Overwhelmed By Uni, Work, Future

[Crallop]

I'm 19 in my second semester of uni, doing courses that I love. And yet my anxiety has got to the point where I haven't been able to go to class, I haven't been able to do my online studies, I haven't even been able to start assignments due a week ago. I can't quit uni because I'll lose the government financial support and I won't even be able to make it up by working more because I just do not have the mental capacity to work more. I quit my second job, although I need the money, in the hopes that I could focus more on uni, but it hasn't helped.

I have goals and a future I aspire to and yet I can't start any of the steps that I know will get me there, like saving money, studying and managing my mental issues. I've dug into my meagre savings relentlessly over the last few weeks; I don't have the energy to make food so I get it from cafes or those food delivery services that I can't afford, I buy unnecessary things despite telling myself about what I want to save for. Its like I'm fighting with myself constantly over what I want versus feeling like I'll never get to it so why bother saving. Everything just feels overwhelmingly difficult, despite the fact that logically, my goals are attainable and if I was my usual self, not difficult at all.

I've isolated myself from my friends, I've isolated myself from my uni classmates, and I'm constantly thinking of ways to isolate myself from my family. I don't want to do any of this.

I'm working with a pscychologist but I can't get past this mental block that stops me from telling them everything that I want to. It feels like a physical block and it takes all of my energy just to get out a little bit. I don't have the energy or the will to do what they suggest no matter how much I want to.

I feel useless, empty and broken. I feel like I don't even exist anymore. I feel like I'm stuck floating around this space with everything I want just out of reach.

I'm sorry this was more of a rant than anything but I guess my questions at the end of it all is what do you do when it all feels like its falling to pieces around you? Are there avenues in uni that can force me to keep on top of it all? Because apparently I have no willpower of my own to keep me in check even when its about the things I want the most. How do I get everything I want to say out of my head?

[Sophie_M]

Hi Crallop,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for your bravery and openness in sharing here. It’s a really good place to have come to hear from others who understand what you’re going through. We can hear how difficult it has been lately, we’re so sorry that’s been going on.
It sounds like you’ve taken some really good steps in going to a psychologist.

We’d also really recommend calling the Beyond Blue on 1300 22 4636. The counsellors there are super kind and supportive, they’re understanding and can be good to talk to right in the midst of these feelings, or at any moment so that you can work out your next steps in getting more support together with them on the phone. You can also reach them via webchat 24/7.
If you’re feeling suicidal or are having thoughts about harming yourself, it's important that you take immediate steps to keep safe. If you feel unable to keep yourself from acting on your thoughts about suicide or self-harm this is an emergency and you need to call 000 (triple zero).

It also sounds like the Beyond Now suicide safety planning app may be a helpful resource to you. You can read about how it works and where to download it here: https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/beyondnow-suicide-safety-planning . You can even call Lifeline (131114) and compete it together with one of their counsellors over the phone

We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you, and we’re sure they’ll spot your post soon enough and have some kind words and understanding for you.

Kind regards,

Sophie M

[Crallop]

Thank you. I had a look at the app you mentioned and I’ll be taking a few more steps for help as well.

[Petal22]

Hi Crallop,

Im sorry you are feeling this way.

Anxiety can be really hard to deal with Im sorry to hear that it’s causing you so much distress.

You really can learn to manage it.

Have you thought about going to your gp and discussing how you are currently feeling and how anxiety is affecting your life?

Just try to breath, I can hear that you have alot going on inside your mind.

Practice mindful breathing 

Close your eyes 

Put your attention on your breath 

Notice the rise and fall of your chest

Just follow your breath 

Its ok, you will be ok, everything will work out.

I don’t believe you need to quit uni but I do believe that you need to learn how to manage your anxiety and you really can obtain this.

Once you can learn to manage your anxiety with professional help uni will still be there and you will be better equipped to handle the anxiety.

Rome wasn’t built in a day just like we need to grow from the inside out…… it all takes time.

We are here as a community to support you.

Just give yourself some space and breathe 

[Crallop]

Thank you so much for your response. It’s comforting, and I’ll keep working through everything and hope you’re right 🙂

[Petal22]

That’s ok Crallop, I’m glad I have been able to give you some comfort.

I understand you are finding it difficult to tell your phycologist everything you described it as a mental block.

I’m here if you want to talk to me about what you are finding hard to tell your phycologist, maybe we can both find a way to help you so you can open up to your phycologist.

I just wanted to tell you a bit about me … I have a lived experience of severe anxiety OCD this condition was the hardest thing that I have ever been through but I made it …. I’ve been recovered now for many years.

Part of the reason I have reached recovery is because of the professional help I received… 

The other part of the reason I reached recovery was because of the hard work I put in …..

I learned so much from my clinical psychologist, psychiatrist and my group therapy….. all of these things combined gave me the tools and strategies I needed to be able to “manage” and then master my condition.

It was a journey but a journey that I gained a lot from.

My condition consisted with alot of intrusive thoughts that I found very distressing they would turn my anxiety up to severe levels.

I didn’t understand what I was going through at the time I felt very unlike myself and I felt like I was lost in a nightmare that I was living every day.

My anxiety and intrusive thoughts also tried to make me isolate from my loved ones but I pushed back at it and wouldn’t let it win.

I liked to think of my anxiety and OCD as a mirage, you can push through mirages.

You too can push back at your anxiety…. Take a stand..

Can I ask why apparently you have no will power? 

Please come back to me when you feel ready.

[sbella02]

Crallop,

Thank you so much for sharing your experience with us, we warmly welcome you to the forums. I can see the pain and frustration in your writing, it's understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed given the circumstances that you have described. I would also like to let you know that your feelings are valid, and can be a common experience for many university students. 

Would you feel comfortable exploring the social side of your uni? In terms of clubs that grab your attention, or perhaps any programs to do with your course or any of your hobbies/interests, have you had much exposure to these kinds of extracurricular activities? These can be a great way to get involved with the uni community and build both your social network, confidence, and even motivation, particularly for the more study-focused activities. Social support can also be a protective factor when it comes to mental health, so it's important to surround yourself with people who you feel comfortable with.

If you don't feel comfortable having a look into the clubs or groups that may be available, that's okay. 

Have you tried journalling? Sometimes it can be useful to consolidate your feelings in a written form, as you have done here on the forums. It can help a lot with introspection and self-discovery, as we come to understand how our mind responds to certain events and situations. It can also be therapeutic to express our more difficult feelings and emotions in this way, particularly if we don't feel comfortable talking to others about them. Pursuing any other hobbies or passions that you may have can also be a great way of processing your feelings and nurturing your mind.

I've recently put up a vision board in my room, and for me it's been useful to have little motivational quotes and manifestations on there. Words can have a lot of power in our lives, and the way we talk to and think about ourselves can impact our perceptions greatly. As someone who perpetually struggles with motivation, self-esteem and social withdrawal, I've found that regularly repeating phrases like "I am strong" or "I am confident" can actually make quite a big difference to my own mental health.

I hope this advice is somewhat helpful, and I wish you all the best. Please reach out some more if you need, we're here for you. 

Take care, SB