where do you start ?

[Bea]

I have never been cool or fun - I struggled through school even though my friends were schol captians popular cool people - I am the odd one out 

now after finishing school i am at uni but have seemed to still carry the expectations. In the last months of year 12 i found myself been criticised for not having a job, for not having a social life for been dumb and stupid. Basically I was branded the friend who always said no. Now I have 2 jobs, uni. But im failing at both.

there are somedays where i sit on the bus in tears. I recently went to get a ADHD diagnoses and am midway through (the cost is just astronomical) i was put on a stimulate but they haven't really helped - i got headaches , but even when i'm not taking the medication i now seem to be experiencing headaches.

Recently i get irritable, the only reason why i seem to get up is for work. it has now become my life. i don't read anymore, i don't even want to go outside to my pets. I cant do uni work i just sit there. I don't know what to do i feel so stuck . Financially Emotionally. I forget to do basic tasks - forget where i put things. I know i have to change but where does one start - every time i do something there's like this pattern of destruction i begin something, goes really well then it starts to break down. 

It's like i am asking for help but i'm asking for the wrong help.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Bea, 

Thank you for sharing what's been going on for you, we understand this isn't always easy to do. We can hear that you are dealing with a lot at the moment and it's important that we are kind to ourselves during times like this. We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors at Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636 or your local GP or mental health support, also available through webchat, if you'd prefer:  

• Beyond Blue  

We know it can be a difficult time of transition when at University, we often carry expectations from the past with us. It's important to remember that you are doing the best you can and often our own expectations can put a lot of pressure on ourselves. It sounds like you have achieved some great things, between attending university and working. Please be kind to yourself and know that we are always here to talk.

Please feel free to share any thoughts or feelings you have with our community, and we hope they spot your post and provide you with some comfort and kind words.   

Kind regards, 

Sophie M