Poor social skills

[NorthShoreCitizen]

Hello again,

I have written here before but I wanted to address something different or similar to my previous post. The title says it all, I find I have bad social skills and I think is comes down to these reasons:

- Having any personality traits that don't mesh well with the norm

- Not being interested in the same things as most members of your gender

- My Interests

- Anxiety

I just can't seem to get along well with most people my age (19). I feel very lonely and isolated from everyone else. My whole life only revolves around UNI and I have nothing else going for me, which is getting really hard. Most days are like a broken record and I can't seem to break free from it. I feel like getting a Job won't even fix this problem. I do have some "friends" at uni, however the only time I ever communicate with them is when I'm at UNI. I need to branch out more than be with family (which I mentioned in my previous post), but I'm finding it hard to do this and have had very little success with friendships. I don't know what do do. I am proud of who I am and my way of thinking and interests, but its not doing very well in the social world 😞

Thank you to whoever responds and I hope it all made sense.

[white knight]

Hi NSC, welcome back

OK. I've had around 90 jobs and now retired. The number if friends kept from those jobs? 1.

So in terms of your Uni friends, they will move on eventually when they finish Uni.

You might be better off seeking a sport like volleyball or badminton or hobbies in the evening.

Often people think their friends should be the same age but your maturity could be advanced or interests varied.

I knew a young lady 21yo that played the chello. She was working her way into an orchestra. She had little free time. There was no way she could pursue friendships unless it was via music.

Something to think about.

Tony WK

[White_Rose]

Hello again NSC

I'm not certain if you have poor social skills or have social anxiety. Either way you are not comfortable with many other people and I gather it's more than people of your own age. If I remember rightly you said you got on more easily with your brother's friends. Do I have that right?

At this stage I cannot remember what I said previously, so I hope I am not simply repeating myself. What are your interests. I enjoy many activities. I garden, read, sew clothes for my granddaughters, embroider and those are the 'at home' activities. I volunteer with several organisations which keeps me busy and definitely keeps the brain ticking over. I wonder if you can find a group or groups of people who are interested in doing the same things that interest you. It won't matter what age they are as you will an activity in common and I have found this kind of commonality brushes aside age. It also brushes aside whether you are shy or not. You are far more likely to find yourself chatting quite naturally with others.

I think I have said before, stop looking friends or friendships. Look for people who like what you like. Friendship will come later. What course are you doing at uni? And what sort of work will it lead you to when you have completed your degree?

Being proud of yourself is great. We all should be pleased with who we are. Can you tell us what personality traits you believe you have that do not mesh well with others? I am curious as most traits complement those in other people. A sort of Yin and Yang. How does this seem to you and your personality?

People make friends with those who interest them but also with those who reciprocate these feelings. So if someone invites to something, unless you really hate whatever it is, accept and go along. You may not make friends with that person but may meet others who you get along with. This is how it happens in the world.

I wonder about your anxiety. Have you talked to anyone about this? How about dropping in to your GP and having a chat about this. It can be very helpful.

Would you write back and tell us a little more about yourself, your interests, likes, even dislikes, and what you want to achieve in life.

Mary