Unsure of approach to socialising

[Pensive]

Hi, I'm new to this forum, in need of some advice about the best way to approach talking about oneself. I have a get-together tomorrow and I'm worried already that I'll be the silent loser in the corner...

I'm a bad storyteller and conversation-maker. My mind just goes blank when I try to recall a story. I'm fine with the listening and asking questions bit, just suck at talking about myself.

I just came back from a trip overseas so technically I should have heaps of stories. But, say today, I couldn't bring myself to talk about any of my journeys with a friend. He talked about himself, and the conversation flowed but then when it came to my turn, all I could muster was a few facts about what I had learnt about overseas and the general vibe I had felt about the place. Nothing more, as my mind was blank.

I think I have trouble remembering specific facts like how many floors of flowers there were in a building. It's partly why I can't tell stories as I start a story then have to go back and correct the numbers and facts, and get worried that I'm losing the other person's patience.

As well, I have a harsh inner critic that says "that's stupid and boring" whenever I think of something, although usually it is actually a stupid and boring idea I just thought up. Like "Oh I saw a mahjong auto-shuffling table" which would be really random to talk about and difficult for anyone to relate to.

Perhaps it is my attitude in general - I usually have no patience for superficial things. I want to talk about stuff that is relevant to people, but it ends up being silence because my mind becomes blank.

Could someone please tell me how to best approach this? Selfhelp videos keep telling me to be spontaneous, let my guard down etc. but that advice isn't working because it feels forced and I always feel like I don't have energy to spout anything that comes to mind and then try to make a story out of it. It just ends up in me spouting random facts and awkwardness ensuing.

Is there a more fun and enjoyable approach?

[Croix]

Dear Pensive~

Welcome here, the very first thing I notice is there is nothing wrong with your ability to relate a tale and generate strong mental pictures. Your post does this.

I guess a lot of the problem might be your expectations. Trying to talk about things you fundamentally don't feel the need to talk about is not realy gong to work well. Similarly if you do not have an aptitude for conjuring up facts and numbers it will be difficult. True you can learn things by rote, practice jokes and so on, but I doubt you will ever be comfortable just doing that.

Can I suggest that instead of giving facts you try giving feelings? If you saw a dirty child being dragged vigorously by an parent it might have made you feel sad, or wanted to do something. So that is what you would say. If you saw umpteen birds in cages you might have wanted to release them. A picture might have reminded you of your mum.

Those may be silly or inappropriate examples, however I'm just trying to give you the idea.

The other thing of course if here is something that needs saying, I want to sell my car on the side of the road but the council won't let me, can we change the council's mind? Again an example you won't relate to, but I'd suspect there are things that do. The best instance is your post, you had a mission and acted on it.

What do you think?

Croix

[Pensive]

Thanks for the advice Croix! I found it very helpful. I'll give it a shot 😃

[Birdy77]

Hi Pensive,

I love Croix's reply & i agree with him.

You express yourself beautifully.

You sound like a very interesting and insightful person.

I wouldn't worry too much about facts and details when you're relating a story. I often find myself saying "i can't remember the exact details but ..." when I'm telling a story.

Focussing on feelings is good.

Also people often like to talk about themselves so you could always ask them questions about the story they're telling and elicit further information from them, this makes them feel interesting and heard and appreciated and people like that.

There's a quote by Maya Angelou that says something like "People won't remember the words you tell them, but they will remember the way you make them feel".

I hope you have fun today and that you feel free to be your interesting and unique self 😊.

🌻birdy