My own personal story - Part 1

[Moby54280]

Everyone thinks that they have their own personal story. They believe that they are beyond statistics and that other people care about their own story.
I wonder if that is actually true.
It is said that at least 6 people die from suicide in Australia every day, 1 in 7 Australians will suffer from depression during their lifetime, depression has the third highest burden of all diseases in Australia (13%), and rates of depression are slightly higher in women with depression, affecting 1 in 6 compared to 1 in 10.
Statistics have always been rather cold and at times very hard to place to a face. These aren’t very light-hearted statistics, nor are they statistics that people like to talk or face. When I have been in a room or even a classroom and the conversation of mental health comes up, people have either gone completely silent, as life, an invisible veil has gone over everyone in the room which makes everyone feel rather distant from each other.
These conversations were only just starting to be introduced to me when I started high school. However, I had known what being around depression was like.
When I was about 12 I had a friend, for the purposes of the story lets call her Amelia. I thought that we were the best friends that people could have. So much so that we used to call each other brother and sister because that's how we acted around each other. One day while I was over at her house I noticed she kept pulling down her sleeves on her jumper. I managed to see what she was hiding.When I asked her about them she said she got them when she was cooking. I knew that she was lying. I had been told about self-harm but I had never really seen it nor been probably told the different ways it can be done. I didn’t ask her about them for the rest of the night.
I went home feeling confused. Not about what she had done but about my own emotions. Feelings of confusion and shock came over me. Those weren’t the ones which I was uncomfortable about. It was the feeling of hatred for myself and anger for the reasons why she had done it. I thought if I just kept asking her about it I would eventually make her feel better. That if someone simply talked about their problems that they would eventually feel better.
It happens in the films like that. Therefore it must be like that in real life, is what my 12-year-old mind thought.

[geoff]

Hi Moby, and that's for your part 1 story and sorry that no one else has responded because you make a good point.

Firstly can I say that everyone is different in how they talk about their own depression or in general.

It used to be taboo to even discuss depression or even some cultures handled this differently, but Mental illness (MI) was seen as though someone was failing themselves or a disappointment to their family.

Amelia or even another very close friend may hide what they have done by self harm, they do this to as a way of coping, to release the feelings that they are struggling with, other people may join in I hope.

It seems as though you are are a lovely, caring friend who is deeply concerned for her, but sometimes asking question after question Amelia may close up and go into a ball of silence, I'm sorry to say, so it's not like the films, she will talk when she is ready, and when she does start, let her talk, she will tell you when she is ready. Geoff.

[Croix]

Dear Moby54280~

You are right, statistics are cold and do not show the real people or the suffering that make them up. I guess the only answer is to try to see people as they are and help where one can. If everyone did that the amount of suffering in the world would be a whole lot less. We care here, very often because we see people who are in the same state as we are - or have been. That gives understanding.

You list your post as Part 1. I guess either that is the stage you are at in life (12 ) or simply ran out of characters - a bit more likely.

So I'll talk about your friend and your feelings. We can fool ourselves we realy know someone and it can come as a big shock to find out we have only ever seen part of them. Happens a lot; parents and children, partners, siblings, friends. It does not mean we are in anyway deficient or that we have missed something we should have seen -or that we do not care. If someone wants to keep something private that chances are they will. It was only circumstances that gave you an idea what your friend might have done.

So hit with that situation for the first time - and having been fed simplistic rubbish by popular media - your thoughts were going to be all over the place. As Geoff says, it's not like the movies.

Your friend should seek proper medical help via eHeadspace (1800 650 890), Kids Help Line (1800 55 1800) a doctor, councilor or her parents. The coping mechanism of self-harm is highly dangerous and needs professional help. There are techniques one can use to blunt the urge as it happens and steer it into better actions. Self-harm, as you would know, is a reaction to a basic situation and it is that situation and her reaction to it that need fixing.

If you were facing that situation now I'd simply suggest you tell your friend that you are there for her no matter what, will respect confidences and will be there to talk - if she ever wants to. If, as a friend, you can encourage her to seek help you will be doing the very best thing you can for her, however pressing matters too much might have the opposite effect. Just let her feel she is not alone.

OK that's Part 1:)

I hope you come back and talk more

Croix