Not sure what to do

[Some_guy]

Hi all, I'm new to this thread

I'm not really sure what I'm doing on this site but I thought it'd be a good place to vent. Recently I have been feeling overwhelmingly lonely and depressed. I have always been like this but recently it is too much. My whole life I had been alone. About a year ago I got out of a long term relationship. The relationship lasted 3 years. Before her, I just felt like I was just a broken person. I had no real friends after or during high school. I'd go weeks without talking to anyone or even leaving the house. I had no motivation or drive to do anything because I didn't think my life could be anything different. But anyway, once I met this girl and eventually got into this relationship. I thought everything would be better, and it was for a while but I was still broken. Eventually We moved into a house together.. But I had trouble getting my life together (finding work and getting my license) I was basically living off her.. I tried to do what I can. But I hated myself for what I did to her and what I couldn't bring myself to do. There is alot more to this but eventually I just got worse and she left me. I understand why she did, she had to. I don't hate her for it but It nearly killed me at the time. She was all I had.

she really did love me, her family treated me like part of their own. we had this whole life planned out. We were kind of engaged and we even talked about having kids.. And I messed it up..

After it ended I hit rock bottom. I was suicidal but I couldn't do it. I felt weak because of It. I decided I needed to do something. It was either going to destroy me or change me. And it did change me. I put myself out there, got diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety. Got help with that (medication and therapy) studied for a while, made some friends, even had a couple of other girlfriends. I got a job out of what I studied and am getting my license in a few weeks (after 6 years) But after all I had gone through, thinking I had gotten better. I now feel I am back where I started.. I have no friends. My family isn't a family. I sit around all day trying to waste time. And I don't know what to do? I don't know where to go from here. I don't think I will ever get over my depression but this loneliness, it's killing me. I'm really trying to meet new people but no matter what, nothing is changing. For the last few months my life has been nothing but me working and waiting for something more. I don't know what to do.

[MarkJT]

Some guy, welcome to the forums and well done for reaching out. Takes courage to do it and you have done it.

As you seen to have relapsed quite significantly, have you been back to your psych to have a review of your medication and mental health plan? I would well recommend that you do this. You have got your life together before, there is nothing to say that you cannot do it again.

Create some good habits for yourself. It takes 21 days to create one. Could you as soon as you wake up undertake a promise to yourself that you are going to go for a walk or a run. Do this every morning and then when you get home, do some mindfulness. If you continually do this, it will create a habit. Once this habit is established, undertake a promise to do another one - something that makes you feel good. It is the small things we have to do right and once we are doing these right, our recoveries work so much better.

Perhaps give the beyondblue helpline a ring on 1300 224 636 and talk things over. You may be able to get some really good advice from them.

You are in a rut and as i said before you have been in this before, you can get out of them.

Please book in to see the GP or the psych to have your meds reviewed and create some good healthy habits.

Life has been hard to you so far, i think it is time that life throws you some good vibes.

Cheers

Mark

[Dorian_Gray]

I hear you Some Guy,

When I lost my Lady, I lost everything, every hope, dream, plan, and like you am left without friends or family to help. And a life where all you really have is work, waiting for something to change, I’ve been there for two years or so now.

Loneliness is crushing, what I’ve come to understand about it though, it loneliness is not the absence of just any relationship, but of a specific kind of fulfilling relationship, no matter how many other types you get (friends etc.) it’s probably not going to substitute for what you miss with your former Lady very long…perhaps a few months, who knows, but in the end…iron sulfide is no gold.

Sounds like you’re also feeling some major guilt for being ‘broken’, which you eally shouldn’t be...it’s not your fault you tended, even before her, to loneliness and depression and low motivation, that is the result of you’re a) genetics b) urture in the first 7 or so years of your life – you are not responsible, and have control over neither of these things, so I urge you try not to feel guilty or bad about it, for such hatred turned inward, whilst it can be a motivator some, to others is an unconquerable foe.

If I had a suggestion it might be to use this time to build resources, financial, material and skills, so that should you get the chance again, you won’t make the same mistakes you did last time around, it won’t solve your loneliness, but it might provide a direction and distraction for a time.

Doubt I’ve helped much, but here’s hoping for you.

[Demi1]

Hey Some Guy, it's lovely to meet you. Thank you so much for having the courage to post and share this segment of your life with us. I know right now it is hard, you're lonely and it seems like everything is falling apart, but I want you to understand that this time, right now, is merely a stage in your life. I know right now it may seem as if you are at your lowest, but I want you to understand that we all feel that way at some point. There will always be a point where in our lives when it seems as though we've hit rock bottom, but with time, patience and a routine that establishes some calming habits (as Mark has suggested,) you can start fresh, and live the life you want to, and until then, we're all here for you; you're not alone despite how you may be feeling, we're here to listen when you're ready to talk.

Hope today is a better one,

Demi x

[Some_guy]

Thank you all for the advice and understanding.

To markJT. I am going to make an appointment to see my doctor and see if I can go on anti depressants again. I know it's not a fix all but it helps me relax and not stress so much. And I will try your suggestions

To dorian_gray. That is basically exactly what I'm feeling. And your suggestion is what I am working towards. It was all very helpful

To demi1, I get what you mean but I don't feel like it is just it is just a part of my life. I can't remember a time where I haven't felt alone and left out. I feel like it's just the way my life is. I just have trouble understanding why I have to be alone

I really appreciate having you people to open up to. I'm not good at explaining what I'm going through but I am trying

[MarkJT]

Some guy, that is fantastic that you are heading back to the GP to see what you can do. That is taking control of your life and that is courage. Love it massive. It can be all to easy to stay within the ruts we get in and just let life go by. There is so much more to life than that so it makes me so very happy that you are taking matters into your own hands.

Keep opening up in the forums mate, it is a highly supportive place.

Cheers

Mark.

[Demi1]

Hey again Some Guy 🙂

How are you going today? I'm sorry to hear you think this is more than a stage; you're definitely not alone in thinking that. I hope by posting regularly on this forum you not only find comfort and support but a safe space to share whatever is on your mind. Like I said before, we are here for you/ will check in. And if you ever need to talk immediately just call 1300 22 4636 and someone WILL be there for you 🙂

Please keep us updated, let me know how it goes with the GP (if you are comfortable enough to do so.) I am also currently taking anti-depressants (for the second time this year) and understand that they can knock you about a bit in the beginning; so if you would like to talk about that I'm here/ can definitely relate.

Hope today was a better day,

Demi x