Can't move anymore, can't breathe.

[Winchester]

I've lived with depression all my life. I've managed to keep it under control all my life, but everything is falling apart, & has been for a while. I'm 23, have no job, spend all day, everyday by myself, in bed, watching TV. My friends don't have time for me in their lives & I haven't got anyone who cares enough to notice or listen. The past week I've been drowning & I can't do it for much longer. I can't seem to get myself out of the house. I've always thought I could keep this under control, but I can't. My mind is going crazy, & I feel like I can't move, but my blood is rushing. I know I need to get help, but my brain isn't letting me make myself better. I feel like I don't deserve to be a valid member of society, that I'm too useless & pathetic, someone regular people look down on. No one wants to be around me because my personality can be very over bearing, so I'm devoid of human contact all day. My mother doesn't pay much attention to me being there, so I'm on my phone a lot. But the past week I'm not even able to pick up a book & read it. I'm just sitting or laying there, freaking out at my problems & life, not wanting to be here, feeling anxiety.

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[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Winchester,

Welcome to BB and thank you for posting.

I'm so glad that you reached out to us so that you can have me and other people remind you that you are worth so much more than you give yourself credit for.  You are not useless and pathetic.  In fact, you're the opposite.  You're also brave.  Brave because it takes guts to post on here and brave because even though you don't want to pick up a book, you still want to reach out and post.  That's brave, and that's courage.  So be proud of yourself.

The thing about depression is that it can be a really nasty cycle - of feeling crappy and not doing much which leads to feeling crappy and not doing much.  It's really hard to break but reaching out and saying something is not right is always the first step.  

Have you seen a counsellor or psychologist before?  How would you feel about talking to them again/or seeing one?

I also think that it's important to remember that you are cared about and you are loved - even if you can't see it, even if you think that you are too overbearing.  I know this because depression did the same thing to me too; it kind of forces me to see things in a really negative way which might not be true at all.  But this is why seeing a counsellor can help, because it can help you see that there is a bigger picture and that you deserve more - better relationships, work/study and that you are capable of getting there.

I hope this helps.  Keep fighting and know that you can ring the BeyondBlue support line for more help 🙂

[SeanM92]

Hey there, 

First of all, good on you for finding the will to come and post to us, it can be a hard thing to do but more often then not, it does help.

Sorry to hear that your stuck in such a state, lets try and find a way to get you out aye 🙂

I want to say, if you haven't ever seen professional help for this before maybe now would be a good idea, even just a GP if your not feeling that counselling will help or that your not ready as a GP can offer anti-depressants.

Its important to remember as well that even when it seems know one cares or it gets so hard that you think it cant get worse, just keep in mind that your not alone in this, there are many more people who feel the same and are also looking for other people like them to help each other.

good on you for reaching out and dont be afraid to keep seeking help
Take care and good luck

[Narniakid]

Hi Winchester! Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing with us.

I am sorry to hear you're feeling like this, but remember that what you feel isn't necessarily a fact; just because you feel worthless does not mean you are. You are so much more than your emotions. You have the power to do and change anything, and right now you just need some extra support to do those things, and that's perfectly okay, in fact, it's human. You've done a great job coming on here for some support, and I applaud you for that; the first step to recovery is recognising you have a problem, and accepting it.

I definitely recommend you take a trip to your local GP for a professional diagnosis and some treatment options. Keep a diary of what you do each day and how you feel, and I also suggest keeping a mood chart (google 'black dog mood chart' and download the PDF) to take in to your GP. This will help them get a better idea of your lifestyle and your thinking habits, and recognise patterns in your behaviour.

I also want you to keep yourself busy - draw, read, sew, paint, wash your car, do some housework, join a sporting team, go for a walk, do a short course online (see Open2Study for free certified courses, they're great!), sign up for some volunteer work - the options are endless. Keeping yourself busy not only is an excellent distraction, you can learn things and widen your experiences.

Remember that negative thoughts are just reactions to fear and anxiety thrives on avoidance. Keep us up to date, and stay strong.

Crystal