Intrusive thoughts or something else?

[_Kez_]

Hi everyone. Frequent reader but this is my first post 🙂

I have suffered with anxiety and depression on and off since I was a teenager. This got noticeable worse after the birth of my first child when I was diagnosed with PND and have been on ad's since (with a 12 month break to have my 2nd child). All in all, I feel pretty great at the moment. BUT there's 1 thing that's happened since I was 14 (I vividly remember the first night it started) and I'm not even sure how to describe it.

I sometimes have thoughts pop in to my head, out of nowhere. They aren't violent towards people but often can be to do with breaking or throwing things. I remember the first one I was watching tv in the loungeroom and the image I got was me pushing it over on to the floor. I wasn't feeling anxious at that moment but I had started having anxiety attacks about a month before that so you can imagine I was quite traumatised by this. I also seem to react to things other people just find funny or silly - for instance this morning I was reading a joke email about someone curling up in the foetal position and screaming (just to freak people out basically) and that made me feel something really negative. Just sadness I think, almost with a bit of guilt or embarrassment or something? I have the same reaction reading about something wasteful, like in situations where food or something is wasteful as part of a joke? It's a bit hard to explain, but again I have quite a strong emotional reaction.

I've never really looked in to this before and have tried googling but it's a bit hard to get in to good search terms, the best I came up with was intrusive thoughts but they don't quite seem to fit from what I've read (since they aren't always particularly violent).

Has anyone else experienced this and might have a better name or description?

Thanks so much!

[Simmy]

Hi Kez,

I completely 'get' what you mean and how you are feeling. I tend to over react to certain situations and become overly sensitive and almost feel as though I'm the only person that feels and thinks about things in this way? When I'm not overly sensitive I feel like angering back in response to a discussion where I should show more self control. For example, I am a vegetarian and trying to do my bit for non - humans and humans and some people show contempt or disrespect and I want to hold them down and make them aware of their ignorance and lack of knowledge! I think we are compassionate people that have little time for selfishness. This is probably because we have gone to dark places in our head and when we are good we expect others to feel and see the good as well. This is where I see others taking life for granted (or so I think) when its just people going about their life with a different insight.

I was very hormonal when I had both my children and after my second child I was just living in coping mode with little memory, concentration or input into life, for a while anyway. So you need time to adjust and to talk about your feelings. Sometimes you may be thinking this way when you are heading into another depressive episode so be mindful of this and maybe keep a diary of your thoughts incase.

Hope this helps!