Recently diagnosed

[Ems1234]

Iv been recently diagnosed with depression and I have been diagnosed anxiety for about 2 years now. I'm not sure how to deal with it, I feel like some people around me don't understand and I don't know how to get them too.

i also haven't told many people because I'm scared too, I also don't want to get attention from people because i myself don't know how to deal with this. How to I get other people to understand if I don't even understand?!!

[Paul]

Hey Ems,

Welcome to Beyondblue Forums.

I can understand that having depression as well as anxiety is scary. Sometimes it feels like we just need to hide away from the questions and even pretend it's not happening. I know this is really difficult and upsetting.

Depression and anxiety are ugly cousins. They tend to follow each other around as you've discovered. Luckily that means there are plenty of people in our situation (yeah, me too) who understand.

The biggest thing I understand about your post is not knowing much about depression and how to deal with it. I think it's much easier if you understand things yourself before even trying to satisfy anyone else's curiosity or even just telling them.

So, let's see what we can do about knowing the 2nd ugly cousin before trying to explain it to others.

There is heaps of information on the site here about depression and information for your people as well. have a read through. There's also people like myself and many others who know the ugly cousins as well.

I've found that multiple approaches for dealing with depression and anxiety work the best. You mentioned you were recently diagnosed with depression, so I assume that you've seen your Dr and you are under their care medically. That's one of the important approaches.

Another approach is reaching out to those who have experience and sharing your story or simply letting them know how you're feeling - you've started this by writing to us. Awesome.

Further approaches are; ensuring you are eating healthily and good quality food. Grab a bit of exercise if you can or even just a walk. Yoga, pilates, tai chi any of the eastern philosophies of meditation and exercise are great, especially for anxiety too!

Try and slow your mind down a bit so you can take a breather after learning of having depression as well. I know that for myself anxiety can pay a visit and things start spiralling downwards. I use some mindfulness tricks to try and stop the spiral. Very quick explanation, and I'll write more about it if you'd like. I use as many senses as possible to keep me grounded. what can I hear, what can I see, what can I smell. This helps slow me down. I then allow the thoughts and feelings to come in to my mind but hold them there without judging or reacting. I just look at them, give the emotions a name e.g. that looks like fear, or acknowledge I'm having a thought then let them draft away. This takes practice.

Ems, You're not alone here. Write back soon.

Paul

[blondguy]

Hello EMS1234

Welcome and thankyou for posting!

Like Paul mentioned above Depression/Anxiety are ugly cousins. I have had the same combo for many years and I do feel your pain and frustration when it comes to people not understanding.

This accursed illness isnt visable when other people look at you so they cant comprehend the dreadful feelings you have. Depression is a serious illness and is no different to diabetes or heart disease. Its also partially chemical based in nature which makes it a physical illness on its own in reality.

If I may ask you Ems....do have a GP/therapist at the moment? They can be wonderful in providing you with a platform on which you can heal.

If you have close friends that 'just dont get it' scroll down to the bottom of this page and under the header of "Supporting Someone" you will find 'Supporting Someone with Depression'. Print out what you think suits you and give anyone close to you this info. Even just a page will help them a great deal to understand. I say anybody close because they would be the people that matter to you the most.

Giving them a basic A4 with some info about this illness may really open their eyes as it can be a difficult illness to explain. It just easier.

Depression is extremely common....You are not on your own Ems. You are more than welcome to post as many times as you wish on the forums.

Here for you

Paul

[Ems1234]

Hi Paul

I am seeing a psychologist at the moment.

I would really like to hear more about how you take a breather and try to stop he spiral. I think that could really help me.

Thank you for replying to my post it has really helped me!

Ems1234

[Ems1234]

Hi Blondguy

I am currently seeing a psychologist weekly and seeing a gp to go onto antidepressants.

I will take up your advise to get an a4 sheet on how to help someone suffering

I really appreciate you replying to my post

Ems1234

[Strong100]

Hi Ems,

Maybe sometimes you might be afraid that everybody can tell that you are not yourself lately... though realise that not everybody will be able to tell the difference. If I were you, I would stick to a contract with myself to only tell a small select number of people you really trust, with the details of what is going on. That way you can talk about what you're going through with just those few and not worry about having to explain things to too many.

I would recommend too that you you look up Brene Brown's TED talks on the topic of vulnerability. She has a website and some good books put too. Google it.

[Paul]

Heya Ems,

Thanks for visiting us again.

You asked how I slow the spiral. I use a technique that uses mindfulness to "diffuse" the unpleasant or racing thoughts and feelings. It takes practice, so I had to use it day to day on ordinary or minor thoughts and feelings to begin with.

The key is to learn when I started to have a thought or feeling beginning and trap it. I did this by being very very conscious that the feeling or thought coming can't hurt me, then I allowed it in just a bit.

For feelings and emotions I let them in enough to look at them and feel just a little bit of them. I look feel and examine like a kid who is really inquisitive. Again, this took practice and I had to not be judgemental at all. I also had to resist the automatic voice that would talk to me about the feeling or telling me what might be coming next. I used that voice that everyone has (called self-talk) to name the emotion carefully. An example is "That looks like fear" Or "Hmm that looks like guilt" once I had named it and sat with it for a while I have a stupid imaginative orange pouch that I then place the emotions in. This might seem silly but it helps visualise, name, trap, be aware of and then diffuse the emotion. I haven't let it in but I HAVE acknowledged it.

Emotions WANT acknowledgement so by looking at them in this way I have definitely acknowledged them and diffused them. Others may follow in a chain - this is normal and you'll discover a pattern to the chain.

Thoughts are slightly easier. As a thought enters my head like "OMG I can't do this I'm not good enough to do it" I let it in, examine it, laugh at it and keep it just "there" then I sing the thought to the happy birthday song!

This one is a fun way to diffuse thoughts - keeping in mind that thoughts WANT a response but we don't need to respond them them like we need to respond to emotions. So With the "I'm not good enough" thought I say to myself "Ahh there's that old 'not good enough' thought again" then I sing the thought to the tune of happy birthday, usually don't need to put that one in the orange pouch - no prizes for guessing why or even if you try this you'll see why.

Let me know what you think and if you gave this a go. I learnt this from a Melbourne Dr who wrote a great book on what I've written and more.

Chat soon Ems.

Paul