Drinking Anxiety

[Dexter2748]

For some reason I get really anxious when I'm around people drinking or when my partner is out drinking with his friends. I remember when I was 6 years old my parents hosted a street party as we were new to the neighbourhood. It was fine to start with but after a few hours I remember all the adults were out of control, including my parents. People were falling over, braking tables and one guy even decided to do a strip tease even though his wife didn't approve. After the party I remember mum telling us kids to hide in a bedroom together because my father was out of control. These parties continued for about two years until we had to sell the house and move.

When I turned 18 I remember getting lots of alcohol for my birthday, it's tradition really. I gave it all away and was given a hard time for making the personal decision not to drink. My partner at the time loved to go out clubbing but I was too scared for him to go. I didn't really realise at the time that I was suffering from depression and anxiety, I thought that I was just a little bit crazy when I would go into a sudden state of panic when he told me he was going to go out clubbing. He wasn't supportive at all, I remember one time he went out and I didn't hear from him till 7am the next morning when I had to go pick him up (we were living together a the time).

It left a little scar because I didn't start drinking until I was 21, as an attempt to forget about the hardship I was going through at the time. I would get home from work at 6pm and be drunk by 7pm just so I would pass out and not have to think about my life at the time. I was living alone with no support system and honestly hoped that the alcohol would get the better of me somehow and keep me asleep indefinitely. 

I now associate drinking with flirting/hooking up/cheating. One side of me understands that's irrational, not everyone goes out to get smashed and hook up with some random but my anxiety still takes over. I'm often too anxious to drink at social events and get paranoid when my very trustworthy partner goes out to have drinks with friends. Well, now I can't really drink away with the medication I'm on. 

I feel like I could talk about this for hours but I'm going to leave it there.

Does anyone have any advice/experienced this in the past? I want to be fine with being around people drinking and not go into a state of panic when my partner goes out to have a couple casual drinks with friends. 

[Neil_1]

Hi Dexter

Thank you for this post, it delves very deep into your thoughts and how you're experiencing (and have experienced) effects bought on by alcohol.

I have no doubt that you're going to get far more posts with better advice than what I can give, but really, Dexter what stands out to me is that I believe that you need to try and get yourself along to your GP - to get some professional advice and guidance for this.  Firstly though, in no way am I wanting to promote the use of alcohol at all for anyone, but I just sense that you've got a lot of emotional baggage that you've gained along your journey that needs to be aired.

As you said, you could have wrote a whole stack more about your issues that you're having.  I honestly think if you can go along and see your GP to start with, and then possibly further professional assistance for you to talk through your feelings and thoughts.

Again Dexter I'm not meaning to have a go at all ... I'm just sensing that if you can talk through some of the issues you've raised, you might be able to accept things a little better.

My kind regards to you Dexter,

Neil

[geoff]

dear Dexter, I would certainly love to listen to you for hours, as it's a topic that really interests me, only because I was a continual drinker while in depression, so I can feel for you.

I sense that there maybe some PTSD occurring with you, because you can remember the street parties and what happened and then associate this back with yourself.

Your feeling of being irrational is by no way any thought of error, because it does happen at parties, functions or even casual drinking, because hormones are always a strong influence and seem to take over, and this has been happening for centuries.

If for some reason you don't want or even like your partner to 'go out clubbing' or to the pub, then there is a feeling of maybe some distrust and there's nothing wrong with this.

I used to hate my ex going to work functions, because she was good looking, and I knew that guys would always try and hook up with her, even if I was there, so my anxiety always kicked in, and I loathed every minute of it.

I can't help you in regards to this, but one thing I could do was when I was abstaining from drinking for several reasons, was to condition myself to be able to accept alcohol being drunk from people who were around me, and also I could walk passed a bottle shop with no desire to purchase some grog.

I would like you to keep posting if this suits you. L Geoff. x

[Closed_Down]

Hey Geoff. Compassionate advice, and I can relate to you in some way.

I'm a newbie to the site, and the attractive wife out partying and loving the attention was a big contributor for me too.

Dexter, Hang in there. Good to be on the site to chat and encourage each other. 🙂