Anxiety and obsessive thoughts

[Romy]

Hi all, 

I’ve had GAD since I was in high school (I am now nearly 25 years old). I have taken an antidepressant since I was about 17 which has helped me immensely. Occasionally I have had to go up and down on the dose but for the most part my anxiety has been very well controlled until this year where it has flared up big time. I found myself with lots of change coming up this year, I am building my very first home which is expected to be finished by the end of the year, I had also signed up to do chemotherapy training (I am a RN) at work and I am a bridesmaid for my best friends wedding at the end of the year. One day I suddenly became extremely overwhelmed with all this change coming up and started to think I wouldn’t be able to handle it as I’ve had a few little anxiety flare ups this year already (which I have gotten through). 5 days ago I increased my dose of antidepressant with my GP, the highest dose I’ve ever been on. I also have a set plan with my psychologist and am trying CBT. For some reason I have put this idea in my head that the reason for my anxiety is because I hate my job. When my anxiety is bad I find work really hard, because let’s face it, most things are hard when you have anxiety. I definitely don’t hate my job, I love the people I work with and they’re all extremely supportive. The ward I work on can be really busy and heavy at times but I’ve worked here for 4 years now and haven’t felt anxiety like this since my very first year as a nurse. My anxiety keeps telling me that I hate my job and my anxiety will never get better because I am miserable at work. I don’t know what to believe, we all know how convincing anxiety can be. Do you think I really don’t like my work? 4 months ago I was so content with my life and I was doing the exact same things. I think I’m just overwhelmed with these life changes coming up and it has spiralled out of control, and anxiety keeps telling me that my job is the problem when it’s not. I hope it’s just taking time for my body to adjust to my increased meds as it is only day 5. 

[therising]

Hi Romy

Sounds like you're set to achieve a lot this year, doing it all while perhaps working the same amount of hours. Do you feel it's not necessarily how you feel about the job but more so feel about the hours. Not sure whether it's about cutting a few hours back, for more time to manage what can feel stressful, or perhaps something else. What do you think?

I've found there can be a number of factors in play all at once when it comes to depression and anxiety. While I've managed long term depression from late teens through to 35 and bouts of it since then up to now 52, last year was the 1st time I'd faced anxiety. I just couldn't figure out why anxiety had become a thing in my life until some people close to me pointed out just how much I was trying to manage while working part time. So, it became not just about a developing amount of somewhat stressful time consuming challenges, it was also about trying to manage it all while experiencing a degree of exhaustion. Add exhaustion into any mix and it definitely becomes a game changer. It was my daughter who led me to research the 3rd stage of general adaptation syndrome (GAS). There I was, ticking every box while gaining a clear understanding of the 1st and 2nd stages in the lead up. I've actually taken this year off work to be able to manage all these challenges while not putting my nervous system through the wringer.

I should add, I'm a major feeler too. I'll feel just about everything, which can also be somewhat exhausting. I'll feel the impact of words, other people's feelings, the sensation of feeling completely lost without a sense of direction, a depressing lack of energy, over thinking, my nervous system in a state of hyperactivity etc. I've found that developing skills in emotional detachment is a must. Can make a difference, completely switching off from feeling what's intense and switching onto stuff like what it feels like to stretch tension out of the muscles, venting through long breaths out (controlled breathing), the kind of calm environment and music I can really sense and so much more. I've never been forced to develop such skills until this year.

Sometimes I find my lack of skills and strategies is my biggest issue when facing what can naturally be somewhat depressing and anxiety inducing. It's definitely mind altering hard work at times, trying to figure out exactly what skill or strategy I need to develop. I've reached the conclusion such work is a lifelong thing, for we are always facing new challenges. It's the challenges that change us, holding the potential to evolve us into who we're going to be.

If we're highly sensitive people (with the ability to sense so much so easily), such an ability needs to be strategically managed. I smile when I say imagine Superman not being able to switch off his ability to hear conversations from miles away or a fly on the wall or the humming from the refrigerator. It would be like a form of torture, not to be able to switch off one of his greatest abilities.