Anxiety and over thinking?

[Amyy_93]

I suffer from bad anxiety, and when I get anxious I tend to over think situations.
I am a negative person and always see the bad in things. I am also a very insecure person, especially about my relationship.
I get anxious about the silliest things, driving, when my boyfriend goes somewhere without me, and lots of other things.
My relationship is suffering because of me, my anxiety kicks in and I worry about things when I have no reason to, for example if he goes to hang out with a mate I always get anxious and then over think and over analyze the situation thinking 'what if hes cheating? what if hes only pretending to love me? what if he doesn't really want to be with me and hasn't left me because he feels sorry for me?' And when I get anxious about these things I always question him and it just causes a fight. He is very supportive and tells me everyday how much he loves me, he is still with me despite all the shit I have put him through. 
Every little thing he does makes me anxious, in fact a lot of things in my life does. I always lash out and start arguments and make things worse, especially when I am tired. I live with my boyfriend and I have no friends where we live so it's hard to escape, I have made him my world, the only thing in my world and have become obsessed, and that bothers me but I can't seem to fix it.
I also suffer depression and have had thoughts about killing myself, never would I actually do it, but I think about it.
I just want to get better, what are the steps I need to take in order to become happier and anxiety free, so I can concentrate on fixing my relationship before it's too late and I ruin it completely.

[maggiejane]

Hey Amyy_93,

Sounds very similar to the way i used to feel a few years back. I had times when I pretty much felt the same way you are feeling. I am married now and have a wonderful husband and still sometimes feel those feelings a bit but not like I used to. I think almost every woman has moments when they feel a bit insecure in their relationship. We are just emotional beings! It sounds like your partner loves you very much and is supportive of you. I personally found that when I concentrate more on doing things for me such as im my case, calling friends, doing a yoga or fitness class, studying and getting out and about more, I did feel better. It can be hard to break that cycle especially when you having irrational thoughts and experience anxiety and depression. Sometimes I think what is the worst that can happen?? And work through my worst fears and realise that you I will be okay no matter what. I know it sounds simple but sometimes just going for a walk in the sun in a place of nature can help you think a bit clearer and be able to see a world outside of the relationship. Your partner wants you to be happy and would support you in your decisions and choices to get there. What you could do is brainstorm some things that  YOU love doing and are important to YOU. I found that meditation, excercise and getting outdoors  definately helped with confidence and quieting the mind a little. And maybe you could call family or friends that you are close to and talk to them.Hang in there. Sounds like you have a loving partner. Just have to realise you are worth loving!! 

[Amyy_93]

Thanks maggiejane, that actually really helps me 🙂 sometimes it just takes kind words from strangers to get that kickstart you need

i think I will focus on fitness and learning more about my passion and career (pastry cheffing) 

thankyou kindly for your wonderful words x

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Amyy,

Over thinking killed the moment.   I replied on your other post but I'm thinking of you.

Adios,David.

[integrityguy]

Hi Amy

Over thinking is something I suffer from every day and I've only recently been achieving some success at getting a handle on it. But it's still an incredible struggle and has lately left me mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. My psychologist tells me to look at it this way ... you get millions of thoughts every day, but they're just like cars on the highway - they come and go, and we should let them come and go.

I'm in a newish relationship (2 months) and my biggest trigger is my girlfriend talks about something which affects us as a couple ... I will then obssess over it when I'm alone until I get so worked up that I become restless, edgy and upset. It's fine for people to say "don't overthink" or "relax", because saying those things and actually doing them are 2 completely different things.

It sounds like you're aware of what your mind is doing, which is a great first step to understanding it better, catching yourself out and managing anxiety. Other things that might be helpful ... as maggiejane says, find things you enjoy doing and fill up your life with them. Also - listen to some relaxing music, take a hot shower, get a massage, watch TV, go for a walk, do a puzzle, start a project around the house, call a friend or a family member, etc. Also, try to avoid spending long periods of time alone with nothing to do, because it gives your thoughts a chance to get the better of you. Sometimes you can let them come and go, sometimes it's best just to distract yourself.

All the best and take care. You're certainly not alone.

