Seeking Advice

[DavidDS4]

Hello my name is David im 19years of age and this isn't something i would normally actually do but here goes

so last year i had lost my oldest brother in a car accident and from then on my life has been going down hill, My Girlfriend who i really loved left me, i have lost friends over periods of time and i have also been struggling to find work for so long, the worst bit is i feel like i have nobody to talk to about this stuff, mainly because i feel as if i want someone other then family to talk to about this stuff because of the chats we could have..i feel like my life has turned around and gone another way and i feel as if i don't have a path to follow in life and i'm really unsure of what to do..

[geoff]

hello David, please accept my most sincere condolences for the loss of your brother.
This is something you are going to find so difficult to put behind you, and if you do talk to your family there would be too much emotion that you can express exactly how you feel, but by talking to other people who may have known him or those that didn't know him, you will be able to mention all those good times you had together and how it feels to be in this terrible situation, I'm just so sorry for you.
The wonderful people on this site who have encountered their own devasting years of depression, which means any type of depression, know what this means to you and suffer the pain with you and want you to get back to us.
Some of us have tried to end our own life, just as I have, so this makes a much greater connection with you, so we feel your anxiety, your depression and your grief, and such sadness will never be overcome, it's where we have to try and make you feel a little bit better on how to cope with it.
Again my deepest sorrow for you. Geoff.

[White_Rose]

Dear David

Hello and welcome to Beyond Blue. This is a good place to talk about your brother or any subject you want to talk about. I am so sorry you have lost your brother. Loving someone we love is devastating and takes a long time to learn to live with. You will never forget but in time will remember his life with love and happiness. I give you a quote that I was given by a friend whose son died in a workplace accident. "You will never forget, but the intervals between remembering will get longer." That is a great description of how we manage our grief and we will remember with love.

That is a long term journey but in the immediate time you do need someone to talk to about your loss. I understand about wanting to talk to someone not in your family. When my mom died I found it difficult to talk to family because it felt as though I was causing them grief. Not really true because they wanted to talk about my mom, but it was so hard and emotional. Give yourself some space to mourn.

I suggest a visit to your GP. You can talk to him/her about your sorrow and perhaps can have a referral to someone you can talk to. There are many counselling services around and your GP will know what is good in your area. There are organisations such as Relationships Australia and Anglicare, who do not charge for counselling, or only a few dollars. This does not mean you are crazy or anything. It's a safe place where you can mourn and talk without the fear of upsetting the other person. Your GP will know of any other resources.

You can also phone the BB helpline on 1300 22 4636 which is available 24/7. This is also a safe place to talk, just as on this web site.

Remember you will learn to live with this and be happy again. It was a dreadful thing to happen and I send you a virtual hug. Feel held in the collective love of the people who write here. We all know sorrow and can 'listen' to you grief. Keep writing in here for as long as you wish.

Mary

[pipsy]

Hi David. My sincerest condolences with everything you're dealing with, losing your brother, then gf. Your grief would be overwhelming and trying to come to terms with everything would be unreal to say the least. Trying to tell other people how you feel anger, hurt, etc would be hard because until the people you tell has experienced what you're feeling, they have no idea what to say. Some people (not wishing to be appear insensitive) will try to change the subject rather than listen or offer condolences. As Geoff so kindly said, most of us here have been where you are now, so we can understand your pain and intense grief. If you can share some of your better memories of your brother with someone who knew him it would help. Do you keep a journal, perhaps you could write something in your journal that is personal, a message to your brother telling him how much you love and miss him. Tell him, in the journal (should you decide to keep one) about your day to day life. Share things that he would've enjoyed. Try to focus on the good memories, the private times with him. As far as your gf goes, I think possibly she may not be able to comfort you as she can't feel what you're experiencing. Grief is extremely personal and everyone deals with it differently. Also if she didn't really have a connection with your brother, she can't help you. You need to deal with your grief and focus on you for now. Don't hurry your grieving, you need time to process what's happened.

Lynda

[DavidDS4]

Thank you all for your such kind words :))

i do write a lot of stuff down and i make poems about what i'm feeling as i'm very good with that sort of stuff, however i accept a lot of your advice on such things everyone has said and i have spoken to a psychiatrist before but i have had trouble with that because expressing myself isn't my strong suit, however what is bothering me in life at the moment is like i have said i feel as if i have no path to follow

i do apply for a lot of jobs and i get a lot of knock backs, and i have been studying to fill in that gap of time i have and it brings me down because it's one thing that can keep me sane is holding a job because i know it's what i'd love to be doing in this point in time, as for my ex Girlfriend i'm not sure what's going on lately we broke up months ago but lately everyday i think about her at least once and every night i dream of her and it's all happy times which i always wake up very depressed and sad because she's no longer in my life, it's very hard on letting someone go you put in so much time and effort for and you loved and cared for no other.

But thank you all for your wonderful advice i hope to hear from you all soon.

Thank you :3