Anxiety has been with me for a long time. At least around the start of high school with bullying, expectations, the future, grades, peer pressure, etc. I over analyse, overthink, to a ridiculous degree.
After much chaos and setback particularly in the last 10 mths and time spent with a new psychologist for 2 mths, I have come to learn a bit about myself with overthinking and acknowledging it more loudly. The boiling point happened in the recent session where I became teary thinking about how much it rules my life. When asked what I was thinking, I responded that is it just SO EXHAUSTING.
It is a part of me that I do NOT want and have not managed to control and recently it is something I am confronting, questioning, analysing (!) by myself and with my counsel support. I LOATHE it, even (As goes the perpetual cycle) wondering if it has anything to do with driving people away or them recognising that quality in me and wanting to flee. Undetermined.
My mind is not always at high levels of fear though that occurs from time to time. There is some degree of me going "What if this? What if that?" about numerous things, actions I consider taking. I do seem to prefer some order, structure and logistics though I have always wished to be more carefree like some others.
My mind is frequently restless, on overdrive, going back over the same problems and scenarios (Recent breakups would be the main field above all) from things that have occurred even a long time ago, trying to get unanswered questions resolved and solve problems, going round in circles. It is SO tiring, playing my life over and over again ad infinity. It kind of makes it difficult too because I am a writer and I am creative with film, drawing and design. I'm a storyteller and a visual person...so my skills/talents can actually open up to serve me in a negative way. ^&*$!
I have recently been told to focus on mindfullness, the present moment. I am wondering however about the experiences of others who have a mind that just won't slow down, that won't stop obsessing, rehashing, planning, analysing and all of those other appropriate words. And are there examples of people who have controlled or "beaten" this aspect of themselves that I can read about? Would love to see what is out there. Thanks.