[Amyy_93]

Thank you so much intergrityguy! I am overwhelmed at the amount of support on here, I should have come here much earlier, but perhaps I wasn't ready to accept and acknowledge I needed help.

These techniques make it a little easier, I still have a very long way to go. Thank you all so so much for your stories and kind words. Xx

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Amyy,

Maybe over thinking is the quintessential method of most parents.  The only difference would be that the nature of multiple thoughts is more practical and goal centred.  And if you ever get really old this skill of organising seems to be at the fore, even when unasked.

Adios, David.

[Miliana]

Hi Amy,

I recently joined this site because I am also going through anxiety and a small amount of depression. I was in a relationship over 5 years ago that changed me so much that I turned into someone I am not. Unfortunately i brought the same emotions and behaviour into my new relationship that I started last year. I never thought that something from the past could affect me so much 5 years on. 

My previous partner was so insecure and jelous that he wanted to control everything. If i didn't do or say or think what he wanted me to, he would get upset. Without going into too much detail, I ended the relationship after 2 years. I kept thinking he would change but when you cry yourself to bed every night and wake up unhappy you know it's not right. The hard part was getting the strength to leave.

I have had a few short relationships over the last 5 years but I finally met someone that wanted to be me as much as I wanted to be with him. 2 months later it started...

He was very close to a female friend of his and she was jealous that he liked me and was doing annoying things to just but into the relationship and cause trouble. I basically turned into my ex. the tables were turned. I did everything he did, controlled my partner, questioned him, looked through his phone. We argued all the time and all because I was afraid he would leave me for this girl. 

Anyway, it all got too much and I realised that the only person that would push him away from me was ME. I finally found a psychologist that I clicked with and 4 months later I am getting better. I feel like my problems are so petty compared to other people but it doesn't change my brain into just thinking positive, I needed help and I'm glad I got it(thanks to my partner's understanding and suggestion)

I could go on forever here, but i'm only new so I will browse the site. I hope I can become the happy, carefree person I once was. Deepdown I know I can but I just wish it would come asap so I can enjoy life and stop crying and thinking negative thoughts that control me.

[Amyy_93]

Hi Miliana, this is the exact situation I am in, to a T!
I think I might make the step to go and see a psychologist because I don't think I am capable of getting better all by myself.
Thankyou so much for your story, it means a lot to me 🙂 x

[MJC]

Hi All. 

I can see this thread is quite old, but it is my first time on the forum and I related to it more than any others I have read. My relationship is now 18 months in and for the last 16 months of it, my over thinking has caused many issues. It seems that i can manage it for a few weeks, or even sometimes a month of two, but then the slightest thing will set me off and I become an emotional wreck who speaks no sense yet is sure of what I am saying. 

Thankfully my boyfriend is very supportive of this but after the worst of my out bursts on the weekend, I can see the thread is wearing thin. This is something that has affected all my past relationships since I was a teenager and I am turning 30 next week. I have a two year old, a great job, a home of my own and good friends, so I have no questions in my mind that life isn't good - but for some reason I just can't stop fixating on the smallest what ifs. It has got to the point where I struggle to know what thoughts and feelings to believe. Whilst I would not say I am generally depressed, when the anxious over thinking finally builds up to boiling point and I burst, then I am of course left miserable for awhile - which is not something I want my son to grow up dealing with. 

I have done a lot of counselling with a psychologist and it did work to get rid of the horrible depression I had years ago, but as far as the anxiousness goes, it just doesn't seem to work. They even seem a bit unsure of what to say anymore as I know all their text book answers already. So I am hoping coming to this forum and joining a local anxiety group might help me just to find some others who understand what it is like, who I don't have to try and explain myself too. 

What I am wondering, if any of you are still on this site - has there been any changes since these posts last year? Did you find anything that really helped? I have found exercise can play a huge part, and I go good with that for a few weeks but as soon as something unexpected happens in life to change my normal routine, I stop doing it and then I spiral. Also alcohol can be a major trigger for me. I only drink every few months or so but pretty much every time I have it has led to the worst of my break downs, so I have accepted I can not drink at all anymore. 

I really hope you have all progressed to a calmer place and would love to hear more of your experiences. Thanks.