I need help please!

[Guest_3712]

Hi  friends,

I haven't posted for a while as like others have mentioned I wasn't sure if coming on here was triggering a lot of my anxiety however,I have been looking everyday and checking in on everyone and sending lots of positive vibes and electronic hugs.

I guess it's a bit rich to come on here now and ask for help when I haven't contributed in a long time- I have had a fairly major setback over the last few weeks and I am struggling to keep my head above water.

My psych has seen me twice in 2 weeks and we have also spoke on the phone. I have been keeping a diary of my alcohol consumption ( as he was concerned about the increase) and I also added what I thought were my triggers.

The main theme was my reaction to events I have no control over- most common was news re any suicides and/ or child abuse. I guess it became obvious to me that I was taking on these events as if they were happening to me or someone close to me. 

How can I change my behaviour for these people from manic and self destructive to the genuine compassion I feel and then move on. I know there are many chapters of my life that have not been closed properly, and chances are never will be but I cannot continue taking on the raw grief of the world's victims- it's eating me up inside.

Does anyone else do this? I really need some help .

Stressless

[beingbyrne]

Oh..Stressless…you should never feel obligated to contribute on this forum, it's about sharing your thoughts and emotions as long as it feels comfortable for you. The idea is to feel connected with others by opening up about our problems and to be able to do this without any sort of commitment. And when it becomes overwhelming ( as it happens all the time to a lot of people) we just simply stay away for a while, as we should. So welcome back and it's nice to hear form you again.

[Kyles]

Hi Stressless. I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes it is hard to simply 'empathise' or 'sympathise' and not want to get right in there and fight the battles yourself. Same with listening to music, and letting it get to you, as if it somehow describes your life. 

Ultimately, you have to learn to let go. Because you can't take on the problems of the whole world. You can't be responsible for everyone. The only thing you can control is your own actions. So you just have to be the best person you can be. You know the old saying - serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to tell the difference?

It's a really big, bad, ugly world out there, and you simply can't make it better all by yourself. So just be the best person you can. Set an example if you like. But you have to distance yourself a bit.

Hope this helps a bit.

[beingbyrne]

Very well said Kyles and thank you for reminding me of that old saying. Good on you……mrs byrne

[White_Rose]

Hello Stressless

I really empathise with you.  I cannot watch the news for the same reasons that you get upset.  If I watch a TV program that involves cruelty in any form or suicide I fall apart big time.  Consequently I watch very little TV these days and I am selective.  Even when I know the event is fiction I get upset and I tell myself how stupid can I get.

I don't know how to cure or mend this.  I manage by avoiding these situations as much as possible although this does not not always work.  As I get better I find I can tolerate these things much better, but when I am having a bad time it all comes back.  All I can say is that it is two steps forward and one step back.  But at least I am going forward. (I hope).

Just lately I have been having a bad time so all the old habits have come back.  It is so frustrating and I want to give up.  But then I somehow find the energy and strength to start again.  We all know how hard that is and sometimes it seems as I am the only person in the world who feels like this.  Please don't be offended everyone, I know I am not alone.

Sorry I do not have anything more positive to say.  For me it's a matter of getting up again and again even when I want to just sleep forever.  Keep trying Stressless.  I'm sure you will find a way.

White Rose.

[Jo3]

Hey Stressless,

I'm glad you are back here.

What Kyles and Mrs Byrne wrote to you is so true.  

Just want to say that I am thinking of you, pls take care, great you're back on here and don't worry that you haven't been on here or replied to our posts.

Jo xx

[Guest_3712]

Hi  Kyles,

Thanks for your post. Yes I know that saying, in hospital we called it the Serenity Prayer- I actually have a framed copy of it in my kitchen. I should read it more often I guess.

I  just find it hard to separate myself from this events, particularly the suicides. After high profile people suicide there is so much crap spoken about what they should have done, said etc that it just really gets to me. And of course for every celeb that dies, there is a lot of ordinary everyday folk we never hear about.

I wrote a post after Charlotte Dawson died recently. It is so hard to avoid the news as everyone has an opinion, but these people have no idea usually as they haven't experienced that level of despair themselves.

I'm not sure if this makes sense or not.

Thanks beingbyrne for your support

Be kind to yourselves

Stressless

[Light9]

Hi SL, you sound just like me, I have always drunk too much and I am very sensitive to these things also.  First, I had to hit rock bottom to quit the booze.  Now I have I don't even miss it.  No hang overs, never tired and I'm strengthening my soul without a band aid to hide from anxiety..ie getting stronger the right way.  I have days where I feel very vulnerable but I know that booze will make me feel terrible.  I HATE hangovers now, hate them!  I found staying away from the news helped and playing nice upbeat music helped also.  If you eat well and exercise, the discipline becomes FUN, the more disciplined you are the better you feel.  I have a long way to go on this one, every day is different but I'm trying.  Hope this helps and never feel bad when you are trying so hard... 🙂

[Neil_1]

Hi Stressless

The fact that you’re back here isn’t good because you’re doing it tough – but I do have to say “It’s good to hear from you”.  I just wish it could be under better circumstances. I’ve really enjoyed the responses you’ve received and Light9 in particular gave some excellent coping strategies.

Myself, I keep a daily diary of what happens to me (or my kids/partner) each day – and sometimes for how I’m feeling, etc.  But I can’t say that I’d ever keep a diary for alcohol consumption – to me that would really bring me down.  But hey, each to their own.  Do you feel better for keeping that diary and do you think you’ve identified the triggers??

My partner tells me that it’s great that I post here but to also be careful – in that, there are many times when I’ve really felt massive concern for so many others on here.  And not only here but like you Stressless, when you hear or read of things in the media about just ‘everyday people’ and it can be really hard not to be affected and get swept away emotionally.  The only advice I can offer with this is that I believe it’s ok to feel emotion for the tragic news or events that you can hear or read about – BUT having been distraught and cried (this is from my own perspective) I have to compartmentalise the grief and feeling I had and try to push it into the background.  I think for me when I hear of certain deaths I always relate straight back to either my brother or my dad and neither are very far from my mind – and I think this is what sets me off so much.

Stressless I think it’s great that you’ve been able to come back and post about your latest down time and I hope that by doing that it has in some way helped you and hopefully a little bit more with some of the responses you’ve received.

And as Mrs Byrne quite rightly said, it’s not whether you’ve been away for any length of time or not – because the door here is always open and the mat out the front always says “Welcome” – so if people wish to stay away for a while and not post, that is 100% their right and choice – and if others are reading this and are thinking, “gee I’d like to post back here again, but I haven’t been on here for a while”;  please never think that.  Everyone is always welcome here and it’s awesome that you’ve felt that you could comeback Stressless.  And you’re under no pressure or reason to post again to us – all I hope is that we’ve provided some responses that have gelled with you or even just by you posting that it was some kind of relief for you.

Please take GOOD care of yourself

Neil

[Neil_1]

Dear all,

I have a variation on this: 

Serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and strength to choke the living crap out of those idiots who annoy me!

End of serenity prayer!

Neil