New here and just want to let out some thoughts

[Cron_Crust]

Hi,

As I’ve mentioned this is my first time posting on a forum. Um, so I just wanted to talk about mood swings and how it’s affecting my life so far.

I’m at uni currently and just switched courses because my previous one made me so miserable, mostly because of my fluctuating mood. I couldn’t bring myself to do much work on most days because my mind was filled with thoughts about how I don’t deserve to be there and how I’m not capable enough.

I should probably mention that I have experienced these thoughts for many years and have had mood swings for the same amount. I initially chalked it down to hormones seeing how it coincided with my teenage years but later on I began to think that maybe that’s not it. At one point in the last few years, I found myself attending therapy where I was diagnosed with mild depression.

My main concern is with my studies, because I’ve become avoidant of my responsibilities towards my degree because well... it scares me. I want to go on to study educational psychology myself in the future (hopefully) but my mental health may become an issue as it’s stood in the way of my passion before.

I really would like to get better but I just don’t know how. If anyone could share strategies that have worked for them or someone they know I’d greatly appreciate it.

[Tay100]

Hi Cron_Crust

I'm sorry to hear that you have been feeling this way- we are glad you found this forum, which can be a great step in addressing these feelings. You sound like you really want to work through them so you can progress with your degree and your career, despite how low and avoidant you feel at present.

Using this thread can be a great strategy, firstly- articulating your feelings and your story about your mild depression as you have done can be helpful. This is a safe space where people seek out strategies and healthy coping mechanisms. So I'll add one to start: get fresh air and engage in joyful movement! This can increase your health and overall wellbeing and mood. Start small- it doesn't need to be elaborate. Let me know if you'd like to brainstorm anything else with you- I'd be happy to help.

Tay100

[Cron_Crust]

Hi Tay100,

Thank you so much for replying to my post. Honestly, I wasn't sure if I should write on here but seeing how supportive the forums are, I just thought I should give it a try. Thank you again for being so kind.

Also, I have been getting fresh air and more sun recently since the covid restrictions have eased up. I have been trying to practice journaling nearly every day so I can examine my thoughts and see patterns in my thinking. My therapist had mentioned questioning my negative thoughts which I am trying to do as well. Asking questions about my thoughts has helped me such as when I find myself going through the same feelings over and over again. But when I try to study the thoughts come back so still trying to work on that.

I'd be glad to brainstorm with you if you're okay with that and with anyone else on here too. Let me know how I can help you guys too.

Cron_Crust

[Tay100]

Hi Cron_Crust

No worries, we are here to help- this is a caring, non-judgemental space.

Journalling is underrated, it's a shame, but I'm glad to hear it works for you. Also that your therapist is helping you manage your everyday thoughts. And yeah, studying or doing other 'boring' things can make those thoughts return, that's a very normal but sneaky thing our minds do.

Maybe our brainstorm, as you requested, can start there- what to do when these thoughts creep in when we are studying or not engaged/distracted enough when doing something.

- Do something enjoyable for 5 mins like watching a funny video to steady our feelings and then go back to studying

-Do some breathe counting for a similar effect

-Make your study engrossing so you can concentrate on that- use colours and flashcards or a cool note-taking software. Something that makes study hold all your attention so negative thoughts cant creep in when you are distracted.

What do you think?

Tay100

[Cron_Crust]

Hi Tay 100,

Thanks for replying back, so sorry it’s taken a couple of days to get back to you.

I’ve tried the strategies you mentioned in the past and still continue to do them. They do succeed in keeping me sane.

I also have some news to share, I’d been meaning to sign up to my uni mental health course and writing workshop for a while and finally managed to do so. I also completed an assessment that I was satisfied with because I did the best I could manage for now.

These may seem small, but it’s a huge step for me to work up the courage to ask for help. I hope this is an encouragement to other people in this group as well to know that you can win sometimes too.

Let me know if I can be of any support to you as well. I’d love to listen to you about anything that’s been on your mind ( but only if you feel comfortable sharing)

Take care,

Cron_Crust

[Tay100]

Hi Cron_Crust

No worries at all...You reply in your time!

The strategies are classics, I'm glad they work- always happy to think of more! It's amazing what people have thought of!

I'm happy to hear that you felt personal satisfaction with your assessment and that you have the mental health workshop to look forward too. As you say, small wins are possible for everyone!

