My weight stops me from being meim

[justme45]

I’m 24 and I’ve struggled for my entire life with my weight. It’s something that feels so out of my control I feel trapped in my own body. I’ve always hated the way I look no matter how hard I try to surround myself with body positivity, I can see it in others but have never been able to give myself the same allowance to look different. I’ve tried going to the gym 7 days a week, cutting one meal out a day, eating super healthy, nothing every changes my body.. I feel like it’s impossible to lose any weight at all. I have some of the most beautiful friends and I’m at an age where we go out and my friends meet boys and some are in serious relationships now, and those who aren’t almost always get attention when we go out. But never me. It’s piling up so much to be the one every single time who gets ignored. I do my make up, my hair, buy clothes for my body and still see the only solution to be lose 40kgs. I run through scenarios in my head where if I were given the option to give up 5 years of my life to be skinny, would I? The answer is always yes and this terrifies me. I feel like I’m destined to be overweight and alone forever and as someone with so much love for people this my biggest fear. I’m otherwise the life of every party, I feel like if I did ever talk to someone about this they wouldn’t believe me because i come off so happy and care free all the time. I have amazing friends and can logically assess my life and see how much amazing stuff I have around me.. but I genuinely feel like the way I feel about my body stops me from living the life I want to live and I feel trapped. My family aren’t overweight, I’ve had friends who could lose weight, why is it just me who is stuck like this? I’m logically minded and i know i should focus on al the good stuff in my life but I can’t. I’m finding myself leaving parties early or avoiding situations all together where i know I’ll be the only one going home alone.. which is scary because this is not me. Every time a guy does show interest, it’s one day and I never hear from him again. I just keep thinking when will it be my turn to be happy and have someone love me for me? Or when will I be able to find a way to love me?

i just had to unload.. thank you to anyone who listened.. I hope your nights are better ❤️

[therising]

Hi pcosendowife

It can definitely be frustrating and upsetting when the people in your life that you look to for the most support seem to offer soul-destroying opinions.

Sometimes I imagine what it would be like to live in an actual physical community with the incredible folk on the forums here. I believe it would be a community filled with thoughtful, encouraging, loving, kind, accepting non-judgemental people. The list goes on and on in regard to the positive traits of those here. It would be a community where I believe you could knock on a neighbour's door for support and you would receive it, unconditionally without harsh judgement.

With this imagined scenario in mind, it leads me to look at the communities we currently reside within; so much thoughtlessness around these days (it can become anxiety inducing and depressing at times, as opposed to empowering). I chuckle to myself whilst considering that imagined community: I can envisage there being little BB communities scattered here and there throughout this world, with each having 365 members within. On each day of the year, each particular member is celebrated by all. There is a parade through the main street where the crowd calls out nothing but positive and encouraging things regarding the person being celebrated. We'll call it 'Remembrance Day', a day where we remind that person of who they really are. Of course, within this community, we'd be reminding each other every day but this one special day simply becomes a little like an exclamation mark.

Even though we remain anonymous, online, we still celebrate each other in a variety of ways. We celebrate each other's strengths, courage and achievements in the face of challenge and pain and whilst a physical embrace is not possible, we warmly embrace each other through words of kindness, empathy and encouragement.

pcosendowife, I welcome you to this community with a warm embrace, whilst recognising both your beauty and your pain.

Take care

[quirkywords]

Bleubird,

have just seen your post as I have not been on this thread.

If you are still reading maybe you would consider starting you own thread so people can reply.

Your post was moving , and it is a hard struggle.

I get hope from your last line

"Instead I am conquering from within, one step at a time."

Quirky

[NotYetEffulgent]

Hi justme45,

Attraction has many forms, and often we are attracted to the very people who would be the worst partners for us. Relationships develop overtime and so can the attraction to someone’s physical appearance. I’m speaking from experience here as my ex was overweight, while I was fairly skinny. If you look at the couples on the street there are more than a few skinny/fat matches. When I met my ex I was unsure, as I had this notion of finding someone I could go on hikes with, but once we got talking, her genuine nature melted me and after a few dates her appearance really grew on me, things that seemed gross like skins tags, moles, fat rolls, became passionately hot. To me she will always remain absolutely beautiful in my mind.

Your own anxiety around weight may be manifesting itself in a destructive manner and pushing people away. Dating dynamics can be difficult, perhaps you need to be more forward in expressing your interest. Instead of waiting for the guy, perhaps you could make the next move? I was teetering on the edge of a follow up date with my ex and though I did eventually make that move, I would’ve been relieved if she had been the one to do so.

The stats would indicate you’re not alone, with a third of the population overweight and 1 in 4 being obese. While being ‘body positive’ is certainly a mature mindset, there can remain that feeling of missing out, that loss of functionality due to health or weight e.g: not going hiking or kayaking. My reckoning is we approach exercise and diet with the wrong mindset. I’ve ditched weight and performance goals. I no longer track how far or fast I walk/run, nor the reps or weight that I lift, nor do I weigh myself regularly. It’s about being educated in my food, it’s feeling the natural limits of my body. Perhaps it’s not what you’re eating, but the way your approaching it. There’s a great video on YouTube “The mathematics of weight loss | Ruben Meerman”, I found it very useful. One of my dad’s favourite sayings is “there were no fat people in Changi prison”. While this is a serve statement, and starving continuously is obviously not a healthy way to go, it does illustrate that it is humanly possible. If your enthused about it and happy then it’s going to be easier to cement the long term changes needed to make it a reality. Make it a health change and not a weight goal. Find some like minded people to exercise with, join a walking group, find a exercise class, dance like a diva.

N.Y.E

[MsPurple]

HI everyone.

I know weight loss is hard, heck if it was easy everyone would be able to lose weight easily and keep it off, but I know it is hard. Food is something we need everyday. We have particular foods we like, dislike, some have allergies and everyone has different requirements. We can try follow weight loss guides, but unless monitored and done by a professional, they won't work long term and can be detrimental. I also watched the "“The mathematics of weight loss | Ruben Meerman" and it was awesome. Either way we need to try be happy, healthy and try learn to love ourselves no matter what. I personally still struggle with it. Having dealing with eating disorders etc. but I am trying still on a daily basis, and still see my psychologist regularly

Pcosendowife (and everyone who this applies to) I know how hard it can be trying to deal with weight through eating disorder or disordered eating behaviours. I know how much it can crush you and be hard to deal with on a daily basis. I know recovery is possible. You say you have PCOS. As you know this makes weight loss a bit more difficult for some. Have you considered asking your GP for a referal to a dietitian? They can assist you with healthy eating (which everyone needs) for PCOS and dealing with the disordered eating (not sure if it is current or not, either way it is good to address it to avoid relapse). Now you will need to ask your doctor to refer you through a 'chronic disease management plan' (formally known as EPC) as this will allow you to get some medicare funding to see a dietitian, otherwise you won't get any medicare support. Note this won't usually cover all costs (covers around $56 worth), so look around and check prices your local dietitians, their special interests when getting a referal. Some GP clinics have a dietitian come to their clinics too. Some may even bulk bill, however note appointment for bulk bill maybe be shorter and their aren't many dietitians that bulk bill. Maybe consider this if you want to know how to eat health for yourself and get some reassurance. Please don't follow online media advice. Most of these people aren't qualified by a regulatory body and their advice is not nutritionally adequate.

I'm going to finish this post by saying something I like about my body. Something positive. I like my eyes (especially eyelashes).