old times like i knew this feeling all to well! and i did today i feel crap i feel sad emtionless and lethargic, i dont know what to do anymore i want to feel normal so bad but i just feel like im stuck in a ba dream which ill never wake up from i have days when im ok but then the down days are the worst, ever since i got the news i need to go to court i have been so upset emotional and lifeless its taking over my life again and i need it to stop i wish this never happened and i wonder what my life would be like. im sure i would be happy and enjoying life but im not at all i just want to be normal feel normal and not have all these thoughts running through my head. i feel like im back at square one and thats it for me.

[Pixie15]

Hi kath_ian@26,

I am sorry you have had this terrible experience. I am glad that you have your boyfriend to support to and your little boy to give you something to look forward to. I hope that sharing your story here has helped you.

You did not say if you have received any counselling since the assault happened. I am not an expert but when I read your story I thought of post traumatic stress disorder. I think if you search the Beyond Blue site you will find some information. 

It may be a good idea to see your doctor to talk about getting some help or if you have a women's health center in your area they should be able to connect you with a counselling service.

I can not exactly know your experience but I know what it is like to just want to feel normal and not have to deal with the pain. It helps if you can find the right support. You can be happy again.

Peace,

GratefulToday.

[kath_ian26]

Hi thank you, I have not seen anyone since it happened and don't want to talk about the whole experience Gain, but I know I need help! it's hard to say and speak about it in depth

[Perkin]

I'm sure that any counsellor would understand if you don't want to talk about the assault. That's completely understandable.  But you can talk to them about your anxiety attacks, your relationship, parenthood. You worry about the impact this will have on you boyfriend and your son, counselling would help you with that. 

[Pixie15]

Hi,

It is hard to talk about traumatic events. It was explained to me when I was doing CBT last year that you can't get rid of the memory but you can let the path to it become overgrown. 

It may not be necessary to do talking therapy. You may be able to do some CBT or a mindfulness practice to keep you grounded in the present. 

Keep in touch if your want let us know how your going.

Cheers.