It's also so lovely that you are willing to provide time and space yourself if anyone wants to share anything as well- that's what makes this community so great. For me, just counting down the days until the lockdown is over! I've been employing a few of the strategies we brainstormed earlier myself, and there's lots of sunshine today, so that's something!

Keep in touch if you like!

Tay100

[Jasjit]

Hi Con_Crust

Welcome to BeyondBlue online forums and thanks for sharing your story with me.

After reading your several posts, I still believe that you will become the best educational psychologist! Why? From all your posts - I have noticed that you are very open and honest, this shows me you have insight into what is bothering you. So well done on that!!

Well, coincidently I was in the same boat!! During my childhood and adolescence, I suffered terribly from social anxiety, generalized anxiety, fear from the future, eating disorders, depression, and that had a profound impact when I started my university. I also went into psychology and completed my bachelors but I just drifted myself - I did not enjoy every bit of it because I was avoiding my responsibilities, like studying for 40 hours per week since, I was a full-time student!! Why? Well, I did not address my inner issues first. From there I also started becoming scared from the future.

But one day it hit me really hard when I was rejected from my Honours program because of low GPA! From there I started something completely new! I started to visualize myself - that what do I want to become! If I want to become Dr. Clinical Psychologist, someone who treats people - needs to know him or herself inside and out.

I did not know myself - so I made a lifestyle change! I completely went whole foods plant based, started exercising every day (weightlifting) - burning all the excess fat that I had gained from my eating disorder throughout my school and start of uni. As well as I started incorporating meditation/yoga lifestyle changes.

Now I have completely reversed all my mental illnesses and currently, I am completing GDPA (4th-year psychology honors) with flying colors. I am starting to enjoy every moment. Because after a lifestyle change I have started to connect myself and know myself inside and out.

This is what has worked for me. But long story short, tell me what scares you about the future? Is it the job? Is it work? Or long-term committment?

[Cron_Crust]

Hi Tay100,

Yes, Covid-19 has really taken a toll on us all for sure. Hopefully, the restrictions have eased up a bit where you live. This is a little bit off-topic but something I've been grateful for these days is the chance to see my friends again after nearly a semester and a bit of not seeing anyone outside of my family in-person. I hope that you are able to stay safe (and sane) during these challenging times.

It's so great that you're getting some sun, it's so lovely since spring is 'round the corner. Speaking of strategies, I've also found mindfulness meditation quite helpful. 'Smiling mind' has some meditations targeting particular age groups and situations, it really helps me to calm my mind when my thoughts feel too loud.

But something that's been bothering me is that I don't often have so many good days, and when I do the dark ones are worse because the disappointment of succumbing to depression stings more. But I'm going to have to try and keep my mood stable because it's better to take responsibility now even if its hard rather than face the consequences later... I'm sorry about the pessimism.

I'd love to keep chatting more with you if that's okay. I've found this thread very supportive and helpful and would love to keep chatting whenever I can.

Take care,

Cron_Crust

[Cron_Crust]

Hi Jasjit,

Thanks for replying on this thread, I think I've seen you on a few others as I was scrolling by. Your optimism is something I admire. You flatter me, for thinking I am capable of being an educational psychologist and for that I thank you. I think you'd be a lovely psychologist too!

Good job on getting into your honours year! I hear that's very hard to get into. Might I ask which branch of psychology you plan to do your master's in? Also, good on you for making those changes in your life. I have to say, hearing stories about people you are succeeding in what they are doing is very encouraging.

As for your questions, I would say all of above scare me. I have quite a neurotic personality and find the future, the job and commitment (to a lesser extent) stressful. I'm quite indecisive as well so there's that as well but it's been better over the past few months. Thankfully and fortunately, I have a good support network which eases my worries.

Take care,

Cron_Crust

[Tay100]

Hi Cron_Crust

You can, of course, keep using this thread to chat with myself and others, there's a great dialogue starting, so yay!

Yes we are being safe and biding our time, just a waiting game now! We can pull through!

Smiling Mind is great, they are very inclusive and accessible. Found any other good resources lately?

Also, I understand what you mean about having to manage your mood before things go south, many people relate to this management strategy. Taking responsibility and agency over our feelings and actions can be very empowering. That's how I try and frame it, at least. It's not pessimistic, it's practical. Part of that is realising is that we have to take the (sometimes rare) small wins, and not let the disappointment of a bad mental health day disrupt our taking control and progress overall. Just implement a strategy to get us back on track. Hope that makes sense!

Tay100