No Motivation and Feeling Emotionally Numb

[Bluebird2492]

I have never sought help before - I'm a 23 year old who has always pushed through my limitations. I know I have anxiety/stress - I do have anxiety attacks where I can't breath. I always push through, because in my family there is no room for this kind of feeling. But my normal high stress overdrive I have been living in constantly for at least four years has transformed into something I can't cope with. Feeling absolutely and utterly numb. Nothing charges my emotions - I am a void of dark bitterness, and its affect me terribly (my friends or lack of friends, my relationship, my humour, my drive/will power, my dedication to succeed & my uni).

I think the transformation was triggered recently - I'm doing a masters in environmental management but I see no point to it anymore, a lot of this has to do with my on-off job lifestyle for the last four years. It has contained me from even considering my money as something to promote fun - I haven't had a 'holiday' in 7 years, I don't buy anything unless absolutely necessary because the money is expenses and safety net. I'm starting a new job and I feel nothing towards it - no excitement, not even anxiety just a 'meh' feeling. I have no charge for my field (environmental) because it is impossible to find a job that just feels like it fits me. My last job burnt me out, put stress on my relationship and left me a deflated husk on a chair for a week. I have no motivation to care about this new job or my life - I'm not even sure where I want to be in my life anymore. I just feel empty.

I used to love painting, acting (drama), and absolutely adore writing. My partner is making me write a novel to keep me up beat because its the only thing that I feel any emotion towards. But because of my masters I lack time to pursue these activities. I know I am a motivated, in charge type of person - but my life seems so very dull, empty and not worthwhile I do wonder if simply locking the door and never going out again is a possibility. I'm trying to ignore it and convince myself this is how life is...but I don't want it to feel this way anymore. Is my career/job life always going to feel so limited, am I always going to feel numb like my emotional insides are repressed in a jar? How do I kick some motivation back in?

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[Narniakid]

Hi Bluebird2492, welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing with us.

A lack of motivation is something I see quite often half-through college and uni degrees, and sometimes it can be because the stressful environment of assessments, essays and deadlines takes the fun out of the topic or subject for you. How is your time management towards your studies? Are you having enough down-time to just chill out and watch some TV? I can't stress enough how important down time is, particularly during stressful exam periods. 

What I would suggest is to get out and try something new - join a club, do some volunteer work, pick up a sport, or even do something out there (like I did) and start doing shifts at a community radio station. You need to get some sparks flying and some adrenaline pumping - it sounds like you've been stuck in the same routine for a while, and while I applaud you for sticking out your degree and saving money, too much of the same thing sometimes isn't good for us.

Make a mood board of things you'd like to buy, places you'd like to go, and photos of people that bring you joy (search mood board on Pinterest) and hang it in your room or near your work space to help you re-evaluate some goals and remind you why you're marching through the battlefield.

Remember there is always the option of seeing your GP for some advice and perhaps a professional diagnosis and treatment options. And there's nothing wrong with needing some help - we encourage it here.

Hold your head up high, and let me know how you're going.

Crystal