Hanging out with friends
Hi, how are you all today?
Right now I wanted to talk about an experience, which has been bothering me recently. My best friend (lets call her A), gets really jealous when I hang out with other friends, and constantly confronts me and asks why she wasn't invited. I always feel so bad for her, but her questioning has recently made me feel very uncomfortable. It has gotten to the point now, that whenever I go out with other friends, I am scared that she might find out and start questioning me again. At first, I didn't think too much of her questioning, however as time has passed, the questions really get on my nerves. She usually asks questions like "Oh, but why didn't you invite me?", or "You and (name) hung out without me?!". Questions like these in general, and I really no longer know what to do. I have mentioned to her before, to please stop asking but it fell on deaf ears. I am not really sure what to do, is this a universal experience? I would really appreciate some advice on how to approach this situation. Hope you all have a nice day!
What defines the terms of best friends is rarely predetermined.
In the case of A, she has the notion that besties do everything together; and when being left out this comes across as a rejection or even betrayal.
Perhaps going out with other friends and not considering inviting or informing A suggests that the status as best friends might be waning for you. Fear to communicate your preference is detrimental to your well being, but going behind her back is disrespectful to A.
Some understanding and middle ground should be discussed to avoid hurting each other.
Could there be some other explanation for not inviting A?
-> Does she cramp your enjoyment or dominate the conversation?
-> Are you embarrassed by her or how your friends may or may not approve?
Maybe you just work better alone or the spontaneity has gone, but these sorts of things probably need self reflection before assuming A is the problem.
As with all relationships, communication is the key; and ensuring openness to hearing as much as being heard can help restore the balance.
Above all, being sensitive to the needs of each other will only enhance the friendship since this is the unwritten rule upon which all others are built.
Hi tranzcrybe, thank you so much for for your advice. For the questions you just asked, she does have a tendency to dominate the conversation and saying awkward things. However I am not embarrassed by her (I doubt I ever would be), and as I was reading your response, I have decided to talk things out and see how things go from there. Thank you so much! ❤️
Even if there isn't any reason not to invite A, is there a reason that she should be invited every time? It's not like you can be with someone all the time, and it's nice to have 1 on 1 with other people. I get feeling left out with group hangouts, but for 1on1, it feels a bit odd to me that she wants to be invited then. Maybe A is going through a rough patch, and she feels abandoned when mangoose is hanging out with other people. Or perhaps something else is making her feel insecure in her relationships. And for mangoose, I hope your conversation went well. It would be a shame if you were to lose your best friend because you two couldn't address this issue. You'll come out of it as better friends 🙂