want to know depression and want to find myself

[Gopal]

Hi, everyone, I am 24 and I know that I am depressed, I have read a lot of material regarding depression and its symptoms, and I am experiencing those since a long time back. I need help, I need help to fight it, I need help to get back to my life, and I need help to be in control of my life. For a long time back now, I am feeling that i am not in control of my life. I want my life back. I lost my family, friends, spirit, pleasures, love everything......living life like an empty darkness and can't tell a soul about it. 

[AGrace]

Hi Gopal,

Whether you go to the Dr and get a diagnosis or not is not going to change the fact that you have depression. Sometimes getting the diagnosis brings a sense of relief, because you can finally say "Yep, that's how I feel."

You mentioned not being able to tell your family in fear that your mother's condition may deteriorate. In most cases people prefer the fact that they have someone they can talk to who finally knows how they feel. Your mum might feel like this too. I'm guessing there is more than just your mum in your family. Your other option would be to tell a couple of the others but ask that they don't trouble your mum with this until you are a bit more stable.

Just like you everyone wants to know the answer to the billion dollar question. How do you get better? Sometimes I think winning the XLotto is easier. I guess my response to that is to tackle the illness from several angles. If you think of a company, and how it runs efficiently, there's not just a manager. There's usually HR, Marketing, Employees, Directors, Admin, and there's even a Cleaner among others. The same goes for treating mental illness. You have a GP, a Psychologist, a Psychiatrist, Medication, Coping Strategies, Life Skills, Hospital, Outpatient Programs, Support Groups, and even Online Resources and Forums. I honestly wouldn't be here today without the input from all of these Mental Health Assets. The other factors are time, patience, will, and peer/family support.

If you haven't done so already, take a look at some of the threads under Recovery and Staying Well, there are plenty of different perspectives on this topic.

I would also say one of the biggest things that helped me was seeing the illness as different to me. We tend to use a lot of "I" statements. "I can't think clearly anymore, I'm not interested in anything anymore, I don't have the energy to go anywhere or do anything" etc. In actual fact rather than "I" it's actually the illness that is preventing you. "My illness is stopping me from..." Without the illness, you would still be the same you that you have always been. One of my therapists once got me to write a letter to my anxiety. It was more a decline to an invitation to hang out with anxiety. It was really useful to be able to tell my mental illness just what I thought of it. This is a form of Narrative Therapy.

Ok, I will run out of characters, so I'll leave it there.
AGrace

[gmc]

Hello dear Gopal,

I understand your fear, I was afraid of medication too. But I would suggest that if you don't want to see a psychiatrist, try to see a psycho-therapist. He is not allowed to give any medication, but he'd tell you if you'd need to see a doctor, if you need to. I also tried to deal with it by myself, but I couldn't. Maybe you could. My road was shorter by this way.

Try to see also the resources of beyondblue, they are very helpful.

Keep us posted,

gmc

[Gopal]

Hi there, thanks for the suggestion. 

i didnot know about the psycho-therapist, but as I know now, I will definitely try to get into touch of one next month. Meanwhile, I am trying to pull myself together by some personal methods, as I used to love to listening high pitch music during getting ready for office, I am trying that for few days now, I dont know whether it is helping me or not but why not take a chance. I am seriously considering going to gym and getting into work out again. But I am so damn out of shape and energy, I am still thinking about it. I am trying to concentrate on my work and studies. The worst case happens when you realize how alone I am in this world. My ex girlfriend, left me for some family issues and now I realize that my problems were at some point responsible for the break up. My panic attacks and not being able to think clearly, and the habit to forget things were a big factor behind this catastrophe of my life. I am currently trying to remember myself back in my college days when I was full of energy and enthusiasm and used to live life kingsize. At times, when I feel low, I try to remember those and ask that person, what happend? What changed inside you? Nothing comes in reply. I am trying and trying.....lets c what happens...until next time...

