To tell? Or not to tell?

[flower_girl1]

Hi All,

if you have been following my thread you know that I have been having some trouble with anxiety over the last few months. I have recently been put on ADs and I feel like they are starting to work now. 

Mi haven't told anyone in my life yet just my doctor and I am trying to decide who I should tell if I should at all. It's been good to have this place as a kind of journal and I can't decide if it's worth telling one person or a few. 

1. First I could talk to my head teacher. I am aprehensive though because a lot of students go to her and spin a story about not coping to get extensions and I know it's BS. So I feel kinda bad like I'm joining this group. Frankly she might not be as to give me extensions this late in the year anyway.

2. My best friend is in science and works with pharmaceuticals so she would probs be very understanding. But I usually have heaps of fun with her I don't want to ruin the time we have together.

3. Cousin, I have a cousin who is studying to work in mental health. We are very close but she has always treated me like a little sister she wants to give advice to and I dont k ow that I really want that from her.

4. Brother, I am fairly sure he went through something like this in his Hsc though I dont know exactly what. We are not close though so it might just be an awkward conversation.

i don't want to tell my parents as they will worry far to much and a part of me feels like dealing with this on my own makes me a strong adult. If I talk to ppl about it are they all going to start babying me and checking in on me? 

How many ppl do you normally have in your lives that you share this with?

flower_girl

[white knight]

Hi flower_girl,

Well, I have the nature that tell everyone everything. I've tried to be otherwise but it is the way I am. So how many of the 30 or so family, friends, acquaintances etc understood to a level that didnt make me feel uncomfortable? One, my wife and that's because she also suffers depression.

So in a nutshell if you can withhold such information from others- do so.

The old saying "it takes one to know one" is so true. That is why we are here on Beyond Blue....we are among our own that know what you are going through.  We relate. Most dont.

Furthermore, you might get a negative open or negative secret reaction. You could be treated/looked upon differently. On of my ex older friends took it upon himself to be quasi psychologist.  We are very careful here on this forum to not overstep our level of volunteer helper from the perspective of an experienced person that has suffered mental illness and lifes experiences. But to have a firend look down upon you and play psych is hard to bare.

So you have to make your own decision based on yuor own gut feelings.

[flower_girl1]

Hi wk,

Thanks for replying, first hand experience is exactly what I am after. I Always love reading your posts, even if its not about anything I have experienced. Reading kind words can build you up, in the same way that cruel words can knock you down so as long as you keep writing I will keep reading.

flower_girl

[Snoman]

Hi flower_girl,

Like WK, I tend to tell everyone everything.  In my case, my concerned wife told many of our friends because they were cousellors or their partners were, and she needed advice.  We also told all our family.

Friends have been wonderful.  Family have struggled with not understanding why I don't just "man-up".  Wife has been an absolute angel.

Saying all that, I would not tell work people.

Snoman

[HA1]

Hi

I differ somewhat from WK and Sno.  As I mentioned elsewhere, I am very careful about who I tell.  Partly this is because that's the way I have always been but also because I know that most will not understand.  Even those I tell about my illness, are only told what I gauge they can handle.  The exception to this is my partner who knows everything, but expectedly has difficulty coping.

Those others I have told broad details to are limited to a handful of family members, but not all.  Elderly parents I told only because I 'owed' it to them, one sibling, and my adult children know that I suffer depression.  No specifics about how I feel.

K

[Snoman]

I guess how much we tell someone depends on our expectations of how they will react.

Sometimes I have started to tell them, and then realised from their initial reactions that I can't say as much as I intended.  Some I have told more after it turns out they have been there too.

I want to educate people, so I try to tell them something new to think about.  Sometimes I couch that in terms of "what I have read about" and don't add the bit about how that describes me too.

Since Robin Williams' death, my in-laws finally accept that depression is real.

[flower_girl1]

Hi guys,

You have made some interesting points, perhaps I will just keep it at a need to know basis for now.

Thanks.

flower_girl