Where to go now?

[Andrew_P]

I don't know where to start...

The last few years have been riddled with mistakes and heart ache for me. But the last month has been absolute chaos.
I was living in Sydney with my girlfriend, and things were good, however;

• I do weird shit behind her back, not to cheat, but just to talk to other girls, I get some kind of satisfaction from it. Its shit. I know.
• We probably fight too much.
• I have anger issues and can't control myself or calm down once I'm angry.
• I have adult separation anxiety and have had trouble cutting ties completely with my previous ex girlfriend.
• I have alot of debt and was working in a pretty low paying job, so my girlfriend would basically have to pay for all food etc.

So things were good for a few months, until I got a call from a previous employer offering me more money, but the job was in Canberra.
After taking a few days to think it over I decided it would be good to make the money, pay out my loans, and then move back to Sydney.

It kind of worked at first, I guess it put a spark back in our relationship at first only getting to see each other on the weekends, but that quickly changed, I got a call from Carlie saying that she couldnt do it anymore and that she wanted to beak up. This is where everything falls apart.

Almost every single day since that call I have been an anxious wreck. I feel like my life started to completely fall apart at that point.
Trying to balance work with this weighing over me has been so difficult. I've been driving to a from sydney every couple of days for the last 3 weeks trying to sort things out. Everytime I feel like I make a bit of progress something holds me back.
I started putting a plan in motion, I was going to see a psychologist once a week, go to meditation classes, and Carlie and I were going to figure this out and get back together.
But last night, after Anzac day 2 up, I made the poor decision to drive home to canberra from wollongong. My reasoning was that I hadn't had a beer in about 5 hours, I felt pretty good, I thought I was okay. But I wasn't. I stuffed up and I looked down at my phone for a second and when I looked back up I was headed straight for the railing. I wrote off the company car I was driving and I got charged with Mid range drunk driving.
Work wasn't happy, but they've decided not to sack me, but I don't really want the job anyway. The thought of being back in Canberra makes me feel physically sick. I can't go back there. I can't do it.
 

[Doolhof]

Hi Andrew,

Thanks for sharing your story with us all, and welcome to the community at Beyond Blue. It does sound like you have quite a few issues happening right now.

Right now, I think you need to take a step back and try to settle a little if possible so you can consider everything rationally. Not easy to do, I realise that. Continuing on with the psychologist would be very beneficial. You can also use the phone help line here at Beyond Blue to chat with someone outside of those appointments. The number is 1300 22 4636.

Your reasoning to travel to Canberra for a higher paid job was a good idea, clearing your debts and getting money behind you is very beneficial.

Your employer obviously thinks you are worth keeping on after the accident, having a higher paid job is helpful;. Just having any job these days is a bonus.

Maybe your relationship with Carlie may have ended regardless if you had been to Canberra or not. You will never know that.

It may help to just take a break right now. Keep in touch with Carlie, keep it simple, ask how she is and don't put any pressure on her to return to the relationship. She may feel smothered or overwhelmed if you push her too much.

I am no expert at all, just a thought.

Try not to make any rash decisions right now. Give yourself time to calm down and think these issues through.

Hope some of this helps!

From Mrs. Dools

[Doolhof]

Here are some words I came across recently that I would like to share with you:

Life is a journey

Of sweetness and sorrow

Of yesterday's memories

And hopes for tomorrow.

Of pathways we choose

And detours we face

With patience and humour

Courage and grace.

Of joys that we've shared

And of people we've met

Who have touched us in ways

We will never forget.

[mixtape]

Andrew,

Try and be vocal about your emotions with people who do become or are apart of your life. However, when you do so, you need to comprehend how the other person is going to feel as well.

Things seem so hard right now for you, I wish i could fix all your problems. But things aren't going to change, but things can be controlled. Good on you for taking that extra step by seeing a psychologist and going to meditation classes.. but if you're still feeling like this for a few months after seeing your psych, and not feeling any improvement whatsoever, try another psychologist. For some people, it takes years to find the right one, and when they do, it makes working through your issues so much easier.

From what I'm gathering, I feel like you're also really stressed?

I don't suggest this a lot, but Im going to suggest this to you. Talk to the stars, yeah really. I personally am very short fused and am struggle with talking about how i feel, what's happening etc. I was crying uncontrollably one night with anger, and i just crashed myself to the pavement outside, and talked to the stars. Sounds stupid, maybe crazy, but its satisfying. They don't say anything to aggravate you, and its almost like the whole sky is yours.

I told this to some young people in a group therapy, and some of them tried it out, and have been doing it since. You need some tranquility in your life, give it a go 🙂

You're going to be okay.

[geoff]

hi Andrew, sorry I have been late in replying, and I know that you will understand, I hope so.
Just because you have a g/friend doesn't mean that you can't talk to other girls, it's not weird nor is it cheating unless something comes out of it, but your intention is just to feel as though they like you, and vice-versa.
If you have had a previous g/friend for a long time and she was the one that decided to break it off, then your feeling for her will take a long time to be able to overcome.
My ex and I were married for 25 years and been divorced for over 10 years, but I still have a feeling for her, but know that we could never live together again.
Being 'head-hunted'certainly boosts your self esteem, but there comes a catch if you have to stay away all week and return on the week ends, because what happens is that one of you gets lonely and could start to think of the 'is he' which then becomes too much to handle, so in the end the money is good, but not for the relationship, and this situation can happen frequently and cause many break ups.
I am pleased that nothing serious happened in the car accident, a car can be replaced or fixed, but a person can never be replaced, but what Carlie may need as Mrs. Dools has said is time to think about her situation, and if she loves you and wants to help you out so that eventually the both of you can be together, then she will contact you.
I know it's very difficult to cope with this, and can affect your work and personality, but perhaps there could a way to get any work back to be with her.
We all need money, but is that more important than being with a girl you love, because love doesn't just happen it has to be earned. Geoff.