Peter Pan syndrome

[grapefruit]

Hello! I am a 21 year old female college student. Ever since I was 14 I have been terrified of growing up and becoming an adult. I developed a strong "never want to grow up" attitude, like Peter Pan. Not due to a specific event - I've felt this way for a long time, during both good and bad periods. I didn't have an idyllic childhood so it's not run-of-the-mill nostalgia. I know everyone struggles with growing up in their own way, but I don't know if it's common to have the same intense fear that I have. By the time I turned 17, I already felt "old" somehow. Being reminded that I'm an adult (like someone calling me 'madam') is very alarming. Thinking of growing even older makes me feel like I'm suffocating. I am depressed and scared. I want to feel positive about my future and life in general, but am not sure where to start.

Is it normal for someone to feel this way? Has anyone else experienced the same feeling, now or in the past? Does anyone have any advice that may be helpful for dealing with it? I'd love to hear your thoughts 🙂

[Just Sara]

Hi and welcome Grapefruit;

What you describe can be a normal response to 'witnessing' trauma or unpleasant experiences of others. It doesn't necessarily have to be about you.

My son, who's now in late 20's, used to tell me; "I never want to grow up! Who'd want to go thru what you do?" To my understanding, it doesn't affect him now. But when he was a youngster my life was pretty average to be honest. He saw most of it unfortunately.

So I'm wondering if this might be something for you to ponder.

It's very late, or early I should say; 4am. So I'll leave things short and hit the hay. I hope you come back and let me know if I've helped to spark a memory or thought about the past. It might even be something to bring up with your counsellor?

Have a nice day hun...

Kind thoughts;

Sez

[grapefruit]

Hello Sara,

I really appreciate you taking the time to reply to me so early in the morning.

I think you may be correct, and will certainly bring it up with the counsellor next time I see one. Glad your son isn't dealing with these feelings anymore by the way.

-Grapefruit

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey grapefruit,

Hmm your post definitely made me think!

Part of me wonders/hypotheses that because of your childhood and potential trauma - you missed out, and that's why you don't want to grow up anymore. Perhaps you grew up fast, or perhaps you had to grow up fast - especially if you had a difficult childhood. Maybe there are all of these things that you wanted/needed/deserved to have as someone younger, and now you're losing that opportunity to have them. Does this make sense?

I hope that I'm not off track here - and if I am I apologise! I guess in a way I approached it from this angle because this was how I've felt. I've had to grow up fast because of different trauma; being told I was 'mature' more times than I could count, and needing to really grieve for a 'normal' childhood.

Perhaps this resonates with you - perhaps not. But I'm glad at least Sez (Just Sara) was helpful 🙂

[white knight]

Hi Grapefruit, welcome

As a boy I was into cars and meccano sets. I had quite a collection of toy cars and would play for hours in a lounge room corner even putting old alarm clocks onto meccano frames and watching them drive themselves.

At 17yo I joined the RAAF and bought cars and motorbikes on my adult wages plus debt. By 25yo I'd owned 30+ cars. I always told people- "this is my last car"! By 45yo I'd owned over 75 vehicles. I'm 62 now and the thought of selling and buying a car haunts me- I hate it!

So it was like something I had to burn out with. It was in fact an emotional immaturity. My illnesses are- bipolar2, depression, dysthymia and anxiety.

Why is it a problem for me? Well if we take away the financial hardship it brought my life then there is no harm. It is me. Tony is not your run of the mill guy that conforms to everyone elses expectations.

If men for example back in the 15th century were all the same, rather boring, non adventurist types then we'd all never have discovered Australia. It's well known that those people with ADHD, Mania etc are responsible for the worlds discoveries, art and entertainment. These people are the ones with flare and vigor, invention and imagination, incredible natural abilities.

Google

Topic: depression- is there any positive- beyondblue

Having said all that you are the first person that has highlighted to me the "Peter Pan syndrome". I say, as long as you possess life's challenges eg income, career, responsibilities...go for it. You are you. Such a personality could lead you to all sorts of career opportunities.

After all, the wiggles aren't politicians or accountants and big bird ...

tony WK

[white knight]

Hi Grapefruit

I forgot to mention. I once was a clown (Yobbo lol) and was a member of the "Moomba clown club" in the 1980's.

I met a lady there and she called herself "Mary-go-round". Dressed up to the hilt part clown part little girl in a frilly short dress and lots of colour. We chatted. She told me she was a primary school teacher and in her spare time she entertained for kids, home birthday parties and the like and was - living out her childhood.

Tony WK

[grapefruit]

hi tony wk!

75 cars! Wow such dedication! I’m glad you’ve been able to include your hobby all throughout adulthood.

It’s very inspiring to hear you say that strange and different people can make big changes to the world for the better.

In my case, the fear isn’t that I won’t be able to pursue childhood hobbies or dreams. It’s more that I’m afraid of growing at all. Hypothetically, I could drop all of my responsibilities and live the lifestyle of a child again, and it still wouldn’t help. Because the fear I have is not of external factors (job, college, relationships), I know those are things that everyone my age worries about. It’s about the act of growing older itself. I’m facing sheer existential terror, nothing more and nothing less. It’s strange and inexplicable, but that’s the best way I can describe it.

I don’t want to feel this way for the rest of my life though.

[white knight]

Hi Grapefruit

Perhaps professionals like psychs can unravel the mystery of your confition.

Some part of you seems stuck in a time warp. I havent witnessed that before though.

A GP visit is a start.

Tony WK

[grapefruit]

romantic_thi3f, good morning

Your situation does sounds quite similar to mine, even if it's not exactly the same. I'm sorry you had to suffer from trauma and grow up fast, and I hope you're doing ok now.

My childhood certainly wasn't great, and there have always been on-going issues, but I can't identify any earth-shattering trauma that could be the culprit. I'll do some digging around in my memory I guess! Thanks for the tip 🙂

-Grapefruit

[romantic_thi3f]

Hey grapefruit,

Good morning to you too!

That's okay; I'm glad that I was on the right track! I was worried I might have jumped the gun a little too much there.

I think trauma or no trauma - if it's something that resonates with you then you can still work with that! Yes - we'll be getting older and being more adult-y, but that doesn't necessarily mean it has to be a bad thing. There's a lot of aspects of being a kid that we can still bring with us (or even introduce). Perhaps you could tune in to what exactly you're afraid of. Is it the idea that you might have missed out on something? Or missing the days where you can play and run amuck? Or the fear of too many responsibilities? Or maybe missing out on having parents/family/etc to rely on and fall back to? Or perhaps it's the pressure of feeling like everyone has their life together? I think that once you're able to really identify it you can work with it and find a way to make things easier.

Hope this helps, 🙂