Trust Issues

Redrose94 · ‎09-05-2016

Hey Everyone,

i was doing some thinking today. I discovered that I honestly have the hardest time getting close to people. My friends, family & the idea of a relationship scares me to my inner core. I don't trust anybody. I like & care about people a lot & tend to become the therapist (trying to stop this)

but my main thing is, I have deep trust issues. If someone I knew who was very close to me asked me if I trusted them, my answer would be no.

my trust issues stem from my childhood, where I wasn't accepted for who I was, I was guilted a lot and everything I did was never good enough. Along with many other things that stem from childhood.

but my question is, how do I practice trusting people & letting them in? Without being afraid of being vulnerable or 'emotionally naked'

because at this point, when someone hugs me I literally stand there and don't reciprocate. It's pretty bad, and I no longer want to keep people at arms length.

geoff · ‎09-05-2016

hello Redrose, I'm sure this is a topic that so many people think about, especially when they have depression or even after overcoming it, simply because we feel that we are temporarily exposed for being criticised by other people.
Trust can never be gained straight away, it has to be earned and over a period that you feel comfortable with, but certainly not even a week is long enough to begin to trust someone, because some people will only 'pretend' to help you but they may have an ulterior motive in trying to gain something from you.
For you to be a therpist is a very nice way to help other people, but it again doesn't mean that these people are trustworthy, because they are venting their thoughts and worries to you, but it doesn't mean that they will reciprocate in helping you, so the issue of trust is doubtful, not unless they have been able to help you before, and are able to keep secrets that you tell them, because once they start to tell other people what you have told them then trust has gone.
By someone giving you a hug is an affectionate way to show their care or love for you, but it doesn't automatically mean trust, that has to earned, and to be brought up with parents or siblings questionning everything you do, means that you have to understand what the word trust actually means, and if you look in the dictionary there are many words to explain what it means, but to trust a friend or family member is to believe that anything you say to them will be kept between the two of you only, and will certainly stick by you when you need them or want someone to talk to.
It will never happen to the first person you know, because as I say it has to be earned, just as it has to reciprocated, because feelings are very private, especially when you are at your lowest. Geoff.

SociallyAwkwardGirl · ‎10-05-2016

Hi Redrose64,
You are my first ever client 🙂

I understand that you have issues with trust, and thats really fine. I just wanted to let you know that some people are different to others, some are more trustworthy than most. I accept that you have trust issues as I have them myself. Trust issues has nothing wrong with it, and you should be proud of who you are no matter what, as you are the one who can stop and begin those types of things, so you have the choice - although the depressed stage in life includes this symptom. It is completely normal for you to have these, also, I might have mentioned about some are trustworthy? Well, trust has to be earnt by respect and loyalty, no-one just straight away says "Hello, I trust you" because you have to build up your trust, which I highly suggest anyone does. If you have trust issues, I suggest you try to let yourself open a bit, if you wanted to. My best advice is to stay friends, but not completely trust until you know them for atleast a year and half, so you have time to learn who they REALLY are, if you split before then, it is completely obvious they are not true.

Have you considered therapy? You have a common issue: Social Phobia I believe, my apologies if not, but you have issues publicly releasing yourself, like speaking in public, your scared you will be either: embarrassed, humiliated or publicly terrified, thats apart of trust. Though I do not have the issue, I have others I have to deal with, depression, anxiety and suicide problems. You before mentioned, hugs? Hugs does not simply mean "Hey we are friends now!" you dont completely know the monster living inside that person, whether they are boy, girl, or trans. On the other hand, my explanation is either try psychology or therapy, if you have already considered, and failed, or do not decide to, try releasing yourself, and if that fails, stick to who you are, your beautiful ❤️
Sincerely, SociallyAwkwardGirl

Redrose94 · ‎11-05-2016

Hey socially awkward girl!

what a great response. I'm aware that trust has to be earnt, I just have trouble practicing.

i have a close knit of friends who are great & I am very close with. Some I've known since primary school (I'm 22), but I just can't seem to wear my heart on my sleeve.

social phobia is a great suggestion, but I'm 100% certain I don't have the issue. I'm very comfortable talking to large crowds, I initiate public speaking and getting embarrassed in public doesn't really phase me, I think it's just a natural part of life.

i guess my issue is not understanding time frames properly. Sometimes I trust waaaay to quickly and its lead me to be hurt several times.

To me, one year is a lifetime, even though it flies by. Maybe I need to work on understanding the concept of giving myself time to understand what trust is and what it means to me.

trusting myself is the hardest things I've ever tried to do. Thank you for your response ❤️

pipsy · ‎11-05-2016

Hi Redrose. I guess another side of the trust issue is the feeling or instinct that comes when you meet someone for the first time. All the champions and most people answering these posts are trustworthy, not just because it's part and parcel of what we do and who we are. We have all been 'kicked' at one time or other, insensitive people are among those who have kicked us. I belong to a local church where trust is paramount, there are some ladies I don't socialize with because of personality issues, it doesn't mean I don't trust them, though. School friends I had trouble making because of my dysfunctional home life, a lot of them, I wouldn't trust, though - again because of the personality they seem to show. Personality does seem to enter the equation with trust issues. Maybe to some a year is perfectly adequate, to others, as you said, a year could be a lifetime. Only you know when you feel comfortable enough to trust someone, it's a type of instinct you learn as you become comfortable around people. If you're not comfortable giving hugs or receiving them, I would say to people who try to hug you, I don't wish to offend, but I'm not a 'huggy' type person. I'm not when I first meet someone either. I do the 'meet and greet' at our local church, the guy I replaced (due to his being unable to continue) tried to get me to kiss everyone who arrives. That's not me so I just smiled, but I don't kiss everyone.

Lynda.