Struggling to cope

[Beardy91]

Hey everyone,

Not sure where to start...I have had mild depression for 4 years now (triggered by a very strong inspirational mother figure passing away) and in the last two weeks have been put on medication. Up until 4 weeks ago I used to get myself out of "ruts" with music or delving deep into an activity, then work happened, and September happened, family tension heightened and being a world away from my fiancé has brought my coping mechanisms to an all time low.

I have openly come out and admitted I have depression and I have found that has helped me cope with it...until family turn around and tell me people with depression don't confess to having it. I have been pushed and pushed to my breaking point so much so I have had suicidal thoughts and become so introverted my grandfather is the only person I hang out with now. I know I shouldn't let people's words affect me, but I feel as though I have tried and tried to ask for help or even an ear to hear and have been shut down by the people I love the most. 

Because of what people have said in the past I don't do things for myself, I can't eat in front of family, and as I said I only really hang out with my grandfather (not that that's really a bad thing). I have one goal that I am working towards, that has pulled me out of my darkest points and that's to move to overseas to start my life and family with my fiancé and I am trying very very hard to focus on that.

i'm not really asking for advice, I just needed to share with someone what's going on, as I said (I think) i talk things out as a coping mechanism.

cheers, beardy

[HA1]

Hello Beardy91!

Welcome to the BB forum & thank you for sharing your story with us.  Most people on here will understand entirely how you feel. Talking about it, is a vital part of staying well.  I don't talk easily with people, but find that sharing/venting here, is therapeutic- just like you.

But I must tell you that people who say that "those with depression don't confess to having it" simply don't understand.  Coming out and talking about it (especially to family for heavens sake), has been one of the decisions I have made.  Not because they necessarily understand, but because it was an outlet for me.  At this stage it is all about you - and what is best for you.  

I do understand what you are saying about moving overseas and joining your fiancé.  I think (and only my opinion) that a change from the norm is possibly the best medicine.  Many (and I mean many!) years ago, I was in about the same situation.  I went, and it helped me (although at that stage I was still undiagnosed).

You have recently been put on medication - how is that going for you? 

Take care and keep talking to us and sharing your thoughts.

K

[Neil_1]

Hi there Beardy

Thanx for providing your post and also I'd like to extend a warm welcome to Beyond Blue to you.

Often times, it can be kind of therapeutic just to do what you've done here - and that's just writing some of your situation down.  I've got pages and pages (in fact, have a manuscript, that I'd love to try to get published one day) about my thoughts, my battles, etc.  But from time to time, I do post something here - and it helps.  So I'm very pleased that you've made this approach to come here and share a little.

That must have been a difficult time when you opened up to your family about your illness, only to have them pretty much chuck it back in your face.  Things like that can take massive internal efforts on our behalf, and really no-one else can know how torn up inside we are, but to then have it expressed back to you in that way - that would be like pricking a balloon effect, I would have thought.

It's just that the larger population simply don't understand or get mental illnesses;  I know there's so much out there now trying to fix this stigma and it IS changing, but it still is a kick in the guts when you experience it first hand.

Do you have a time-frame for when you will be meeting up with your fiance again?  I can only imagine how much you'd be looking forward to this and for how important this will be for you.

In the meantime, it was fantastic that you were able to come here and post and I would really encourage you to keep doing this for as long as you feel ok to do so.  We're here all the time (just fellow sufferers) and we'd love to be able to try to assist you more at this time.

Cheers

Neil