Young, unemployed and feeling useless

[Blackbird89]

First of all I'll give you a brief history...

I am a 24 year old female from Brisbane. I have suffered with depression since I was a young teenager. It comes in bouts, and I can have periods of happiness, but it ALWAYS returns. I have been on antidepressants for 7 years. I have been to a psychologist many times before.

I have been to university and graduated from a degree in 2011. While I was at uni I had an internship which provided me with income while I studied, and afterward I joined the graduate program with the same employer. However, joining the graduate program meant I had to move to Canberra. I hated Canberra with a passion. I became depressed and lonely, and didn't make any close friends there. I found it hard to get out of bed and spent days at a time not leaving the house. After the graduate program ended, I decided I had to move back to Brisbane to be near my friends and family. I got a job with a small company, but it was a sales role and it caused me great anxiety and made me suicidal. So I quit that job, and now I am unemployed.

It's been 3 months since I quit and I've applied for a number of jobs, but have had not so much as a rejection email. I don't know what I am doing wrong. I find my self esteem dropping to a ridiculous level. All the job advertisements say they want someone super amazing with X years experience in that exact industry, and I feel like I can't even apply. Even the simplest jobs want someone bloody fantastic - someone who is passionate and motivated to be in that role... Even if it's a dish pig job or cleaning bloody toilets.

I'm getting sick of it, and I'm losing faith about the future. I can't see myself ever owning a house. My parents can't look after me. They have just retired and they don't have lots of money. I hate being a burden on them - I have had to move back home. I feel incredibly guilty about eating their food and living in their home, when I am an adult who should be able to support herself. I want to pay them back when I do eventually find employment again. I am so grateful for their help recently.

Anyway, I am just writing this to get my thoughts out. Part of me thinks it will be ok in the end, but the other part thinks this could become a pattern - one of ups and downs and eventual unhappiness.

[Chris_B]

Hi Blackbird89,

Life is a pattern of ups and downs 🙂 ... but that's getting ahead of ourselves.

When we get really overwhelmed by depression and anxiety, all we can see are a million problems and our brains are telling us that everything must not only be fixed *at once*, but it must be fixed *now*.

The career situation: why not take this time to figure out what you really would like to do?  Ending up in a job that you don't like just for the sake of it will eventually make you unhappy again.  

I am sure your parents know how grateful you are, and know you are not taking their love for granted.  I'm sure there's things you can do for them around the house, errands etc that can help out.  I lived at home until I was 22, and I know people in their 30s who are still living with their parents.  

Try not to be too intimidated by job ads.  They are written in "sales" language, and in my experience - especially going into job applications with the same feeling of inadequacy - it never turns out to be as daunting as it sounds.  It comes back to having confidence in your own abilities and strengths.

If you're not getting replies back from your applications, your CV may need looking at.  It's all about layout, and catching their attention: http://career-advice.careerone.com.au/resume-cover-letter/resume-writing/resume-writing-the-basics/a...

But I can't stress enough that before diving into applications, have a good, long think about what you would like to do.  Try to focus on what you can do, not what your mind is telling you that you can't do.

Another thing to consider: do you feel ready?  3 months ago, you were so anxious that you felt suicidal and had to take a break from work.  That's only 12 weeks.  Perhaps you need more time to get your strength back.  Could part time work or volunteering be a temporary option?

Anyone else have some advice for Blackbird89?

best
CB

__________________________________________________________________
Online Community Manager

[The_Real_David_Charles]

Dear Blackbird,

My wife's brothers stayed at home till they married AT FORTY YEARS OLD !!!  That's almost twice the age you are so don't worry about it.  The Depressive thing is to make things worse so tagging in their (1) retirement and (2) not much money is just one way of knocking your situation a bit more.  But, really, when you are a parent yourself you'll understand.  It's called unconditional love.   They'll be more upset when you move out (trust me).

The only thing I would add to Christopher's comprehensive post is that sometimes you need to pay an extra $100 to get a vocational assessment - so that you do a day of tests or role playing (maybe at a uni campus) and sift through all your skills to find the one or two things you'd love, be good at and can maybe train for a bit more.  It's not an easy process but worthwhile.  A bit like organising the Olympic Games (with a tonne of admin) but resulting in 14 days of joyous sporting.  That's if the Aussie Swim Team aren't on Stillnox.

