Its a cycle...

[isy_73]

Hi everyone! Lately I haven't been too well. My best friend has anxiety and depression, but it runs in my family too. This year is stressful for me so I've been experiencing panic attacks and with a lot going on, I've also been feeling very depressed. It's on and off though but sometimes it lasts long periods (if that makes sense...) and there are many factors that trigger it back. I feel like I'm very emotionally unstable because of this so one bad thing happens and my world crashes down and I remember all the other stuff and I feel awful. I isolate myself from my friends. I don't tell anyone anything because I feel like my other friends won't understand and will just brush it off, but some times I just really need some support. Some nights I just cry!!! My best friend suffering from mental illness also, I tried to talk to her about the panic attacks I've been having, and she kind of just hovered and didn't say anything and acted awkward. I'd like to be able to open up to someone because I just really need some support but I feel I don't trust my friends well enough and my mum wants me to focus on other things but I haven't told her the half of it so she doesn't understand that my mental wellbeing is a flow-on effect to these other things like school....

My best friend because she has anxiety too, but worse than me, lacks in confidence and its quite triggering for me. All our outings have to involved getting all dressed up with heaps of makeup and always getting new outfits. This isn't really teaching me to be confident in myself and it actually makes me feel very self conscious and down in the dumps :(. I know it might sound silly but it's actually something I've been struggling with for a long time because I have 0 confidence and low self esteem. This is a really negative influence in my life but I don't know what to do. Should I tell her i'd like to take some time to think because I have some things going on, and maybe keep my distance? It doesn't make me feel good about myself at all and makes me feel worthless.

 I wish I had some friends I could talk to about this. I hope you guys understand! some days I just want to take a week off school and just refresh because mental health has a flow on effect to other things so never postpone renewing your mental health (as some people are trying to tell me to do). I just need to escape!

I hope you have a lovely day everyone. Sending hugs xoxoxo

[White_Rose]

Dear Isy

Thank you for your post and welcome to Beyond Blue. You are struggling with your depression and it is hard to make headway on your own. Your parents and friends are obvious supports but I am presuming you are reluctant to open up fully to them because they may be shocked/disapproving/scared/disinterested. These are common reactions but not very helpful for you.

You refer to school so I gather you still attend school. Are there school counselors or chaplains there? Chaplains are not allowed to preach religion, only to help you with the difficulties you have. I suggest having a chat with them. Alternatively you could visit your family GP for a talk about what's happening to you. It is important you speak to someone who has expertise in this area. Friends, however close and willing to talk, do not usually have the knowledge and skills to support you. If they have mental health problems of their own it is even more difficult.

At the top of the page are two tabs, The Facts and Resources. Click on these and you will be able to access information about depression and anxiety. It is good to be as informed as possible. You can download this information or ask BB to post the booklets and fact sheets to you.

It would be useful to explain to one or other parent how you feel but I understand this is not always easy.

All the emotions you describe are part of depression, unfortunately. When you have a panic attack it can be overwhelming. Try to remember to take a few deep breaths and sit down. Visualise yourself in a little boat floating down a stream and see your panic on the riverbank getting annoyed because it cannot reach you. You are gently floating away out of reach. Another visualisation is to think of your panic as a giant screw inside you. It is twisting away and causing pain. See your hands hold the screw and start to twist it in the opposite direction so that it leaves your body. Practice these or similar scenarios when you feel well so they are easier to do when panic hits you.

When you feel bad try phoning the BB helpline on 1300 22 4636, or the Kid's Helpline on 1800 55 1800. There is also the Kids Helpline website www.kidshelp.com.au You can visit Headspace, the National Youth Mental Health Foundation on www.headspace.org.au

Most of all, know that you are not alone. I have only a few words left. Please write in again and I will talk with you.

Mary

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi isy_73,

Welcome and thanks for reaching out to BB.

It sounds like it's been really rough lately and I'm glad that you posted.

I totally agree with Mary (above) that it would be really helpful to have a chat to someone about what's going on for you.  The good thing about counsellors and things is that they are non-judgemental, so they won't hoover and be awkward and you don't have to worry about talking to little or too much! It's just someone who you can feel comfortable chatting with knowing that it's about you. 🙂

It's also okay if you want or don't want to talk to your mum more about it.  I know that it can be really hard sometimes because it never feels like anybody understands so it just comes down to who you feel comfortable with. If you have a school counsellor you could give it a go and your mum wouldn't have to know if you didn't want her too.

I think that you are a really good friend by being there for your friend with anxiety.  I get that it's a bit hard but maybe instead of seeing her less you could do different things with her - so maybe instead of all getting dressed up, you could take it easy and just see a movie or a pyjama party or do some baking inside. That way you can still be there for her but it wouldn't be making you feel crappy about yourself?  I'm sure the counsellor might have some ideas too.

I hope this helps a little!  and know that you are definately not alone! 

Big hugs back! 

🙂