Panic Attack Trigger - specific person

[qwerty4321]

Hi all,

This all occurred months ago, although it's really starting to take its toll on me. A friend at the time decided to lecture me on my absence from social events in a very intimidating/threatening way, causing me to have a panic attack. Because of this I really just can't stand to see her, or I start shaking/crying/become a real mess/have a panic attack. My boyfriend still sees her occasionally, which upsets me and is causing more anxiety, which is starting to ruin our relationship. I know there is obviously more to this story, but I'm just looking at ways to cope with this at the moment. How can I be okay with my boyfriend wanting to spend time with a person that has hurt me/triggers anxiety? I can't stop them hanging out, but everytime they're together it just feels like a little stab in the back. It's like he is okay with the fact that it causes me pain, although I know he doesn't really understand anxiety.

Any suggestions/advice would be greatly appreciated!

[Zeal]

Hi qwerty,

Welcome to the forum!

This old friend was really insensitive, and I'm sorry to hear the incident caused a panic attack and emotional pain. This is a difficult situation, as your boyfriend is still obviously friends with this girl. Have you explained the entire situation to him, including how much her words upset you. Ask your boyfriend what he thinks about the situation, to let him know that you want to hear how he feels too. Be as calm as possible, and have this conversation with your boyfriend when you're both not stressed, tired or too busy. Good timing with conversations helps more than many people realise.

If you don't mind me asking, have you seen a doctor or mental health professional for your anxiety before? Going to your doctor (GP) for a referral to a counsellor or psychologist is a good option. If you ever need advice right away, you can call Beyondblue's 24/7 helpline on 1300 22 4636.

Here are two sites I recommend your boyfriend check out to better understand anxiety. The second one is not 100% accurate psychologically, but some of the points could be helpful.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/supporting-someone/supporting-someone-with-depression-or-anxiety

http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/13-things-remember-you-love-person-with-anxiety.html

Here are sites I recommend for you. You could add these to your computer favourites and refer to them when needed:

http://www.mindhealthconnect.org.au/

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=54

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=44

http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=46

It would be great to hear back from you 🙂

Best wishes,

Zeal

[qwerty4321]

Hi Zeal!

Thanks for the reply, I really appreciate those links you posted, especially the ones I can show my boyfriend.

I have had a conversation with him about it, but he truly just doesn't understand why I get so upset about it. He thinks I should just be able to forgive this friend... But it's a lot harder than that as I can't really control my reactions at the moment.

I have been to see a GP recently for the first time about anxiety, and they said that a mental health care plan is a good option, although I'm moving states in a couple months so it might not make sense to start it now. So I'm currently just researching and reading lots about it to try and understand it a bit better.

My boyfriend has never had to deal with any metal health issues before (lucky him), so I think he's struggling to understand how strange and irrational it all seems. Hopefully he'll pick up on it soon, but I know he's getting sick of seeing me upset and not knowing how to fix it.

Thank you for the advice!