Over thinking and anxiety. I need advice on coping

Taylajae · ‎06-02-2018

I have anxiety and i over think alot. About two months ago i thought the penny had dropped and i finally thought i had learnt to cope and deal with it. Recently my nan had passed away and ive become very unhappy with my job. Im in a relationship and i feel that my anxiety and over thinking is starting to effect my relationship. My partner is a very happy go lucky kind of guy so when i get upset i feel like i bring him down. I can catch my self over thinking but the emotions still flood. I get worried that he will leave me. Ive had some pretty crappy relationships but with him i feel as though i have found the one and the thought of ruining that scares me. I just want to be the best partner i can be and manage my anxiety and over thinking so i can go back to the happy fun loving woman i was. I do talk to him about things at times but i often feel as though i am a bother so i try to deal with the small things on my own so i dont worry him. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

2scared123 · ‎06-02-2018

Taylajae. I know exactly how you feel. My anxiety is out of control too and as for my boyfriend we live together but we dont even talk. He cant handle my anxiety and emotions so i stopped talking to him. I needed to talk about deeper stuff than just whats on tv.. what do you want to eat etc.. boring everyday stuff... But he doesnt want to and we argue everytime. So now ive just been shutting up and not talking to him because i really dont know what else to say to him and i think he likes it like that better. I love him i think but i cant live like this but at the same time i tried to leave just after new years and it blew up in my face. I couldnt even get out of the house to go to shops to buy food because i was in constant anxiety. I too really need to put into practice the coping strategies too. Ive just been reading online thay emotions are just chemicals and we have the power to control them... APPARENTLY HEY.. if only it was THAT EASY.. sorry i cant give much advice but i certainly know how you feel & offer moral support.

Josh_K_B · ‎06-02-2018

Hi Taylajae,

Thank you for your post.

I'm sorry to hear that you are having difficulties in controlling your anxiety.

It sounds like you have already made several positive in-roads in regards to how you deal with your mental health. I have felt the same in the sense of the 'penny dropping' scenario, as well as the disappointment when you find yourself losing control again.

Please try not to be too hard on yourself for this, it is natural to experience a relapse.

I believe what makes each future relapse different, is the way in which we deal with it and more importantly how we learn from it.

Taylajae said: My partner is a very happy go lucky kind of guy so when i get upset i feel like i bring him down. I can catch my self over thinking but the emotions still flood.

I mentioned this in a previous post, but I get that A LOT too and liken it to the feeling of having contagious negative thoughts that I don't want to INFECT my wife with, as well as my closest friends and family.

Feeling apprehensive in talking to anyone, particularly your partner, about your mental health is a completely natural response. Particularly when you are in the depths of a depressive/anxiety episode.

The majority of your concerns you have with your partner potentially leaving you are more than likely a manifestation of your anxiety... They usually are for me anyway!

They could know you through and through, but sometimes it can be nigh impossible to convey your inner monologue without your partner needing to translate, at least some of it, for themselves.

For my wife and I, I don't expect her to fully understand, more so I just want her to sometimes lie down with me in my dark room and continue to remind me that everything will be okay and that these feelings don't last forever..

I have known my wife for 16 years, yet understably, she still struggles from time to time in dealing with me during an 'episode'...

I guess what I'm trying to convey to you is that: no matter how well you know and understand each other, you and your partner will sometimes struggle with translating each of your concerns.

The most important thing is that you communicate to your partner and vica versa.

I find that when I am open with my wife, when I feel like I'm losing control, the anxiety associated with their reaction to my episode is substantially less, because at the bare minimum, she at least knows that I am not feeling 100%..

I hope this helps.

Take care,

Josh 🙂

rdfreak · ‎06-02-2018

Hello Taylajae, I'm also the queen of overthinking; know how that is. 😞

I'm sure your boyfriend wouldn't want you to suffer in silence; afterall, that is an aspect of a relationship where you can share any and everything.

Best

Chloe_M · ‎05-04-2018

Hi Taylajae,

I too suffer anxiety. I overthink everything and I over-analyse everyone's actions. My friends don't really know what to do to help me, and my ex, who is also my best friend, sometimes doesn't even talk to me because seeing me anxious/depressed/upset hurts him (he apparently still loves me).

To help deal with my anxiety and sadness, I use this handy little strategy thing. It might not work for you, so don't worry if it doesn't, but give it a try.

Construct a table with four columns. In the first column, write the heading Situation. In the next, write Emotions. In the third, Thoughts, and in the fourth, Alternative Thoughts. Under Situation, write the situation or thing that is making you anxious. In Emotions, write down how this situation makes you feel and how your body reacts to that physically (e.g sweating, shaking, hyperventilating, crying etc). Under Thoughts, write down the intrusive/anxious thoughts. Finally, under Alternative Thoughts, write down any thoughts that don't make you anxious that you could think instead.

Remember that there will always be someone who cares and is willing to help you.

Chloe_M