Venting

[OceanPhoenix]

So recently I have been struggling to cope with the pressure placed on me by others.  I'm constantly expected to get into a great university and everyone around me believes I can do it except me. Its been hard for me for a very long time to get into good studying habits and become motivated but as of recently, I have managed to commit to a schedule but every day I'm scared that I will lose my motivation and just drop off into old habits. It also does not help that my parents are putting pressure on me to do well in some subjects and that they are really pushing me to great lengths to get into the uni I and they want. For example, they want me to approach people at my school to get a statement of support for something but I hate asking and struggled to approach people especially adults with particular matters. My parents say that I'm mute and don't know how to speak up for myself and they are right but I do not know how to fix that like when I was younger (Year 7ish) I could not even look people in the eye so am I supposed to speak to people! Not to mention that my parents are my only support system right now since my old friend group dropped me and the people I hang out with now although nice it's obvious they are close and I'm an outsider. Like I just do not know what to do in regards to my parents, university, and like just speaking to people in general.

Then there is body image but mainly body weight. As of recently I have been really picky with my weight and I have tried dieting in the past but after losing the weight I would gain it right back. I have turned to search for more extreme measures to lose weight as well but I just wanna lose weight so badly. Not only that I can't even tell if I'm just being lazy or just unmotivated because everyone around has told me I'm just lazy and I cannot tell the difference. Also anytime my parents comment on my weight or make comments relating to food I get really angry and irritated and defensive about it. Plus at school, I have become more nervous about eating in front of others outside of my "friend group" and I try hiding my food. Sometimes my mum will also make comments like when I went dress shopping for formal she would say "if you lost like 3 kgs the dress will look better on you" among other things that make it seem she is interested in how I look but on most occasions it just makes me feel self-conscious.

Honestly, any advice would be appreciated, and thanks for listening.

[geoff]

Hello OceanPhoenix, I'm sorry you are feeling like this, but being unmotivated may be totally different than being lazy, each one has a different source or reason, and for your parents to dicate what you should be doing and what to say is not giving you the opportunity to develop on your own.

I do realise that parents do try and guide us in the right direction, but at times, it's what they want us to do and not what we want to achieve, and there can start a problem.

To empathise this, is by telling you 'if you lost like 3 kgs the dress will look better on you', I'm sure this would be going through your own mind and don't need to told this by your mum.

It might appear that your parents are your only support at the moment, but as soon as they want to dominate everything you do, then it's not helping you and putting too much pressure on you and not allowing you to develop your own thoughts, because this will naturally happen as soon as move out.

Your future is what you want to do and certainly not what they expect you to achieve, nor what others believe you are capable of doing, why, because you can't be pushed into something you don't like, purely because down the track you might not finish.

With all respect to you, if you place this in your browser then these people may help you 'help for overweight kids australia', and only do this if that's your decision.

You can also contact Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 by phone, web chat or online and it's a free service.

Your life is what you want to do and should not be planned by your parents or anyone else.

My best.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Petal22]

Hi OceanPhoenix,

Im sorry this is happening.

I want you to know that you are BEAUTIFUL just the way you are.

Our bodies are just our outer case what we hold inside our bodies is so much more important than our physical looks.

Please start to feed your mind with positive thoughts about yourself by doing this it will build you into a more happier content version of you.

Im sorry for what your mum said to you in regards to loosing weight for the dress….. this is a reflection of your mum and her inner dialogue  it has nothing to do with you.

Shine your own light and be happy with you no matter what your mum says.

It’s totally understandable that you find it hard to communicate with adults in regards to the questions your parents have asked you to ask them regarding school it can be confronting at your age.

In time you will find your friends but sometimes it takes time to find the ones who are deserving of your friendship.

You will grow and evolve as your life progresses please try not to put to much pressure on yourself you will grow in your own time. ❤️

[OceanPhoenix]

So this year I have started my first year of university. I can already tell things haven't been going well for me for some time as in the last couple of weeks I have been skipping meals (mainly just dinner) as well been sleeping poorly despite on some nights staying up a bit later than usual I would and have awoken in the middle of sleep several times. Moving on to university I have been struggling to motivate myself to study even in high school I had immense difficulty continuing to study and focusing on studying as well.  During term 3 and a bit of term 4, my studying habits improved a lot and I was doing better but over the break, I lost all motivation to study. I'm in my second week and all I am committed to doing is taking notes and then doing anything else. I'm scared I'm going to go back to old habits of poor study and poor motivation. Not to mention my parents have been controlling me, telling me when to sleep, what and when to eat, when or how long I can play games, etc. I'm aware that it comes from a place of concern but it just feels overbearing if anything. I have been waking up exhausted every day and I know none of this is normal but a part of me just I suppose can't be bothered to do anything about it. It does not help that I have had little to no friends since going to uni so my support system is also limited. Honestly, at this point I don't know what to do so any advice will be greatly appreciated. Thanks for listening 🙂