FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Announcement Icon
You can win one of three $200 gift cards. Complete our survey by 5pm, 30 June 2024 AEST to enter the draw. Your response will be anonymous so you can't be identified.

Need help to get over someone.

ceoofoverthinking
Community Member

hey there! I’m a 19 yo asking for advice on how to get over someone. 

So over a year ago I met this guy in my first year of uni. I went to an all girls high school so I had zero experience with dating and flirting.

 

This guy asked me out a few weeks after we met. I said yes. The date went really well, but I also wasn’t sure what a good date or a good connection was supposed to feel like due to my lack of experience. I ended up pushing him away, saying it was the wrong timing.

 

A month later, he wrote a song about that day, how he was sad that I’d left so abruptly and performed it at a talent show that he organsied. My friend sent me a video of it and the lyrics were so sweet. I had moved back home from uni by this point, living in a different city. Despite this, I reached out to him, not mentioning the song. We reconnected, started talking. A few months later I went to see him in a play. He then invited me to his 19th birthday party, where we shared a few cute moments and almost kissed. A big deal for me. AND he performed the song in front of me. 

 

A week after the party he travelled to my city to go on a date with me. But the date was a disaster. Not only did I unknowingly have Covid, I did a lot of things without thinking. Such as telling him he was my first date and that I’d never been in a relationship. I came off as anxious, desperate, codependent, obsessive, clingy and shallow. Not a true reflection of who I am at all. 

 

Anyway, after that date he told me we were better of as friends. I was so completely guttered. So not only did I feel mad at myself for saying and doing the things I did, mainly due to my sick delirium, I was mad because I couldn’t justify feeling heartbroken over a relationship that never happened and was entirely a projection of my own first relationship fantasy.

 

A year later and I still haven’t seen him. Though I did send a message to apologise for everything I said and did that day. We don’t talk anymore. 

I just want to know why I still always catch myself ruminating on that one day, even a year later? He’s hosting another annual talent show at my old uni tomorrow. A uni I am still emotionally attached to. That might be a reason these feelings have resurfaced.

 

It doesn’t help that I’ve had quite a lonely life since moving back to the city. I feel like it still constantly eats away at me. Whenever I’m feeling low, which is often these days, my mind goes straight to that memory. How can I overcome this and move on? 

1 Reply 1

Shaeyun
Community Member

Hey ceoofoverthinking.

 

I love the your name by the way. I can relate. I'm sorry you've been feeling low.  I'm young and I don't have that much experience, so my advice and suggestions might not the best. 

I would suggest exsposing you're self to new activities or clubs based off you're interests. If you put yourself out there, you could make new friends and potentially, a boyfriend. And this exposure could help you gain some experience with flirting. 

I would also recommend doing something that can calm you're mind like meditation.

 

I hope this helps you and I hope you over you're loneliness.😊

 

Sincerely,

 Shaeyun