As a pro musician over the years (I'm 50 and derelict now) I had to fill in with all sorts of jobs - courier, funeral assistant, computer data crap, jewellery shop asst, newspaper rounds, security, dressing up as a clown or gorilla and finding some godforsaken place behind Epping RSL where someone was having their 25th birthday and singing a telegram,    telemarketing, delivering PR material (actually I met my wife doing that so can't complain gov'ner) and so on.    But the best one was when I applied to wash cars and do the detail and got rejected.  I mean, if a bloke can't get a job cleaning cars..............I totally understand your situation.

I was concerned with your phrase "I'm getting sick of it".   This is because for most of the work force things can be a bit dull, a bit repetitive, a bit of a non entity, a bit so-so..........and even the glorious option of full time work has people (paid thousands of dollars) saying the same thing - "I'm getting sick of it".   It's best to treat the job searching as a long term thing as even when you have a job the grass seems to always be greener.  I actually met a shepherd the other month who had come to Sydney to be an IT person.  It's all connected.

Do some housework, mow the lawn, wash up, etc, to negate your guilty living conditions.  Give your folks the remote on the weekend.   But they'll love you whether you are CEO of the Commonwealth Bank or just filling at the Petrol Station while Shurl is on her annual holiday.  I hope you make a go of life eventually.

Adios, David.

PS  Any other Online Community Managers want to chip in ?   Lol.   I just ate my fisn 'n' chips so could only chip in the BBQ sauce.  Ha !

[Mr44]

Dear Blackbird 89.

Oh I so hear you and know precisely what you are going through and feeling.

As mr username suggest I am a 44 y/o male who has degrees, ,Qualifactions, certificates, Experiance both life and work & Education coming out of my you know where.

After 20 years solid work history and the last job for 16 years I have now been unemployed for the last two years I have applied for over 400 jobs doing just about any thing you can think of I have a Linkedin and professional c.v. that is at the top of the top but I just can't get a foot in any where and now have been "unemployed" for to long despite that fact that I have kept up my professional developement and have stayed current.

Unfortunately the money has run out my marriage is breaking down at a rapid rate the bills are mounting up and the only thing keeping the bank from walking in is that my wife has a high paying exteremly professional corporate management position.

Unfortunetly

because I have not "worked" in her "industry" her employer will not even give me the time of day despite the fact that there are several roles in her "industry" that I have vast experiance in and could do standing on my head blind folded.

All my life I have taken my wife every where I have gone, Involved her in every thing that I have done and have shared every minute of my life with her both the good and the bad gee at one stage I decsriber her as my soul mate and rock we have been married 23 years and have 2 children but what has happenec in the past now is not a 2 way road she continues to go forward and enjoy success and i continue to be unemploted and pulling the family unit dow  to the pointwhere now the situation has worsened over the last 12 to 18 months we have become a lot more distant it is having a deverstating effect on our young teenage daughter and I am in a situation where clearly there is nothing left I'm a stranger in my own house we don't talk when I do try to talk about how I'm feeling the cinversation is shut down with " welk thats not my fault " I have seen councilors and phycs as well as my GP but none of that has helped.

12 months ago I manage to convince my wife to come to "family"  counciling but that only lastered till the councilor started to tell her what she was doing wrong and needed to change to help me and that was the end of that.

I have no family of my own as such and since I have been unemployed for the last 2 years her family want sfa to do with me.

I have been offered very short term work a few days here and a few days there but it is many hundreds of km's from our home and by the time I have druven there accomdated my self eaten and druven home the trip has cost us money if that makes senes its cheaper to stay home.

I am so alone and so abandoned I have no one to turn to for help no one cares every one that I have turned to have just said " Gee sorry to hear of your position but we can't help" 

All I've got left in my world keeping me here "at the moment" is my daughter but even thats becoming hard this xmas coming we are not going to be able to afford to go any where which will just add to the stress level. Assuming I / we even make it that far.

