Need help to get over someone.

[ceoofoverthinking]

hey there! I’m a 19 yo asking for advice on how to get over someone. 

So over a year ago I met this guy in my first year of uni. I went to an all girls high school so I had zero experience with dating and flirting.

This guy asked me out a few weeks after we met. I said yes. The date went really well, but I also wasn’t sure what a good date or a good connection was supposed to feel like due to my lack of experience. I ended up pushing him away, saying it was the wrong timing.

A month later, he wrote a song about that day, how he was sad that I’d left so abruptly and performed it at a talent show that he organsied. My friend sent me a video of it and the lyrics were so sweet. I had moved back home from uni by this point, living in a different city. Despite this, I reached out to him, not mentioning the song. We reconnected, started talking. A few months later I went to see him in a play. He then invited me to his 19th birthday party, where we shared a few cute moments and almost kissed. A big deal for me. AND he performed the song in front of me. 

A week after the party he travelled to my city to go on a date with me. But the date was a disaster. Not only did I unknowingly have Covid, I did a lot of things without thinking. Such as telling him he was my first date and that I’d never been in a relationship. I came off as anxious, desperate, codependent, obsessive, clingy and shallow. Not a true reflection of who I am at all. 

Anyway, after that date he told me we were better of as friends. I was so completely guttered. So not only did I feel mad at myself for saying and doing the things I did, mainly due to my sick delirium, I was mad because I couldn’t justify feeling heartbroken over a relationship that never happened and was entirely a projection of my own first relationship fantasy.

A year later and I still haven’t seen him. Though I did send a message to apologise for everything I said and did that day. We don’t talk anymore. 

I just want to know why I still always catch myself ruminating on that one day, even a year later? He’s hosting another annual talent show at my old uni tomorrow. A uni I am still emotionally attached to. That might be a reason these feelings have resurfaced.

It doesn’t help that I’ve had quite a lonely life since moving back to the city. I feel like it still constantly eats away at me. Whenever I’m feeling low, which is often these days, my mind goes straight to that memory. How can I overcome this and move on? 

[Shaeyun]

Hey ceoofoverthinking.

I love the your name by the way. I can relate. I'm sorry you've been feeling low.  I'm young and I don't have that much experience, so my advice and suggestions might not the best. 

I would suggest exsposing you're self to new activities or clubs based off you're interests. If you put yourself out there, you could make new friends and potentially, a boyfriend. And this exposure could help you gain some experience with flirting. 

I would also recommend doing something that can calm you're mind like meditation.

I hope this helps you and I hope you over you're loneliness.😊

Sincerely,

 Shaeyun