Why do I hate my friends?

[Hange]

Hello, in the past year or so I have been struggling with some hatred issues I have. Whenever someone slightly annoys me I get really mad to the point where I ignore them for an entire day. It's been happening with everyone, my parents, my friends. I don't want to feel like this. I really can't remember what it's like to be able to actually have fun making fun of myself with my friends without feeling that overwhelming hatred. 

I have fights with my mum almost everyday. I don't want to fight but I can't seem to keep my mouth shut because I just can't let someone like her get the last word. I hate my mum, I feel so bad for it too because she has never done anything wrong. I just started hating her and I don't know why.

No one has done anything wrong to me. The worst part is that I know if I keep this up then they'll all leave me. I'm terrified of them leaving me, I really can't live without my friends or parents and them leaving me is my biggest fear. But I treat them so badly and I don't know what to do. 

[Petal22]

Hi Hange,

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

I understand that sometimes our emotions can feel confusing to us.

Can I just suggest something you could try over time and see how you go?

When you feel as though someone is starting to annoy you instead of reacting in the way you currently do try to make a “ choice “ in the moment in how you “ want “ to react.

You see we all have a choice in life we can choose how we want to react or we can just allow ourselves to stay unconscious to the fact that we can decide and not just unconsciously do what we normally do.

You really can over ride what you would normally do …….  It’s your choice 

“ We can’t always control what other people do but what we can control is our reaction to it”.

” This is where our power is”…..

It takes practice but it’s practice well spent. 😊

Please come back to us when you are ready.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Hange,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for posting here tonight, Hange. It took a lot of personal insight for you to write this post, and we want to let you know that it's not easy to speak up when we know we're not acting in our own (or our loved one's) best interests, or to recognize it's sometimes us (without blaming others all the time), and to want to make some positive changes for the better is very impressive, so we really wanted to acknowledge that for you.

Feelings of rage as a teenager is not totally uncommon, and can be very overwhelming and scary at times. It can come on suddenly, our moods can change like a light switch, and we can feel very confused about our emotions. it's a really difficult time. We're assuming because you say this has only come on in the last year or so, that hormones may have a part to play in this, however it would only be after a chance to really get to talk with you and see what's been going on for you in all the other areas of your life as well that we can hope to help out a bit more specifically.
 
Please see continued response from Sophie M in 2nd post, thank you.

[Sophie_M]

What we can do however, is suggest that you learn some healthy coping strategies like these you can find here, reach out to your GP, school counsellor or another trusted adult and have a talk about what's been going on for you. It's not good to go it alone, it tends to build and get worse, and getting support is the most important thing to do here (for you, your family and your friends as well).

Please consider reaching out to us via phone 1300 22 4636 or web chat (24/7) to talk through some of these emotions whenever they get the best of you. Make sure you're trying to get at least 7-8 hours of sleep a night, try to eat on a regular basis, and as healthily as possible and don't rule out the benefits of regular exercise to help lift your mood, use up some of your extra anger and emotions and allow yourself some time out away from everyone as well now and then.

There are a lot more strategies, this is just a quick intro, and the community will likely have more and better, but please be kind to yourself and understand that you're going through a difficult period and that reaching out for help is a good thing!

Kind regards, 

Sophie M

[Bob_22]

Hi Hange,

Welcome to the forums. Thank you for coming here to reach out for help. As Sophie M mentioned, you have shown great maturity and insight in coming here which is a great protective factor against mental health issues.

Sorry that you have been having issues with anger/hatred in your relationships lately. During ages 12 - 25, our body and mind go through a lot of emotional, chemical and physical changes and as a result the nature of our relationships can change also. Sometimes, as Sophie M, mentioned it can be helpful to get a little outside help from a school counsellor, GP, or psychologist (you can access by asking your GP or going to headspace) or you can have a chat with some of the counsellors (over phone 1800 55 1800 or webchat) at kids helpline who can offer advice on health relationships as well: https://kidshelpline.com.au/young-adults/issues/respect-relationships . These professionals can help unpack any specific conflicts you're having and also why you might be having them.

In my experience growing up, I sometimes struggled with relationships as I couldn't identify how my thoughts and feelings were connected. Looking back it would have been helpful to have some information on "Thought Monitoring" which is a technique used in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) that is learned through a mental health professional. I found it helps identify situations that are upsetting me and also why it is upsetting and my feelings attached to these reasons. It can also help identify any thinking errors we might have (such as catastrophising) that could be feeding our feelings. It might be worth having a chat with a professional if you're interested. 

Hope the forums here can help you also. There are a lot of great experiences shared here by young people who might have had similar issues. Also always remember that you can chat to our BB counsellors 24/7 through phone or webchat. 💙

Bob