I am constantly reminded "well if you had a job and were contributing things would be different "

The feed back from  career councilors and recruiters alike is " Well sorry you are just to old to qualufied and have been unemployed for to long "

I've got over 300 connection on  Linkedin but that to has been a total waste of time between that and networking the excuses between the economy and the feed back excuses is all I ever hear.

I'm now at the end of the road facing a dead end with no where to turn.

I just never saw my life ending this way at 44 depressed, broken down, washedup & finished its a very sad world that we live in and not one that I am enjoying.

[Ronno]

Hi Mr44

I want you to know that I am in exactly the same situation that you have so eloquently described, minus the wife and children part.

I have also been unemployed for 2 years after a 27 year career with our National Broadcaster.  I am currently studying for a degree in Social Sciences but I have to admit I am really only doing this to pass the time of day.

Like you I have applied for some 150 positions all of which I am more than qualified for and could do better than some of the people that eventually get engaged.  I put this down to assumptions made by prospective employers, 1. I am older than the interviewer in some cases and therefore offer a threat of some sort to them or their position.  2. I am over qualified and as such would probably be demanding a salary they are not prepared to pay, which I might add is laughable as I am not the type to let money determine whether I accept a position offered or not.  3. It would be better to employ a more malleable junior at reduced costs.

I have found myself thinking exactly the same -: "I am so alone and so abandoned I have no one to turn to for help no one cares every one that I have turned to have just said " Gee sorry to hear of your position but we can't help" 

I never in a million years ever thought I would experience that "thrown on the scrap heap", "Useless", and abandoned feeling I now feel.  I am 54 years of age and just feel modern society is geared toward the young and new consumers.

I imagine people at our age for example are considered over the hill but the irony of that is, those that are currently in their teens will also reach our age at some stage and what sort of future is society preparing for them when they get there.

On a personal note I think society's leaders need to take a look at exactly where this will all end up and what it means for the future communities.

I cannot see it getting any better until society accepts that we all have something to contribute no matter our age.  I am also at a dead end. feeling washed up and of no use in a world I don't particularly feel like belonging to.

[Mr44]

Dear Ronno.

Mate thanks for your supportive post thank god I'm not totally in the boat by my self whilst I didn't go into absolute detail regarding my attempts at getting employement you are right on the money with what you have said back when the other mob were in gov't & I was banging my head against a brick wall coming up against all the same barriers that you & I know many others our age are coming up against.

I wrote to our local member Jenny Mcklin she wrote back & couldn't give a stuff I wrote to Kate fisher the then minister for Employement same thing I even wrote to the minister for work place discrimination & forwarded some of the written replies clearly showing that I had not being considered because I was " to old " but again nothing I joined a recruitement service that was meant to be for older workers ( adage ) yeah right In name only.

I'm not sure where you are,  I'm in Melb I have thought of going to a mens shed but in a past life when I was employed I worked for ( was sirconded ) by the Victorian & federal government ( that's a whole another story ) and worked under and with all be I amashamed to admit it ( Bill shorten ) as a senior Bush Fire Case Manager Team Leader & so I had a bit to do with mens shed & refering people there but on the whole they were full of very elderly pensioners so at 44 I'm not syre that's going to do any thing for me.

So where to from here well I have absolutley no idea there's nothing worth turning back for but there's no way forward either as I said previously the ONLY thing keeping me alive at the moment is my 20 y/o son & my 14 y/o daughter but during the day when I am left in the house by my self and things totally get on top of me all that goes out the door.

I have started hitting the booze pretty hard to try and control the pain of being so alone I now it is not the answer but until some one can come up with a better answer that is the best answer that there is.

Why isn't any one listening why doesn't any one care the blody Victorian State Gov't bangs on about saving lives with regards to the road toll ( which is just revenue raising by another name ) and every time there is a suicide story on tv or on the news they wheel out the life line crap But when is someone goung to actually get off thier arse show some initiative and pro actively do something.

If I had of just come out if jail I would have more rights & be entitled to more help than what I am able to access now ( which is none ) where's my rights to work, to have a job, to earn money and help provide for my family and give me some meaning in life.

Councilors say that they care & that they are interested in helping you & that they have your welfare at heart,  no they don't the moment the money dries up you cease to mean any thing.

Thanks & please stay in touch

Mr44 😞