[gmc]

Dear Gopal,

Opening here on the forum is an important step for your well-being. We all are very unhappy with how our life seems to have a turn when depression and anxiety hits us, but the most important thing when it happens is to know what the real problem is and to accept the help that we are getting. As us, who read and write our own stories and reply to other trying to help them get over their problems. I deeply greatful for the help I got from here, because I have let the left to get to me, the people made me understand that I needed it. I trully hope I can make it in this case, in your case, and make you understand that if I or whoever else writes here as a reply to you is because we care. I know you know that. As we care, the specialists who you'll see, wherther it's a psycho-therapist or a psychiatrist, he is doing his job in trying to make you feel better. As you are open to me know, a complete stranger, and I feel you are open, you can try and be open to them too. We, here, have been through what you describe and some help is so good from these specialists. Please try to trust them as you trust us here. 

By the way, there is of professionals on this website, look there for someone - it's better to start from a GP first, to direct you to any of the specialists that you need. And as I suggested from last post, look for other resources. BeyondBlue is a great source to make you understand what depression and anxiety is and how should you act if you suffer from these.

That's what depression does - it takes our will, our power to do stuff, to enjoy life. If you understand that this is happening, you're on the right path. More, if you begin to feel able to achieve those plans of going to the gym and focus on studies, it's even better.

I would strongly and nicely suggest you to read the BB resources. To me it was a great help in my most dark moments.

Keep us posted, Gopal, and keep strong. Write here anytime you want, we - I certanly will - try to answer as much as we know from our own experience.

gmc

[Gopal]

Hi gmc, 

Today I want to ask a question.. what one should do to overcome guilt? and it is not some ordinary guilt i am talking about, i am talking about guilt of ruining someone's life. this guilt as i am facing right right now is actually killing me. this guilt i know that burning me inside out but I cant do anything about it. The feeling when I look at other people on road, smiling and talking to each other and living each and every moment of their lives, makes me feel that I would be never be able to live that way. If thinking practically i know that the guilt which is causing pain is not entirely mine, may be my live's story was written in that way. the person i am talking about also has a contribution no matter how small it was in the events which has caused the incident for which i am regretting. but the fact of the matter is, I am surrounded by guilt and cant have a normal thinking process which would lead me into a normal state of mind. I just dont know how to let go of it. 

I am tired and want help... meanwhile i am seriously considering going in counselling and i am trying to get an appointment in the first half of the next month. 

until next time... 

Gopal

[gmc]

Hello dear Gopal,

Guilt is a delicate subject to discuss, I think. Guilt is related to responsibility. Maybe you should try and realize if you were really responsible for that. And maybe you should talk to someone who can actually make you get to the real answer. I support what I said before, that therapy is a very good way to find yourself regarding this problems and others too. You will learn, as the person you are talking about, that time solves everything, and as it goes, it can your pain. Reaching for help I think is the best you could do. We are social beings and it's good for us. And also conditions make our pain bigger, depression and anxiety make guilt even bigger. You may learn how to say "I'm sorry", and you are sorry from the bottom of your heart, you may be forgiven, because I think that what you really want is forgiveness.

I appreciate you, Gopal, for being concerned of these problems. I do hope you'll find inner peace, you'll see that life goes on and we have to go with it. I hope I made my point and it helps you.

until next time...

gmc

[CMF]

Hi

i understand not wanting to go to a dr and taking meds. I'm the same. So let's try natural things

good sleep is important

exercise very important. I have started walking daily and I believe it is helping me. The last few days have been good for me

diet. Red meat cooked rare actually has antidepressants so do broad beans brown rice is excellent too

read up on dandelion tea. Many many health benefits

inositol a natural sugar found in cantaloupe oranges etc

It can treat depression and mood swings. The way inositol benefits depression, mood swings and to a lesser extent, bipolar disorder is very promising as well. Research has shown that those with low levels of inositol in their body have a higher chance of suffering any of these mental illnesses. Also, inositol is known to participate in the action of serotonin production in the brain and nerve systems that responds well to mood stabilizers. Put these together and you have a pretty great, natural antidepressant.

