My weight stops me from being meim

[justme45]

I’m 24 and I’ve struggled for my entire life with my weight. It’s something that feels so out of my control I feel trapped in my own body. I’ve always hated the way I look no matter how hard I try to surround myself with body positivity, I can see it in others but have never been able to give myself the same allowance to look different. I’ve tried going to the gym 7 days a week, cutting one meal out a day, eating super healthy, nothing every changes my body.. I feel like it’s impossible to lose any weight at all. I have some of the most beautiful friends and I’m at an age where we go out and my friends meet boys and some are in serious relationships now, and those who aren’t almost always get attention when we go out. But never me. It’s piling up so much to be the one every single time who gets ignored. I do my make up, my hair, buy clothes for my body and still see the only solution to be lose 40kgs. I run through scenarios in my head where if I were given the option to give up 5 years of my life to be skinny, would I? The answer is always yes and this terrifies me. I feel like I’m destined to be overweight and alone forever and as someone with so much love for people this my biggest fear. I’m otherwise the life of every party, I feel like if I did ever talk to someone about this they wouldn’t believe me because i come off so happy and care free all the time. I have amazing friends and can logically assess my life and see how much amazing stuff I have around me.. but I genuinely feel like the way I feel about my body stops me from living the life I want to live and I feel trapped. My family aren’t overweight, I’ve had friends who could lose weight, why is it just me who is stuck like this? I’m logically minded and i know i should focus on al the good stuff in my life but I can’t. I’m finding myself leaving parties early or avoiding situations all together where i know I’ll be the only one going home alone.. which is scary because this is not me. Every time a guy does show interest, it’s one day and I never hear from him again. I just keep thinking when will it be my turn to be happy and have someone love me for me? Or when will I be able to find a way to love me?

i just had to unload.. thank you to anyone who listened.. I hope your nights are better ❤️

[White_Rose]

Hello Everyone

Just found this thread. My dark secret is how I have tried for years to lose weight. I hate flying because I have to ask for an extension seat belt and I cannot let down the tray flat in front of me to eat a meal. Lost count of the number of times my fellow travellers have offered the use of their trays. Embarrassing. Cannot look at myself in the mirror without feeling bad. I have also tried hard with few results.

The only time I lost weight was when I became depressed and lived on one cheese sandwich a day for a long time. It worked and I was loving the new me but around that time my depression started to lift and I was back to the old me. I have friends who do not make a joke of my size and I love them for that.

This all changed when I needed surgery on my hip and the surgeon told me it was due to being over weight. How embarrassing and humiliating. He referred me to a bariatric surgeon and I had surgery, I think similar to Happygoluckymiss. It's never too late for this but it is expensive. I was 74 when I had this surgery seven months ago. Since then I have lost 42kg. I bought my first set of SMALLER clothes a short while ago and I was so overjoyed to be able to wear them. I have been encouraged in this by my family and friends. In fact it was my daughters who came and discussed the whole process with me. I am so blessed to have these lovely people in my life.

Yes there are difficulties at the start with learning to eat. Memory of delicious food led me to try and eat my usual diet which of course does not work. It is a huge learning curve and not to be taken lightly. But if you feel you desperately need to lose weight it's a good option to explore. I had to see a dietician and psychologist first. So lots of preparation and decision making processes because you cannot go back.

May be worth checking out, but don't go ahead because you feel a failure. Look at it as a positive step to regain your health. I got rid of my type II diabetes and high blood pressure almost immediately. I also lost of a lot of my grocery bills. I am much healthier and have more energy. All good stuff.

Hope these are some constructive suggestions. Love to know what you think.

PS Many thanks for your compliment Natalie. Much appreciated.

Mary

[bleubird]

I just joined and have not yet posted or shared my story, but your post compels me to share, though I have no idea if you're reading the replies. Maybe it will help you or someone else who comes along? I hope so. It's a journey you don't have to do alone.

I used to be 150kg, then through obsessive diet and exercise over 2-4 years, I got to 80kg. But despite that achievement and period of time, I could not think any better of myself. I would see my old self when I looked in the mirror, even though I was extremely active and enjoying it. I did not magically attract men that I fancied nor did my social skills and confidence improve. It took a lot of self analysis and getting out of my comfort zone to do that, and even then it didn't work out as I'd hoped. I am in a habit of choosing men who are emotionally unavailable, who do not have the energy to meet me as I would meet them. That's equally painful as feeling lonely, I can assure you.

