My Story - It Gets Better

[Pontius]

I have had depression on an off for the last three years. I know that in the middle of it all it is so hard to think that anything could get better, and I know people stuff this sort of thing down our throats all the time, but it does get better. At the moment I am pretty OK. I am quite sure that sometime in the future, maybe even soon, I will spiral down again, but at the moment I feel so lucky to be alive. If you had told me I would feel like this one year ago I don't think I would have believed you.

But please hang in there everyone. There are so many choices I could have made that would mean that I would not be here today, but right now I am so glad I made the choices I did. I can't help thinking that, though we have to die, it's better dying in the light, isn't it? I feel so lucky today. I have been in some pretty dark places so I understand this may not help, but I hope it will. 🙂

[BKYTH]

I'm not sure what "pretty OK" means for you - Its like the expression "not to bad". Its really has no meaning.             Its good that you feel glad to be alive but I think what you express is somewhat confused.                                              Are you getting help regarding your depression? If you feel that you "will spiral down again" soon then that does not sound like a useful attitude to have or an expectation to just accept. Are you on medication? If not speak to your GP. If you are not getting counseling talk to your GP about getting some therapy.                                                     I hope you make another post and say a bit more about what treatment, if any, that you are receiving.                          Philip.

[Pontius]

I am not receiving any treatment, but very occasionally I have talked to a mental health professional.

As for 'not bad,' that is really the best way I can explain it, because happiness and sadness for me can come in very varied and different forms (e.g. 'normal' happiness, then 'explosive' happiness etc.). My mood changes very frequently and rapidly depending on my thoughts or something in my environment. So 'happy' will mean something one moment and then nothing the next. That is why I cannot say I am happy, because in a minute it may be untrue.

As for saying I will 'spiral down again,' I know it is true and it would be exceedingly naive of me to expect that it is not. But then again, 'down' might not be the best term, maybe I should say 'up.' Everything might get faster, but I won't know for sure until I am there. It's like a roller coaster -- you just hang on and wish for the best.

Pontius​

[BKYTH]

Perhaps you need to see your GP and get a referral to see a Psychologist. You need some help in dealing with what you are experiencing. If you just "hang on and wish for the best" then you may encounter the very opposite.     Invest more in your psychological well being than just a very occasional talk.                                                                    Philip.

[Narniakid]

Hi Pontius! 

Thanks for sharing, it's great that you're currently in a good place mentally. I understand what you mean when you say you're okay at the moment; during my recovery years, including now, I go up and down less frequently, rather instead of each day my mood shifts over longer periods of time, over a few months. At the moment I've been in a period of about 6 months where I've been feeling really good, so I get where you are coming from. 

I agree from where Philip is coming from in terms of not just "hanging on and hoping for the best" - that's a short term solution that could easily go wrong. A trip to a psychologist or your GP is usually the way to go, but definately don't try to fight this battle on your own.

Once again thank you for sharing your positivity with us!

Crystal

[Pontius]

Thank you, Naniakid and Philip for your advice and support. 🙂

I am currently waiting to hear from a psychology place, which I hopefully will start going to soon.

Thank you again!

Pontius​