Love to hear how you go with these

[Gopal]

Hello gmc, 

thanks for being so concerned about feelings and talking to me. I know that guilt is a monster which is cant be seen, it can only be felt. I know how guilt can make a person's life miserable. The last couple of days I have been constantly thinking about my guilt and I came realize the fact that I am suffering not only because of my guilt but also for the guilt of others. Others who have been in my association and shared their life with me. I am thinking that for their misery I am responsible, but in reality, I realized that, I was always going according to the wind and it was the wind who was decided where to go, and suddenly I realized, that wind was turned into a cyclone and everything I have worked so hard for, was completely ruined, and I was alone again. But now I realize that it was not fault I was always there, if the wind makes mistake then I can't do anything about it, and I can't blame myself for that. I am familier with the fact that life goes on no matter what, Everybody comes in this world for a particular purpose to serve. Some become politicians, some become monks, some become terrorist. It is nothing I can do all about it. The more I try to control the life of others... the more I loose control of my life. I have realized that. I now try to be happy with what I am and no matter how bad or black my soul is, it is mine, and i have to live my life with that only. During the last few days, I have taken a few steps and made some course corrections in my life. Talked to persons, apologized to few, asked a few persons not to contact me anymore. I can say that, right now, at this moment, I am doing just fine. But don't know whether the monster of guilt will be back or not, But I am preparing myself to fight that monster with logic and courage. You were right gmc, I want forgiveness, but as a matter of fact, not from anyone, I want to forgive myself. 

until next time

With love

Gopal  

[Gopal]

Hi there, 

yes i know the feeling of not wanting to go to doctor and try to control the depression by yourself. I am also trying it, but few members of this group, who nice enough to talk to me about my problems, I think that is the best counselling for me. As long as I can discuss my problems with some who can understand my problems and feeling, I am good. However, in order to keep their advice I have sought appointment of a therapist next month. Lets c how that works, I will share my experience with you all. Like you i am also trying to depression my my self, a few steps and measures which i have taken are as follows: 

everyday morning I listen to music...the kind of music i love hard rock, metal, high tune music which sets my mood in a upper tone. I have started running, I have plans to start working out next month. As because of long break (I used to work out before) my body is out of shape, I am trying to reshape it. I have changed my deo, as the old deos and perfumes used to trigger recall the past memories of depression. I have changed my diet a bit, previously i used to eat a lot of fast food, i am trying to eat as much green as i can and home made food. In my office I am trying to connect to the people whom I never talked to in the past years. I am trying to make a network of friends, On the weekends, I am calling up my old friends from college and school, and hanging with them, and discussing the past funs as well as present life of us. I am trying to regain my habit of reading, but this is I am having trouble because, the ability to concentrate is completely gone I think, But I have made a resolution to read and remember one page per day before sleep. I have also changed my sleeping place, I have changed the changed the interior of my room............

One more thing, I am doing now which is writing letters to depression and anxiety. one each day. I am letting my depression know that how I am living and how I feel now, and that I am not going to surrender to him. I also ask him how is he working to beat me. 

This was suggested by my friend here Agrace, I owe her this. This is really helping me a lot... I am learning to keep depression and anxiety separated from myself... 

You can also try this.... this I think will help you... Keep it the spirit up......

Until next time..bye ..TC   

[Sea-n-sky]

Hi Gopal,

Welcome on board.

I only just noticed your posts and it's great to see you getting so much support, and that you are interacting with those other people on here.

I believe it is possible to do a lot to deal with depression on your own. However you cannot beat it completely on your own. Other people have to be involved and I already see that happening on here. The other important thing is that you have to recognise depression yourself and be aware that you are suffering from it. That is probably the most important thing of all - it's the start of the cure.

Clearly you have done that at last, and posted on here. That's just fantastic, keep it up. Don't go away, we want to help and learn about how you are getting on.

Sorry I cant spend any more time at the moment - I have to go out to a pre arranged appointment.

Hope to see you again soon. (On here) 

Cheers,

Sea-n-sky