Admitting I have anxiety is depressing

[Kandipants]

This is the second time I have tried to write this, as my husband came into the room the first time and I quickly shut down the page as I felt embarrassed to admit there's a problem. I know in myself that I experience anxiety all the time with constant fear of failure, worry of embarrassment for no good reason. But am finding it hard to admit because it again feels like I can't even get it right! Seriously! I feel as if I tell people that I have trouble controlling my own head, nobody would take anything I say or do seriously. Even now, as I write, I worry that I am not making sense and that I am putting myself out the to be judged.

 i feel crazy sometimes, in that I know I have an anxiety problem but don't want to address it for fear of... Outcome. 

I have feelings of fear and worthlessness at the idea of having anxiety, I think maybe because of societies views on mental illness, I don't want to be seen as 'mentally ill' . The idea of depression is depressing!

how do other people go, first in admitting to yourself that there is a problem, but then to others? I know I should see my gp, but I don't even know what to say to him about it, then if I do go, then I have to tell my husband why, it feels easier just to keep pretending I'm not affected. Does anyone else have these crazy confused ideologies too?

[Pixie15]

Hi Kandipants, You have answered you own question. You can go and see your GP. If your unsure about saying the right thing just jot down the ideas from your post and take that with you. If for some reason you do not want to tell your husband before you go, just don't tell him. Find an odd freckle or something and tell him your worried about that or say you've been feeling tired and need to get your iron levels checked. It probably is not a good idea to try and diagnose yourself. Love yourself and don't be afraid to get the care you need. Best wishes, Chris.

[bdihealth]

Hi Kandipants.  The fact that you have written your post demonstrates you have insight into your issue.  I've gone through where you are and come out the other side.  I can't tell you what to do.  I can tell you that I tried to pretend everything was "normal".  Eventually everything caught up to me and I was hit by the "perfect storm" and suffered a severe depressive episode. In my case secrecy fueled the demons and made things worse. 

If there is a piece of advice I can offer it is to learn to judge yourself by how you cope with adversity.  

If you get a chance you can watch a short video on my story.  Go to www.mantherapy.org.au and click on "Tales of Triumph".  I am the "David" 

[geoff]

dear Kandipants, wouldn't it be more embarrassing by closing down the page, and your husband saying 'what have been looking at'.

By feeling the way you do now is nothing to be ashamed of, it's not that we have  leprosy, we have an illness that millions and millions of people have, we can't help it, we didn't ask for it and we never wanted it, but unfortunately we do.

And as Chris has said you have answered your own question.

When you go and see your doctor and any excuse can be made, if need be, but your doctor will pick up straight away that you are depressed, a lot of their patients have depression, they know the signs, and they will ask you a question and when you answer them then bingo, they will know.

They don't have to be highly trained heart surgeons, they can tell by looking at your face, and all you have to do is say 'yes I am having trouble coping', that's all, then he/she will take over the conversion, but be truthful with them, they are there to help you, and eventually you will be able to speak to your husband, at your time.

Once we have had depression for such a long time even we can pick up if someone is depressed and by the way they talk, it's simply a well trained skill that is learnt from our own depression. Please do yourself a favour and go and see them. L Geoff. x