Needing advice on relationship

[Ocean]

Its a tricky one and its starting to make me feel crazy. I have been dating my bf for a year and a half and he has had this prob From the beginning when i talk to him about something he looks away or speaks pver the top of me about something totally different or when i bring up something i find interesting he walks away into the kitchen. Last night i talked about a book im reading and something in the book I found interesting, i was trying to talk and he just walked away into the laundry and said “can you help me”…. So i just said why cant you engage and listen and then we can get to this, you make me feel like you dont care and you are not even listening. So he shut down, put a wall up and didnt speak to me the rest of the night. I finally built the balls tp say hey can we talk, and he said “when i grew up my mum always picked things about my dad and i hated it, i dont want you telling me things you dont like” and i responded with this is basic communication and this is how we fix things and basically turned the whole thing on me how he feel not good enough and i ended up crying and apologising, now he went to work today, hasnt talked to me. Makes me feel crazy and thinking omg is it my fault? 

[Scared]

Its not your fault.

Communication between couples is essential for a healthy relationship.

If your feeling its your fault then that can affect your own self worth.

You are not his dad nor are you responsible for your partners dislike of talking about problems.  This is his hangup and he has no right to make you feel bad for you communicating to the one you love.  You also have the right to ask him not to walk away whilst you are speaking and you have as much right to be heard as he does. When someone stops talking in defense of an issue this can be seem as passive form of aggression.   Your partner needs some counselling or at least needs to start some form of wanting to learn to communicate.  Fast forward 10 years and this will just be the norm for your life.

You need to decide is this what you want in a relationship.  I think you did the right thing in bringing this important subject up with your partner.

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[Ocean]

Thank you for the reply. This is exactly how i felt but it was hard to put into words last night. Communication is so important but he thinks its just picking on him. Ive been thinking is this something i really want but then i think its not that bad of a fault, no one is perfect. But then i think damn its annoying. Its so hard going over and over in my head 

[Scared]

Everyone is different

For some talking is most important language of love

For others its not and intimacy is most important

Everyone has needs that need fulfilled 

You will work out whats important to you in your own time.