Things happened in life, I dated the wrong person, my father passed away, I started a job which threw my entire daily routine out and demanded all my energy, I dated someone else who was not good for me in the long term. It nearly broke me to leave him, but I did in the end for the sake of sanity. And slowly my weight has crept back up. I'm 130 now and can't begin to describe how much I hate it and the way I feel. All my former enthusiasm has gone. I went to a psychiatrist for what I thought was ADHD and she suggested depression and anxiety and a possible sleep disorder. It didn't occur to me because my previous depressive episodes have been quite different.

Focusing on my weight is not helpful. Obsession only gave temporary results and drained me more than it gave. Focusing on what brings me joy is helpful however. I am teaching myself this, though it's a slow process. I have a kayak that I want to use if I can be brave enough to go alone, I am walking and swimming this month to raise money for cancer and youth mental health. When my foot recovers and I transition to my new and less-chaotic job, I will start trying to run again. I have a personal trainer who is a beautiful and inspiring person that I see once every week. I am really not trying to focus on my weight loss at all and if I am not changing physically, I feel the change within for sure.

I still don't believe that I am lovable or that I will find a suitable partner, but I try not to trouble myself with that. Instead I am conquering from within, one step at a time.

[David Nobody]

I think everyone in this conversation is gorgeous!

Speaking the truth and meaning what you say. Looks have nothing to do with it, and I pity the people who are only attracted to “beautiful” people. Beauty fades, but who you are “inside” doesn’t change, at least it usually doesn’t change dramatically.

I’m not anywhere near beautiful, I’m not happy with the way I look, but if someone can accept me as I am, then so can I.

And most importantly, using punctuation is always helpful.

[grilledcheese]

As I mentioned before David, some of the things you wrote in your post really seem to hit home for me and you'e done it again!! "I’m not anywhere near beautiful, I’m not happy with the way I look, but if someone can accept me as I am, then so can I."

I really love that! I think I might make a slight modification (to keep myself thinking about the changes I'd like to make) so that it is "I may not be happy with the way I look yet, but if someone can accept me as I am, then so can I." and put it up on my wall!

[MsPurple]

Hi everyone. This has turned into a great converstation with support. it is awesome to see. I know a lot of us struggle with body image. I sure do still.

Although I don't agree with this, I am glad that Quirky was brave enough to put a voice to our own evil voice and inner dark thoughts. "I’m not anywhere near beautiful, I’m not happy with the way I look, but if someone can accept me as I am, then so can I." I know if people heard how I sometimes talked about myself they would be shocked, but we forget everyone does this to a themselves to a certain extent.

[Quercus]

Hi everyone,

I'm not sure how I feel about the phrase "if someone can accept me how I am, then so can I".

I feel like it makes me vulnerable. If they change their mind or can't accept me anymore what then?

I suppose this says more about me disliking relying on people than anything else. People can always change unexpectedly.

[David Nobody]

Hi Quercus,

I have often said I won’t start a relationship (or get a pet) because I know the relationship will end. And the pain in that ending outweighs and positive benefit throughout the relationship.

But everyone keeps telling me that is extreme... I need to relax my requirements, of me and of others... this is a compromise. I move a bit, someone else moves a bit, and we meet somewhere near the middle.

and as a side comment, people don’t change drastically... they go from scarlet to crimson, they don’t go from red to black.

[grilledcheese]

I guess each of us finds power in different ways of thinking. I agree that I think the value you have for yourself should be purely because you love yourself and unrelated to the perceptions of others. I think the reason I find it meaningful is because it sounds so logical and rational to me. I know I have family who love me and friends who enjoy me the way I am so it makes me feel like there's no reason for me not to love/accept myself even if I don't love every single part individually yet - I feel like this is a progress statement rather than an ultimate goal. It's just a helpful, I'm not quite there yet but the people around me (who don't criticise me the way my 'inner voice' does) love me should why shouldn't I?

[MsPurple]

Like you grilledcheese I find it hard to sometimes no love myself completely especially knowing my family do. I love them unconditionally, why can't I do the same back to myself. I am doing more self care lately and working on my confidence. I think it is really good. I think if we all work on loving ourselves more it will become easier over time. Fake it till you make it.

[pcosendowife]

You really hit the nail on the head with exactly how I also feel!! I’m 22, I go to the gym 4-6 times a week, eat healthy and still need to lose 40kgs before I will even consider having confidence! Although my struggle to lose weight is a health condition called PCOS, it makes me even more depressed whenever I look at myself knowing I will probably NEVER get to where I want to be and I’ve already tried everything including eating disorders and literally nothing shifted my weight. I cop crap off my family like how did I let it get to this, I should of done something sooner, to even feeling like absolute shit when my own husband doesn’t want to touch me.